----- DOPPELGANGLAND -----
Season 3, Episode 16

Anya: Can I have my powers back?
D'Hoffryn: No.
Anya: Please?!
D'Hoffryn: NO!
Anya: Poopy head.

Snyder: I think you know why I've called you both before me. Percy's failing school. If that should be allowed to happen, the Blessed Exchequer will never let us into the Divine Treasury--
Willow: Uhm...
Snyder: -- as a matter of fact, we may all wind up in the *GASP* Vault of Eternal Destitution--
Willow: Confusing your hit shows again, huh?
Snyder: Wha-- You mean this isn't Deep Space-- CRAP!

Wesley: Cheerio!
Xander: How can he always be so peppy?
Willow: It's the evil of English caffinated tea, meethinks.
Wesley: Why, it is simply a BEAUTIFUL morning! Think I'll go take this lovely bird around for some training!
Faith: Bird?
Giles: Put in the right herbs and it has quite a smashing hallucinatory effect---
All: *STARE*
Giles: N-not that I would know anything about that, of course.

Faith: What top secret hooey are we working on today? What secrets do you want to trust me with, huh, huh, huh??
Willow: Here, look over my shoulder and see everything snice I trust you implicitly... What are you doing?
Faith: (with notepad) *scribble, scribble* Huh? N-nothing.
Willow: (grabs the notepad) "Dear Mayor- Here's what the chump told me today..."
Faith: Just a-a letter to a friend!
Willow: Huh. (pause) Well, okay then!

Willow: That's why I love you, Oz.
Oz:
Willow: You're so talkative.
Oz:

Percy: Principal Snyder said you were going to write my report for me, Willow. Well, that and something about bidding for his new life at the Celestrial Auction.....

Anya: Blah, blah, blah.. necklace was a family heirloom and I want it back...
Willow: Well, where'd you loose it?
Anya: This hell dimension where vampires roam the earth and Buffy's a sociopath.
Willow: Huh?
Anya: Couch cushions?
Willow: OH! Well, okay then.
Anya: Gullibility, thy name is Willow.

Anya: Damn. Didn't work.
Willow: Well, at least we didn't do any permanent damage, did we?
Vamp Willow: (wakes up outside) Grrr... Where am I? Why are all these humans hanging around?
Anya: Nope. None!

Xander: Will! I see you're going for the leather-on-leather look. When did this happen? Waaaaait... I know! You're--
Vamp Willow: A vampire.
Xander: -- joining a biker gang!

Vamp Willow: And we'll KILL ALL THE HUMANS!
Vampire: *stare* Eh, works for me. Tell me, do you pay union wage, or by the hour?

Vamp Willow: Doofus? *SMACK* My face is up here.
Vampire: Sorry, but human you doesn't have those... (vague gesture to chest) Well, she has them, but flaunt them by pushing them up and---
Vamp Willow: You talk too much, but for the sake of pushing this storyline foreward, do come and join my gang!

Angel: Hey. We're about halfway through the episode and I haven't had any screen time yet.
Oz: Oddly, me neither.
Angel: Prehaps if we stand here in just the right light, the camera may notice us?
Oz: Could work.

Angel: WILLOW'S DEAD!
Willow: No I'm not.
Angel: (glare) Way to ruin my one dramatic moment by being all alive.

Willow: You all go ahead and kill my double. I have to run back into the dark library right now for no really good reason.
Buffy: Okay. I'm sure you'll be alright.
Willow: Yeah. I mean, what's the worse thing that could happen?
Vamp Willow: Heya baby.
Willow: Eeeep.

Buffy: No one will guess that you aren't a vampire... well, aside from the whole 'having color to your skin and a pulse' issue.
Willow: (in Vamp Willow's clothes) I can't feel anything below my boobs.

Angel: Great. Just when I think I'm getting some screentime. Nada.
Oz: I hear ya. Well, there's always Plan B.
Angel: *GASP!* No, not Plan B! We're not that despirate, are we?
Oz: Plan B. Despirate times call for despirate measures....

Willow: I'm a nasty, deeply evil vampire. See? Gerr.
Anya: Pfff. As if!
Willow: Damnit. *shrug* Oh well. HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!
Buffy: Well, there's a plan that worked for a grand total of two seconds.

Giles: Your evil ways have ended.
Vamp Willow: This place bites.
Buffy: So how do we plan on sending her back?
Wesley: A dark, black magic spell!
Giles: (to Vamp Willow) Now, click your heels together three times and say, "There's no place like home... There's no place like home... there's no place like home..."
Buffy: Real black there.
Giles: No mocking the spell.

Vamp Willow: Ah! Home sweet home!
Vamp Xander: We were afraid you'd left us for a while there.
Vamp Willow: Oh, but I did leave you, Xander! And that was the problem! I was trying so hard to get home to you! And some of the people there were evil, but most of them were really good!
Vamp Xander: Poor baby!
Vamp Willow: But anyway, I'm home! And I'm never going to leave this place ever again. Because I love you all! And, Xander... there's no place like---
Alternate Universe Oz: *STAKE*
Vamp Willow: Aw hell. *POOF*

Buffy: Once more the world is safe!
Willow: The blackest of all evil has been vanquished and I don't think anything can ever scare me again.
Oz: And a 1... and a 2... and a 3!
(lights come up)
Angel: "Hello, my baby!"
Oz: "Hello my honey!"
Both: "Hello, my Ragtime gal!"
Buffy: Wanna bet on that, Will?

(The little Grr! Argh! demon, Angel, and Oz tap dance across the screen to the "Riverdance" soundtrack.)

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