----- THE GIFT -----
Season 5, Episode 22

Buffy: Major letdown. Only a 35 second 'Previously on Buffy' recap?
Willow: Still... they did manage to include a clip from just about every single one of our 100 episodes. Gotta give 'em bonus credits for that.
Buffy: But we've been building up to this! I feel all hollow now.

Xander: WB SERIES finale? Hey! We're going to be on UPN next season! We're not ending......... are we?
Spike: Just sour grapes mate. WB's bein' a bloody pansy about loosin' us.

Buffy: So all we have to do is kill Dawn to keep the world from being sucked into hell? Works for me! Little twerp keeps stepping on my lines---
Tara: Staying in character would probably be a good idea right now if you want to have a sixth season.
Buffy: Hmmm. True. But where's the fun in that?

Xander: Oh God! We're not having a sixth season!
Spike: Wha---?
Xander: That commercial! It said series finale! I was actually watching it that time!
Spike: Bloody moron. Never listen to me, do you?
Xander: What was that, again?

Glory: It's my last episode. Hmmm. Better do something mean! Deep and darl and evil and.... WAH! I broke a heel!

Dawn: Big K'NEX-like tower. This is the part where I should be all scared, yes?
Glory: This is my Tower of Mayhem and Destruction and.... well, other really scary things.
Dawn: Yawn. Still looks like a pile of K'NEX to me.

Xander: Marry me?
Anya: No! Well, maybe later...
Xander: Okay... now?
Anya: NO!

Spike: Buffy... I love you!
Buffy: Still not any less freaked out, but... What else is new?

Giles: We can't give in to our rash end-of-the-world emotions! We must concentrate! Don't do something just because you think we're all going to die!
Willow: (watches Xander propose, and Spike throw himself at Buffy) Might be a little late for that.

Spike: Lots of time left, little plot remaining. Any suggestions?
Anya: RUN!!
Spike: Good idea!
Xander: Am I the only one who's noticing that's our answer to everything these past few episodes?

Glory: Why is it that most of the time I'm onscreen this episode I'm getting bashed around? *THUNK* Ow!
Buffy: I miss Graham? *THWAP*
Glory: Such an *CLUNK* old *SMACK* joke. *CRACK* OWW!!

Big Ol' Tower: I don't like you anymore. (Spike flies through the air)
Spike: AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!

Spike: Don't worry! Quite alright! This pile of bricks broke my 100 foot drop! Ooo. Suddenly overcome with a need for a nap. Nighty-night... *THUNK*

Doc: Time for my last performance before returning to Broadway... I mean... Hell. Yes. That's where I come from. (hums a bit of "Wilkommen") Let's see if I can get this right... slice up the kid and... (in his best Batman voice) Special effects AWAY!

Buffy: Ooo. Look at all the CGI!
Dawn: So that's where the special effects budget has been this whole season. Stockpiled.

Anya: *CRASH* Nighty-night...
Xander: ANYA! NO!!
Anya: Well, Spike can't be the only one to scare the audience with a near death scene, now can he? *THUNK*

Dawn: Ick. Doc got my new dress all smeared with this red stuff... Oh GOD! I'm bleeding!
Buffy: No, she's not slow is she, folks?

Dawn: Buffy! My blood is the only thing that will close the evil world-sucking porthole!
Buffy: Yuck. That's just like the amount of blood I shed when I came back from patrol and---- Whoa. Revelation time. I can close the porthole too. We share blood! Cool!
Dawn: Well, Geeze. That was anticlimatic... and kinda sick. Sharing blood? Like, eeew!
Buffy: Just shut up. And.. when did you start channeling Cordelia?

Xander: Buffy's on the plank, guys! You know what this means.
Willow: T minus two minutes to season's end.

Buffy: Just like jumping into a swimming pool. Yes, swimming pool.... full of flamey energy that'll suck the blood right out of my body...

Xander: She's ---
Spike: --- dead.
Willow: NOOO!!
Tara: How sa--- Hey! My brain's back!
All: (stare)
Tara: S-sorry. Just felt like sharing.

Tara: I can hear Buffy's voice! Aurgh! My brain must be slipping again!
Spike: (mutters) We can all hear her, dipstick. S'called a voiceover.
Tara: Ohh! Groovy!
Spike: Not quite as cured as we may think...

(LOOOOONG silence)
Xander: We done here?
Dawn: Completely.
Giles: Alright, everyone. Pitch in. Must pick up all this and move to the UPN lot.
Dawn: UPN has a lot?
Anya: (sits up) They must have a lot. That's where they keep all the Star Trek people locked up...

Xander: Think that chick in the silver cellophane catsuit will pose for a picture with me?
Anya: Hey! What does that half-robot have that I don't?
Xander: Implants...
Anya: Why you sick little--- Oh. You mean the metal things.

(Camera focuses tight on Buffy's grave)
Buffy Anne Summers
1981 - 2001
Beloved Sister
Devoted Friend
She Saved the World
A Lot.
(Camera pans down lower on the gravestone, zooms in on very small type)
Kiss our butts, WB.
UPN Rulez!

(The little Grr! Argh! demon swan dives across the screen)

back ------ back to main 'Buffy' page