~I Loved You~
I sit here all alone online just waiting and waiting, hoping that soon I will once again find a notice that I have an email waiting for me. Not just any email, but an email from you. After waiting for so long I finally get an email and I go to get it, but once again my eyes fill with tears, it is not from you. Some may say it is crazy to keep hoping I will hear from you, yet I sit here each day praying an email from you will arrive. Oh, I miss you and I miss the love that was once between you and I. You had once told me to never give up on our dream, I held onto that dream for so long, but how long should I wait, hold onto something that may never be? At this point I feel like I am holding onto false hope.
My gosh so very long ago you and I had met on the Internet. We fell so deeply in love. I remember when our eyes met for the first time, I knew I had found true love. Then you leaned down to kiss me and a warmth entered my body. We held each other, and I never wanted to let go of you. Loving you was so beautiful, so easy, and so natural. I felt so safe as I slept in your arms. When I had woke up and had you still next to me I felt like I was still dreaming. I knew if you were only a dream I never wanted to wake up. But you were real, our love was real, and what we shared was a dream come true. I felt as though our love was like a love in a fairy tale, and we would live happily ever after.
Promises were made, tender moments were shared, together we laughed and cried. We talked about our "forever" together, and how the Internet brought us together. But now I need to ask, if the net brought us together, what was it that tore us apart? Oh my goodness, our love was so intense, and so strong, we were sure that nothing could end our relationship. But now I sit here wondering because what I once considered to be the perfect love is no more. Why, why did we end up like this?
Each time that you came to visit me I fell more and more in love. I longed for the day we would be together for always. We made plans for what we hoped our future to be. We lived each day for each other, but what has happened, there is no more "us" .... Your emails so full of love has slowed down, your phone calls became fewer and fewer until there were no more. Your visits to me became only memories of our past. Every once in a while I would find an email from you telling me that you still loved me, giving me hope, but it was only false hope. Why? Why did you have to keep hurting me like that? You knew the depth of love I carried for you.
Now I sit here just wishing to have things between us go back to the way we were, but I know I must let go of all of my hope, I must move on and try to love again. I would give my world to be in your arms and to kiss you one more time, and tell you that I love you and to hear you tell me that you love me too. I know that is only a dream, but I can wish. I want you to know that you will always have a piece of my heart. The memories that we shared together alone whether we were intimate or sitting in the truck talking are memories I will hold dear to my heart forever. I loved you.
There is a problem, a problem that I need to have you answer before I can let go and move on. Why couldn't you just tell me the truth as to why it all stopped the way it did. The emails, the phone calls from you, your visits to me and the love you seemed to give me so freely, what happened. This time I want the truth, no more less or silly excuses. I want the truth no matter how much it might hurt me, I already hurt so badly, so what is a little more hurt? I loved you more than any human being is capable of loving another human being, why was it not enough? I believe there is much more to this then I know, I can tell, as a woman, I can feel there is more. Please allow me to be happy and go on, I need to know why, so please my old Internet love tell me why?
