~*April*~
Phoenix sat alone at the table at Il Villagia, an exclusive Italian restaurant in Baltimore, waiting for Benji to arrive. The cream-colored walls and dark green carpeting totally encompassed the feel of a small café in Sicily, wine racks set up at every table, red checkered table clothes underneath them. They were celebrating their 5 month anniversary, and it so happened that the boys were in NJ, and Benji was coming down to celebrate and going back the next day for the concert, along with Joel, who was itching to see Madison. Phoenix’s hands nervously played with her dark green cloth napkin waiting for Benji to arrive, her diamond black dog collar accentuating the neckline of her black v-neck knee-length dress, her new hot pink tips in her hair falling just short of the v-neck. So many things floated in her mind, she was actually thinking of suggesting to Benji that they take a break, until at least the tour is over. Phoenix cried in secret every night while Benji was away, his touch a vague memory to her. Phoenix felt tortured inside, and she needed a man, someone with strong arms to hold her and let her cry on their shoulders. When Benji was with her, she had no need to cry, because all her anxieties seemed to float away. But now that Benji is popping in now and then, she felt lifeless.
Phoenix took a swig of water from her wine glass as she saw Benji sprint in, running past the host at the podium, and bent down on one knee, cupping Phoenix’s face and passionately parting their lips.
“Hey,” Benji greeted with a wide smile, Phoenix giving him only a weak one in return as he slid into the leather booth. “When did you get your hair done?”
“Oh,” Phoenix replied, poised to tell Benji her…well, their trouble. “A few weeks ago,” Phoenix responded blandly, tossing her hair over her shoulders.
“I love it!” Benji told her gaily, sipping water from his wine glass, “It’s fabulous. I remember when I had pink hair…well, black and pink hair…good times.”
“That’s great, Benj, but…”
“Say no more,” Benji told her gently, pressing one finger against her lips and with the opposite hand, pulled out a small velvet jewelry box, Phoenix involuntarily sucking in air like she got socked in the stomach. Benji noticed her shocked expression, reached across the table and caressed her cheek. “No, I’m not proposing,” Benji replied coolly with a laugh, Phoenix’s expression softening as Benji rotated the box in his hand. “I know it’s only been 5 months, but…I’ve never felt so...passionate about another woman as I have felt for you. I feel like the wind beneath your winds, and it gives me an even greater purpose in life, knowing for a fact, that I’ve changed someone’s life. And that you’ve changed mine for the better. I just wanted to give you this to show…to show the world how much I love you…” Benji opened the box and showed the contents to Phoenix, Phoenix’s eyes nearly dropping out of her skull as she hesitantly took the box, gazing with a horrid expression at the charm, her lips parted slightly like she was going to say something. It was an exact replica of the ‘Always and Forever’ charm that now lays eternally with Ethan.
Benji narrowed his eyes suspiciously, confused why Phoenix hadn’t thanked him or smiled or moved.
“Why did you give me this?” Phoenix demanded brusquely, her eyes brimming with angry tears.
“I’ve seen how you’ve eyed that whenever we passed the jewelers,” Benji responded in defense, stretching out to Phoenix, but Phoenix only shrugged away, holding the box in two hands, “I thought you wanted it.”
“I can’t believe you,” Phoenix replied, shaking her head, wrath sizzling in her eyes, her hands clenching in fists, “Why would you buy me this? I’m trying to move on with my life, Benji! You’re just hindering that!”
“I bought it for you because I love you!” Benji retorted, other patrons starting to glance over at the commotion they were making. “What are you talking about? How does this hinder you?!”
“Use your head, Benji,” Phoenix replied darkly, slamming the box shut and hurling it back at him, “Or I forgot, you only think with your dick.”
Benji was absolutely stunned by Phoenix’s accusations, his heart tearing with emotion as he placed it in the pocket of his black Dockers. “What’s wrong with you? How can you talk about our relationship like that?”
“As far as I’m concerned,” Phoenix began, abruptly rising from her seat, picking up her black evening bag, “We don’t have a relationship. We’ve been moving way too fast, it’s clear to me now. How did I ever get mixed up in this? I shouldn’t have listened to Madison.”
“Phoenix,” Benji responded bewildered, rising from his seat and reaching for her arm, Phoenix hitting it away like it was some pestering bug, “You’re not making sense. Please talk to me. What does the charm have to do with anything?”
