Always A Reason
I have heard there is a reason for everything. They say when something happens and we do not know why that we are simply not meant to understand. I try to believe that, but I can not help sitting here and asking why?
Why were we brought together in this world called the internet? I remember long ago when our love was new and we could not wait to find an e-mail from each other. I would find cards from you telling me that you loved me, it seemed so right. I fell more and more in love with you everyday. When I thought maybe I was falling to much in love with you, I would ask you if you thought I was to much in love, you always replied with "no, not at all"...I allowed my feelings soar so high almost touching the sky and holding onto the stars.
We were in love online, it was special to me, and I believed in you and trusted you and the love we shared. I felt so in love with you, but for me something was missing. I was missing your touch, the closeness of you being with me. The kisses that you would blow across the screen, we no longer enough for me, I wanted to feel your lips touch mine as you would tenderly kiss me.
I was feeling lonely, I wanted more with you than an "internet relationship" I wanted to meet you and know what it would feel like to be in your arms. When I would try to talk to you about it, you would always avoid it. I guess deep inside of me I knew for a while that what we shared online was enough for you, I tried to deny it because it would hurt me so much.
I began to distance myself from you trying to keep anymore hurt away, but my heart would not let you go. Then I felt you distancing yourself from me. If you e-mailed me I was just another name on your list. Our phone calls were no more. It became obvious to me your feelings for me would never be what I wished them to be, and what ever feelings you did have you no longer had. Finally, I had to ask you once again about us. I got the answer I expected. You said that you no longer felt close to me. I have to ask, did you ever feel close? You wanted more space, and that maybe you just were not ready for the kind of relationship I wanted.
You said that you were sorry. I can't expect you to be sorry for who you are or what you did or did not feel.
I asked you if you found someone else, I think I got my answer when you would not answer that question. If that is true, I still wish you happiness. I only have one request and that is if you are involved with someone online, please be sensitive to their feelings. Hurt online is very painful.
I never told you how much I have hurt I have felt because I loved you so much, or the nights I would stay awake staining my pillow with tears. I never told you how much I needed to hear you tell me how important I was to you, or how much you needed me. I thought you loved me and you just did not know how to open up. Why, when I asked you if I loved you to much didn't you tell me that you thought I did... You allowed me to love you more everyday, now I hurt more than I ever imagined.
No matter what I want to thank you for the times we did share chatting online and on the phone. You were always a perfect gentleman with me. Our times together meant a lot to me. You will always have a special place deep within my heart.
Written To Those Who Have Loved Online
And Lost
By: JerseyGrL819 (Nancy)
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