Fate Matters
by Kelonzi

Obi-Wan Kenobi stood alone on the precipice overlooking Mos Eisley. The wind whisked silently through his salt and pepper hair, tossing it's shaggy length back from his face so that tear-filled eyes had a clear view of the horizon.

The suns set slowly. Just like they had every other day on the parched outer rim world. Just as they had back nearly 15 years ago when a small, broken down Nubian cruiser had landed on the cracked, crater-ed surface. He'd stayed behind while his Master, a handmaiden, a little droid, and a clumsy, awkward Gungan had made their way out into the wastes in search of replacement parts for the vessel. They had accomplished their mission in a timely fashion, despite his misgivings. However, what they had come back with was more than merely a hyperdrive reactor. Much more.

And that was what had sent this whole crazy thing spiraling out of control, as far as Obi-Wan was concerned. His life hadn't been the same since the boy.

Anakin.

It was as if the name brought with it the icy toll of a chapel funeral bell. Which was fitting. So much death had come into his life along with young Skywalker. The loss was almost impossible to think about with a clear, objective mind.

First he had lost his Master. Yes, he had endured several "fall outs" with Qui-Gon Jinn... but the argument about the boy... THAT had signaled the creation of a rift in their relationship that was to be far beyond repair. His Master had firmly believed that Anakin was the chosen one, destined to bring balance to the force, while Obi-Wan had been highly skeptical. Even after the Council had taken the Padawan's side, Qui-Gon had persisted.

"He IS the chosen one."

Which led him to thoughts of his second bout with loss. He'd lost his will-- the will to choose his own destiny. Every being had to choose one of the paths placed before him in his life. But, really, Obi-Wan reflected as he pulled the hood of his dark brown robe up to shield his face from the blowing sand, he'd never had such a luxury.

Everything had been chosen for him. He had been a very small child when his parents had given him over to the Jedi Order for training. At that time, he had been too young to choose for himself, so the path had been selected for him. But even after that initial forced choice, there had been more paths taken away from him. Qui-Gon had caused the loss of many of these paths--- and the very last one, particularly so.

The scene was fresh in his mind as if the battle with the mysterious Sith warrior had been only yesterday. Darth Maul had him dangling over the edge of the processing core. His saber stripped of him and his Master slain, Obi-Wan was certain this was the end for him. Only ingenuity had saved his life that day. But it had been too late for Qui-Gon. Blade disengaged, Obi-Wan had tried desperately to fool himself into believing that he could still save his beloved Master. He rushed over, prepared to carry Qui-Gon to the closest healer facility where a tank of Bacta would surely save the venerable old Jedi---

"It's too late...."

"No." The word slipped from Obi-Wan's dry, parched lips. He knew the script, the movements, even the proper places to cry. Every night for the past 15 years he had seen it all. Relived it moment by moment.

"Train him."

"Yes, Master."

And with that, Obi-Wan had had the rest of his life stripped of him. He would be the Master of Anakin Skywalker. Goodbye to anything else that he might have done with his life, post-25. He couldn't have simply gone back on his word-- it wasn't in his character. At all. He had made a promise and was honor-bound to keep it. No matter what.

"Even when the boy turns his back on the Order." He shifted his weight and crossed his arms over his chest. Partially, it was to adjust for the wind. But mostly, it was to give him something to do with himself, for he knew that if he didn't do something he was going to break down. Crying was one behavior he was not in the practice of indulging. Not since Qui-Gon's death had died had he done so. Or her's.

Not even now.... now that all hope was gone. He couldn't cry. So completely gutted was he, that no emotion showed at all. His sea change eyes, once full and vibrant with life, were now dull and vacant. The spark was gone. He'd seen them all die.

Master Ki-Adi Mundi.

Master Plo Koon.

Master Yaddle.

Master Windu.

Padme Amidala.

Even the droids were lost now. They were either destroyed, or their memory banks had wiped clean. No one would remain to tell their stories, if Darth Sidious had his way. The old Republic was a castle made of sand--- now blown to the winds forever, never to reform in the same way it had once stood before.

There were no remnants of the life Obi-Wan Kenobi had come to know. None. Save for the two small, pink children that Padme had delivered mere weeks before. Twins. Now separated by thousands of miles. One entrusted to him, and another given to Bail Antilles of Alderaan. The former, a boy, the later, a girl. They were the only good thing Anakin had done in a very very long time. And now, they would never know their pasts. One would be raised to believe she was a princess of Alderaan. The other, a moisture farmer's nephew. The twins had come from something which was forbidden-- love. A Jedi Knight was not supposed to marry. Anakin had deliberately disobeyed the code when he had made love to Padme. She was a wonderful woman, it was true, but their love could only end badly. Obi-Wan could have told anyone that from the very beginning.

But he wasn't one to condemn now, really. He'd seen, but done nothing. He'd confronted Anakin, and taken the deflected answer blindly. It was a dodge. He'd known it.

"No, Master. There's nothing wrong." Anakin's voice still plagued him.

"I could have done more." Obi-Wan dropped to one knee now, the strength needed to stand, seemingly sapped from his body. "I allowed this all to happen."

The voice in his mind changed now. "You're stupid, Kenobi... you know that? You blame yourself for everything."

The tears broke free as the once respected Master Kenobi crumpled into a heap in the sand. He'd even lost her. "Shi-Rah..." The name slipped out of his mouth in a tone that was barely a whisper.

Seeing her cut down by Anakin was..... was.....

"DAMN YOU!" He bellowed. The baby boy whined in the speeder beside him, but Obi-Wan was beyond listening. He felt a deep rage fill every fiber of his being.... dark and primal. It was the scariest feeling he had ever known. This was the darkness that had entranced his Padawan.

He couldn't let it win over him too. He and Master Yoda were the only Jedi Knights left now. They had to go on living... why, he knew not. Only that the Force had seen fit to preserve them for some reason or other. "But why couldn't you have spared her too? You took Qui-Gon from me already!! And even Master Windu!!" Obi-Wan felt like a small child throwing a tantrum, questioning things he knew he shouldn't, but frankly, was beyond the point of caring. If he was to live to old age, he didn't want to be alone.

"But you're not alone."

That voice. Her voice reminded him of better times. Of an away mission to a rumored hideout planet for the Guardian Order. The trip to Piarna seemed impossibly long ago now, but he could still feel the moisture of the jungle-like planet's atmosphere. He could see the small twelve year old girl he and Qui-Gon had stumbled upon-- brown-haired, green eyed, and defiant to a fault. Who'd have thought she'd ever be a Jedi Knight? Certainly not the 13 year old Padawan he had been back then. At least, he wouldn't have considered it at first.

Like so many things, the friendship they had built had to grow slowly. They'd had fights-- one that almost derailed everything, in fact-- but they'd grown stronger for it. He had sought comfort from her after Qui-Gon's death, and she, him. Both had loved the tall, imposing man like a father and were devastated to loose him.

Obi-Wan sighed. "You're with him now, I bet...."

"We're all here. Watching you. You're NOT alone. You never were, and you never will be."