“It has to do with everything!” Phoenix screamed, trucking for the exit, Benji following her in toe, “It’s definitely a sign. I shouldn’t be doing this.”
Benji gazed at her deep in confusion, a string of lights brightening up the outside sidewalk, Phoenix exasperated to the point she punched the brick building, not even noticing the blood prickling from her knuckles.
“Do I have to spell it out for you?!” Phoenix bellowed, Benji stepping back cautiously, fearing for his safety, totally taken aback by Phoenix’s wild mood swing, “Ethan gave me that charm…that exact fucking charm for our anniversary. He’s holding it in his cold, dead hand as we speak.”
Benji tried to scramble for some words, stepping back toward an extremely frazzled Phoenix, reaching for her shoulder.
“Don’t touch me. I can’t stand your touch now. I thought I couldn’t live without it, but I was wrong. Dead wrong.” With that, Phoenix ran across the parking lot to her car, crying deeply, quickly jumped in, and sped of into the night. Benji sprinted to his Impala, turned the engine on, and did an illegal u-turn, burning rubber as he tried to tail her, feeling something ominous in the air, like the scent of death…
~*~
Phoenix’s tears blurred her vision as she drove down Route 62, rain beginning to batter against the roof of her Jetta, thunder crackling in the night sky like whips, Phoenix breathing short and heavy. The radio was playing almost inaudibly under her cries. How could Benji do that?! Phoenix believed she was finally over Ethan, than a curveball comes and sends her into hysterics. Phoenix could see the puzzle pieced together, the Marry Me charm, the mysterious backrubs, the Always and Forever charm. Ethan was telling her Benji wasn’t the one, that she wasn’t ready. Phoenix felt like she was dying inside, torn between her current and former lover, the passion for Benji still pulsing through her veins, and the memory of Ethan permanently locked inside her heart. Phoenix violently raked the tears from her cheeks, a white car whizzing past her, honking like there was no tomorrow at Phoenix’s reckless swerving in and out of lanes. Phoenix glanced back briefly, then sensed the beams of headlights scorching into her flesh like a cigar. She turned forward and saw a black mini-van speeding straight at her.
Phoenix screamed, immediately turning her wheel sharply to the left, her car skidding and spinning like a park ride across 2 lanes of traffic before smashing into a gnarly oak tree. Phoenix saw the front of her car crumpled like a sardine can, blood trickling into her mouth, and a cloudy white light exploding in front of her eyes, and on the radio, “With You In Your Dreams” by Hanson, sedating her into unconsciousness…
~*~
Benji sped past cars, water dancing underneath the wheels of his car, Benji using his periforal vision for a Jetta, the night too dark to depict colors, the night an enemy against Benji. Benji had a horrible lump of fear at the base of his throat. He felt so idiotic for his gift, but how was he supposed to know about that charm? Damn, she was chewing him out, but he shouldn’t have been so fucking defensive. Guilt became to pour sweat from his pores, knowing that if he’d be a common boyfriend and gave her roses and a necklace, she wouldn’t be out there in the night in such a dangerous state, easy prey to accident or worse...
Benji took out his cell phone and dialed ‘Phoenix Home’, hoping someone, maybe even Phoenix, would be there. After 4 rings, Madison answered out of breath, “Hello?”
“Madison, is Phoenix there?” Benji asked heatedly, zigzagging between cars like he was a street racer, the drivers only blurs of color against the horizontal rain bands on his windows.
“Isn’t she supposed to be with you?” Madison asked incredulously, throwing her light spring jacket over her Atticus sweatshirt and running a hand through her hair.
“We had a bad argument and she took off,” Benji informed Madison impatiently, arching his head over the steering wheel because something caught his eye.
“Oh, Man,” Madison moaned for Benji’s sake, sinking down into a dining room chair, “There’s no telling where she could have gone if she’s not here.”
Benji whispered “No,” swirling red and yellow lights stabbing him in the stomach and heart. As he drove closer, he saw an ambulance and 3 police cars pulled on the left side, a small purple car wedged into a tree, a mangled body laying lifelessly on a stretcher as the EMTs raced the stretcher into the ambulance.
“Benji? Benji?! What’s wrong? What do you see?” Madison’s voice plummeted to the floor as the phone slipped from his grasp…