Annie woke up before the twins, so she sat there for a little while watching them sleep, trying to keep herself from laughing at the poses they had ended up in on the floor. She went and got her bag from Benj's room where she had left it, and went to the bathroom.
*Flashback*
"You're never gonna be able to quit, you stupid whore. You know you can't... it's taken over you, you know it, I know it, your dad knows it.. So stop pretending and go get yourself some help!" She hears it all the time, everytime she even thinks she needs a "quick fix" she hears it, she knows he was right... but she was determined to do this on her own
*end flashback*
Annie hadn't told Benj, nor Joel for that matter, the entire truth. The entire truth would be that she never completely got over her heroine addiction. She made herself cut back more and more and more until she was using hardly any at all. She had tried going without any, but her body had been using it for 3 years now, she couldn't just stop that quickly, she cried as she took out a needle, and gave herself her daily "fix" to keep her going...
"Annie? Are you in there?", she heard Joel say as he knocked on the door. She's so glad she'd locked it. She put away her things, hid her bag in the corner, to make it look like it had always been there, and opened the door to see Joel.
"Still not a morning person are ya, hun?" she smiled. She couldn't look him in the eyes anymore, not after what she had just done, so she turned when he grabbed her and asked her if she was okay. "Joel, of course I am, why wouldn't I be?", she smiled, looked happy, but inside she was scared. Scared that he would find out, scared that he would see through her, scared that she would be left alone.
*3 hours later*
After loading everything onto the bus, and picking up Billy from visiting his grandparents, Joel, Benji, Paul, Aaron, Billy, and lastly, Annie, got on the bus and drove off to start their tour. She looked at them, she hadn't seen Paul, Billy, or Aaron in forever it seemed, she quickly ran up to them and hugged them.
"Billy Boy!", she said as she smiled. She had missed him alot. She hadn't seen him since they graduated, living on the other side of town with Lissa, she hadn't seen any of them since she had graduated, but she hadn't even talked to Billy, she'd heard from Benji and Joel about every other day on the phone, but with Billy, lets just say she had some catching up to do.
"Annie? AHH! Dude it's been FOREVER! How you been? come sit with me", He said, as Annie sat by him on the couch and the caught up on every little detail of the past year of their lives. She was so happy, she almost completely forgot about her addiction, about her dad, her mom, she felt like she was with the people who had always been her real family. And for the first time in her entire life, she felt like she belonged somewhere, she felt wanted, and nothing would have made her happier. Nothing.
"Annie, can I talk to you? It's kinda important...", Joel said with a serious tone, he took her hand and led her to the bunks. "Annie... what were you doing in the bathroom this morning? I know you weren't actually going to the bathroom because you never flushed the toilet... I heard you get up, and I know how long you were in there... what's going on? Why won't you tell me the truth?", he looked at her, she looked away. She felt sick. She couldn't take it anymore. She decided she was going to have to quit. For good. No more sneaking around, no more lying to the people she loved the most.
" Joel, I wasn't doing anything, I was just brushing my hair, it's not a big deal..." She lied, that was a terrible lie, he would never believe her... she knew it... she even looked guilty... she was going to have to tell him the truth... but she didn't want to do that. She knew how she would react, and she knew he only wanted what was best for her, but she was determined to do this on her own..
"Then why was the door locked Annie? You never lock the door, never, you don't even close it when you brush your hair, would you please stop lying to me Annie, I already know anyway, just admit it. I found it", He looked at her and he had an almost angry look in his eyes. She looked into his eyes, her eyes were wide with shock and a tear rolled down her cheek.
"Don't tell Benj, Joel, I'm begging you... he.. he would never talk to me again... And I can't lose either of you. I can't Joel you don't understand.. please...", she begged as she fell into his arms.
"How long were you going to keep the letter from him?", Joel asked, and Annie looked up. The Letter? He only found The Letter? She looked relieved and she took a deep breath, as she remembered exactly what The Letter said. She looked up at Joel... How did he find it? It was in her bag... hidden even better than...
"Wait... how did you find the letter, Joel?", She looked at him, he saw anger in her eyes. "That letter was hidden in my bag, I was waiting for the right moment to tell Benj that... well to give him that letter, how did you find it?", She was practically yelling by now, she made herself lower her voice so that no one else would come in.
"Annie, chill out. It fell out of your bag, when I saw it on the ground I picked it up, when I saw that it had Benji on it in big letters, my insinct took over... you have no idea, but Benji really loves you, and I didn't want him to get hurt," he said, defending himself. "He's my brother... what was I suppose to do?", he said as he handed her back the letter and she shoved it in her pocket
Annie sat there and looked at the ground. She got chills all over, she broke out into a cold sweat... she was shaking and scared. She couldn't let Joel notice this, so she went to the bathroom, where she threw up, and sat there, crying. Benji couldn't love her. She wasn't good enough for him. He deserved so much more than she could offer... she would only bring problems into both of their lives... she decided she was either going to have to tell her friends about her addiction, or go home, but she didn't have a home, she didn't have anywhere to go, she knew what she had to do, and she sat there thinking for hours about how she was going to do it.
The boys had their first show that night, and Annie had a list of options, she could stand in the crowd, hang out backstage, or stay on the bus, it didn't matter... but what she found out later that night, caused her to make a decision that would change her life... hopefully for the better.
She walked off the bus, and onto the venue and brought herself into the Arena where she flashed her pass and went backstage. She stood there for the longest time watching them all do what they did best, be a band. She listened, and as she listened to the lyrics, and remembered the first time she had ever heard them... she had been sleeping over the same night that Benji had written the song. It had always been her favorite.
"I am lost at the see thru,
I think you lost yourself too,
And throughout all of this confusion,
I hope I somehow get to you,
I practiced all the things I'd say,
To tell you how I feel,
And when I finally get my chance,
It all seems so surreal,
Cause from the first time I saw you,
I only thought about you,
I didn't know you I wanted to hold onto,
The things you'd never say to me..."
Those were the last words that she remembered hearing before she passed out...
She woke up the next morning with a terrified Benji by her side.
"Why didn't you tell me, Annie? I would have helped you... I would have...done something", was all he said before he started crying. She knew he knew... she was in the hospital, she knew they'd found it in her blood, but what she said next to Benj suprised him, as well as herself.
"I love you Benj... Can't you see, thats why I've been in the bathroom all day, thats why I passed out... I went all day without any because I was trying to quit... for you", she looked away and closed her eyes.
Benji grabbed her hand and just stared, he was shocked. He had no idea... but he finally knew the truth, the only problem is, that she was going to have to go a rehab center for 3 weeks, since he and Joel were the closest thing to family she had... they felt she needed help, so they did the only thing they knew...
3 days later, she was in a rehab center, sitting in the corner of the cold room shaking, crying, missing Benji, she finally told him the truth, and he had turned her away... she didn't know what to do. She knew that Joel would be there at the end of the 3 weeks to see if they thought she needed to stay longer, but she was determined to be out by then, she had to. She wasn't sure how much longer she could take it. They had taken everything, her bag, found her stash, even though it was a small amount, it was enough to make her admittable, all she wanted to do was call Joel, but she was afraid now,afraid of what he thought of her, of everything, and everyone....