I wrote you this a while ago, I think you've seen it already but I dunno if I ever sent it now for sure...

I was so ready to be over you, but that's like trying to reach an untouchable scenerio, there is no getting over you, because no matter what I will always and forever hold our love as true, because i believe it was just that; true love. Maybe the timish was wrog, I don't know it doesnt matter what went werong because one thing you always said all a long is coming back to me. you said all along you knew we were meant to be and I know thhis is still true, I know all of the feelings we shared for eachother for so long could not have been wrong, even when everything else was going wrong, mny love for you never died. True love never dies, I've proven this to myself so many times. For me, my picture of perfection will always be you, and there is just no getting around that. I am not going to lie, these last few motnhs without you have been hell, but at the same time up until recently they have been great at the same time. It let me focus on a lot of other aspects of my life that needed attention..I feel as though I finally figured out who my true friends are, school is going great, I don't know a time when I ve been able to say that honestly, but it really is, me and my parents have been getting along great, we've become a lot closer, and I feel like they are actually proud of me for once. I guess you could say I'm actually proud of me for once too. I said that too myself outloud the other day, which is actually where all of this is coming from because that's when I remembered what you had told me I have to do what is right for myself before I can ever begin to worry about doing whats right for "us." I never understood really what you meant by that until it actually happened, the last few weeks have been the best weeks of my life. Everything feels like it is finally coming together, like life is finally working out like it's supposed to, like everyone thinks it's going to work out for themselves ever since they were a little kid. that might sound weird but it feels like it's how it is, like if I could look at my life as it is right now 10 years ago, I woudl actually be proud of what I have in it. I can tell you right now that even at our happiest of times when we were together, I never would have been able to say that, but it's really true. I dunno nick it just seems like all 999 of 1000 pieces of the puzzle are put together, now i need to find that last piece. I jsut feel like we were soo close to having it made, things were so close to being right. I know right from wrong nicky, and even if you think what we had wasn't right, I think we can both agree what we have now is even more wrong. After all we've been trhough nick I dunno, I mean I know you weren't happy, and as much as I said I was, I wasn't happy either. I mean as mean as htis may sound I think we just pretty much used eachother as a way to make our boring pointless lives worthwhile, and whenever something went wrong we didn't have anything strong to fall back on. you know my heart has always been true nicky, it' sjust the rest of me that needed some work, but now I"m at the point where I am more than comfortable with my life and everything in it and i want to keep things moving in the same direction. I want my baby back, I think we could offer so much to eachother now, more than we can even realize. I'm not going to lie, the last time I was begging for you to take me back, you shoulda seriously said fuck you tommy you are worthless cause I was, but looking at myself now and then is like night and day. I don't want it to sound like I'm making up excuses or begging you to take me bac because thats' not how it is at all, I just dont want to make the mistake of letting you slip away after all these years over something so petty as me being an immature lil punk ass bastard. if you truely meant all you said about doing wahts right for ourselves before worrying about aything else, then I am there, and I am there for the right reason, for me. I don't want you to think I did any of this for you, because to be painfully honest I didn't think about you for ever, you just didn't exsist to me in my head for months, but that helped me so much, it helped me focus on whats important, and it made me realize just how strongly I do care for you. that stupid lil saying " if you love something let it go, if it loves you it will come back " well it's kinda like that only you made me let you go and I'm not sure if you love me still and if it will ever come back, but in my heart I believe you loved me, I know you loved me and that has to atleast count for something. if you sincerely meant what you said about finding ourselves, I found what I was looking for, without even knowing I was looking for it. my heart has known all along what its wanted, now that my head has finally caught up I just want you to know that seriously if you meant what you said in even the slightest bit, I will forever be standing right here, my heart will never change, it found what it wants a long time ago, now that my head has finally caught up I can only hope that it's not too late. I'm just going to stop now before this turns into another 5 pages, but I think you know I'm sincere in all I say.. you should know I am anyway, I have no reason to lie, I am throwing myself to your mercy, do what you wish, take this however you want to take it, I would really love to hear what you think about it, but you know I'm not about to make you talk about something you don't want to talk about I'm not trying to cause you any more grief, so if that is the case then so be it just forget I even wrote this, I will be happy enough atleast knowing you know how I feel, and knowing there is nothing else I could have done. the only thing I really am asking for is honest, if you don't want to talk about it, tell me that, if you find this humour that I"m stupid enough to even put thought towards there ever being anything between us, just tell me, I have no closure at all on this situation nick, so whatever happens happens it's not going to be worse then where I'm at right now, you know I love you to death, just tell me something, or tell me that you aren't going to tell me anything, or just tell me I'm being a fucking retard, I'm ready for whatever you can dish out, so hit me with your best shot. thanks for reading this far and listening I really do appreciate it, I love you, always have and always will. - Tommy -

Home