Phoenix's eyes fluttered open, and Benji’s serene face was the first thing that came into her view, his soft hands sleeping on top of her hip, his soft breathing rhythmic with his heartbeat, his mouth slightly open. She thought she heard blue jays and robins singing merrily at the window, white light trying to splice through the blinds and leaves of an oak tree, but it was probably just in her dreams, dreams she didn’t wake up from, dreams that sailed her through the whole night soundlessly. She secretly smiled and cautiously lifted her head to see what time it was, kneeling on her elbows and arching her neck over her shoulder, trying not to wake Benji. Benji’s stereo told her it was 11:34 AM.
Phoenix really didn’t want to leave Benji, feeling they had a lot to talk about, but her head was pounding and she didn’t want to get “weird” looks from Joel when she strolled out of the house in Benji’s boxers. She slowly lifted Benji’s hands from her hip, Benji smacking his lips together like he just tasted something delicious as he rolled over onto his other side. Phoenix stifled down a laugh, swiftly slipped from bed, and put her jeans back on, watching Benji like a hawk, not wanting an odd “morning-after”-like talk. Phoenix neatly folded Benji’s boxers and placed them on his dresser. She located some paper and a pen in one of Benji’s pull-out drawers and began to write. When she was done, she placed the note on top of his boxers, grabbed her black “Maryland College” lanyard holding her keys from the dresser and, keeping an eye out for Joel, proceeded expeditiously down the stairs and out the front door….
~*~
Benji began to stir from sleep, rolling over on his side and slinging his arm onto…air. Benji groggerly opened his eyelids to see no one there, only air. Benji swiftly lifted himself up with his arms, scanning the room for Phoenix. He felt kinda sad knowing she left without a Good-Bye. What was he thinking? Did he like Phoenix that much? His eyes laid upon his Bart Simpson boxers and then a yellow piece of paper on top of them. He sleepily trodded over to the paper and rubbed his eye to awaken it, beginning to read the note.
Benji,
I didn’t want us to have an awkward morning, so I figured I’d leave a good morning note for you. I apologiese again for last night and my actions. I hope I haven’t led you on, but all I can offer you is my friendship. Please understand. The wound is still fresh.
Love,
Phoenix
~*A Few Days Later*~
“You slut!” Phoenix heard Madison’s grand entrance, Madison upgrading to a knee brace on her right leg and walking cast on her left, the slam of their front door shaking the holy heavens.
Phoenix nearly leaped off the couch, fully engrossed in her ‘English Lit’ homework about ‘The Grapes of Wrath.’ She was studying at Maryland College of the Arts, like Madison, to become an English teacher, with a minor in English Lit. “What?” Phoenix asked breathlessly, her hand clasp to her heart.
“You were at Benji’s Friday night!” Madison informed her, a sly smile on her face, limping over to her friend, her eyes hungry for gossip. “Why haven’t you informed me of your midnight romp to Benji’s?!”
“First off, How do you know about that?” Phoenix avoided her question, closing her textbook and tossing it on the coffee table.
“So it is true!” Madison squealed, grabbing Phoenix’s arm in excitement. Phoenix shot her a look of annoyance. “Joel told me,” Madison backed down a little, rising from the couch and heading over to the fridge for some water, “He said he could barely sleep with all the racket you two we’re making.” Madison shot her a wink and Phoenix rolled her eyes.
“I haven’t informed you of why I went over there because I haven’t wanted to tell you what drove me over there,” Phoenix stated matter-of-factly, twisting her hair and shoving a pencil through it, her blue eyes lowered morosely to the ground.
Madison’s bubbly mood suddenly turned into one of concern. She brought her glass with her back to the couch. “What haven’t you wanted to tell me?”
Phoenix leaned her arm against the armrest, taking the charm out of the pocket of her black and white pinstriped bondage pants and handing it to Madison, Phoenix’s eyes fixaded on the crisp November day outside the window.
Madison gawked down at the charm, running her index finger over it to be sure it was real. “Oh…Toots,” Madison sullenly replied, wrapping her fingers around it. Madison felt a little hurt. “What made you think you couldn’t tell me about this?”
“It was late,” Phoenix began, blinking back tears, “You had your plans in the morning. I feel like such a bother to you sometimes. I figured…”
“Nix,” Madison interrupted her, the sincere tone in her voice making Phoenix turn back towards her, her white socked feet tucked underneath her butt, “You’re the one who drove me everywhere, who visited me in the hospital every day. You can tell me anything, don’t you know that? Remember the time you broke my favorite Barbie’s head off because you wanted her hair to be perfect and didn’t tell me. I blamed it on my sister.” Madison laughed heartily, forcing Phoenix to smile a little, “No Barbie or charm can come in between us, Phoenix. Best friends for better or worst, right?”
“Yeah,” Phoenix sighed, happy she had such an understanding friend like Madison.
“So…” Madison began, her lips curling up in the corners, her fingers circling the rim of her glass. “Did you and Benj…”
“Madison!” Phoenix scolded her, “No! I mean…we kissed and stuff…but he stopped. Christ! I lost my boyfriend a month ago. I shouldn’t be talking about this.”
“If nothing happened, why did you sleep there?” Madison asked her curiously.
“It felt…so good to be back in someone’s arms,” Phoenix confessed, “I know it’s only been a month since I was last held, but I’ve had love in my life as long as I can remember, before Ethan, there was Greg, and before him, Matt,”
“Matt was your boyfriend for like a month in 7th grade,” Madison reminded her.
“And life without it is bleak, empty,” Phoenix droned on, her eyes fixaded to the floor, “Benji listened to me blabber and blabber on, and he was the one who didn’t want to take it further. It made me feel alive having Benji beside me.”
Madison wanted to tell Phoenix she thought that Phoenix had a crush on Benji, but she didn’t feel it was the right time.
“I know a month seems like a second in a whole big lifetime,” Madison told Phoenix, taking a sip of water, “Especially when Ethan left us so tragically. But you need to get out more. You need to be a 20 year old. I saw how you were with Benji when we were bowling. All smiles. I haven’t seen that on you in a long time, that sparkle in your eye. Who knows, maybe all that’s happen may be a…”
“I can’t believe you’re saying that!” Phoenix shouted, abruptly rising from the couch in anger, “He was your friend too! He’s DEAD and he’s your friend!”
“I know, I know,” Madison agreed softly, “But, you know as well as I do that Ethan only wanted the best for you, that he was so compassionate and forgiving. He had faith…faith in everything and everyone. He has faith in God, in fate, in that everything happens for a reason. He wants you to be happy, Nix, not mourning forever. In my opinion, you’re grieved enough, a sea full of tears and a dumpster full of tissue. If you listen to your heart and not your head, you’d be a lot more clear about what you want.”
“But my heart is broken,” Phoenix cried, staring into the brilliantly sunny day, like Ethan was trying to send her a message.