"IN GOD'S HANDS"
 

I HELD YOU IN MY ARMS 
FOR ONLY A SHORT TIME

BUT I WILL HOLD YOU 
IN MY HEART FOREVER.
 

~MATTHEW'S PHOTO GALLERY~
 

 

~EMPTY PLACES~
WRITTEN BY:
~SHARI~
IN MEMORY OF HER CHILDREN
DONNIE, KATHRYN MARY & WILLIAM 

Why did you have to leave me
Why are you not around
An empty place in my heart
No replacement can be found

I love you so Matthew
I miss you so each day
I bring your name to mind and heart
Because your memories stay

I know you'll always be here
Your spirit is alive
I will be with you
When I go beyond the sky

I will never let you
Be forgotten by the world
You are my son, 
And, I love you

Someday when once we meet again
On Heaven's precious shore
I'll hold you close to me
You'll leave me never more

Till then the Father watches
And, keeps you safe from harm
I know He will return you 
Into my empty arms

I will always and ever love you Matthew
Mommy

PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS POEM WITHOUT PERMISSION
 

We never realize how precious the pictures of our children are until the day that God calls our child home.  We never think that our child will die and so we think that we will always have tomorrow, but, unfortunately, for many of us there is no tomorrow.  We guard the pictures that we have with our life and live in fear that something will happen to them.  All that we have left of this child that we loved more that life are our memories 
and the pictures.

Matthew was about three weeks old in this picture.  He spent the first three months of his life at Mt. Sinai Hospital.  He was born 8 weeks early and weighed only 2 lb. 12 oz.  He needed to be at least 5 lb. before the doctors could perform the heart surgery that he needed.  Every ounce he gained was a victory and a reason to celebrate.  The nurses in the neonatal unit called Matthew their "CABBAGE PATCH BABY."

 
Well we did it!  Matthew's heart surgery was a success and he was finally coming home.  I was confident that if he made it this far that he would live a very long and healthy life.  Matthew came home in early December just in time for his "First Christmas" 

Matthew was three months old in this picture.  I never imagined that his "First Christmas" would be his only Christmas.  I never imagined that this would be one of the last times that our whole family would be together.
 

 
After Matthew died it took me a long time before I could look at any of his pictures.  I still couldn't comprehend that he had died.  I knew what the word meant but when I said it in association with Matthew it just didn't make any sense.  My heart could not accept that I would never see Matthew again.  He was just a baby and babies aren't supposed to die.

 
Matthew was the 1990 New Year's Baby. As you can see he wasn't too happy about it.
 

 
Matthew was my third child and my husband's first.  You can only imagine how ecstatic my husband was to have a son.  Despite his medical problems Matthew was one of the happiest I had ever seen.  His smile was priceless.  Matthew brought us so much love and joy for the short time that he was here.  I wouldn't have traded it for anything in the world.

 
Matthew's Christening Day ~ January, 1990.  Matthew was now 4 months old and doing better than anyone ever thought he would.

Matthew's "First Birthday," August 25, 1990.  A milestone for all babies but in Matthew's case we didn't think when he was born that we would ever see this day.  I didn't know that there would never be a first step, a first word, a first baseball game or a first day of school.   I didn't know that he would never sit on Santa's lap or color Easter Eggs.  He wouldn't be here for us to teach him how to write his name or ride a bike.  For Matthew there would not be a second birthday, a second Christmas or a second New Year's.  I never imagined on this day that within 17 days we would have to say good-bye to Matthew forever.

Life as I knew it would never be the same.  Every hope and dream that we had for Matthew died with him.  I will never get over the loss of Matthew and there are no words to describe the void that has been left in my life. 
My arms ache knowing that I will never hold him gain.  I not only lost Matthew I also lost myself.

 A heart broken ~ a soul shattered.
Rest in peace my sweet little angel. 
One day we will be together again 
and my aching arms will be able to hold you once again.

 

 
 

 

~SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW~

Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high,
There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.

One day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow,
Why, of why can't I.
 
 

~MATTHEW'S STORY~

~STEVEN'S PLACE IN HEAVEN~

~SITE MAP~

 

 

"IN GOD'S HANDS" WAS CREATED BY
AND IS MAINTAINED BY PATRICIA KUSILA
 

 

PAGE UPDATED ~ 06/18/03