About twenty minutes after Joel had left I had finally composed myself. This was mainly due to the fact that I physically couldn’t cry anymore. I just wound up sniffling and dry heaving. I felt disgusting and decided I was in desperate need of another shower.
I went over to my stereo player and hit “play”. I didn’t care what was already in there. I just needed to something to drown out the thoughts in my head.
As I entered the bathroom the familiar lyrics blasted through the living room and made their way into the bathroom.
She makes me laugh
She'll make me cry
And when we talk
She wonders why
That I can't breathe
Into this life
With the things she says
I wanna die
I let out a sigh as I pulled my shirt back over my head. It was just my luck that I would put on music to try to escape Joel and have it wind up being a song of his. Especially a song that had such meaning to me personally. I quickly made my way over to the stereo and listened to the lyrics for a moment. I remembered when that song was written and when I had first heard it.
***Flashback**
“Will you just push play already?” I said laughing slightly as Joel’s nervousness.
“Alright...but just remember. It’s a very rough version. We’re still work—“
“Joel, I’m sure that it’s great,” I said smiling reassuringly
“It’s just that…well this song it just… I just want you to like it,” Joel said trying hard to hide his embarrassment which was evident by his red cheeks.
He finally pushed play and he sat there staring at the stereo as the first verse started. He wouldn’t look directly at me, but I caught him glancing at me every few seconds. I tried to ignore his glances and went back to listening to the song. It was hard to really listen with him being so nervous and with him glancing at me every few seconds.
'Cause you're all
I wanted to find
'Cause you're all
I wanted to find
And I would drive
The whole night through
Just so I
Could spend it with you
I know you're mine
And I hope it's true
That when we fight
We will make it through
Now I could feel my cheeks starting to flush and I felt tears starting to form in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry, but I couldn’t help it. I kept m eyes on the stereo as the song continued and finally came to a close. He quickly pushed stop and we both sat there in silence for a moment.
“I love it,” I said trying not to sound too overly emotional. “I really *really* do.”
Joel smiled looking relieved, “I wrote it right after that argument that we had...I just needed to get everything I was feeling out…”
Joel and I had gotten into a huge argument a few months ago basically about how much time we were spending with each other. He was always doing something with the band and so I was always hanging out with my friends. We were both upset over the situation and Joel became jealous when I was hanging out with my guy friends. He wound up thinking that maybe one of them was interested in me and that I may actually be cheating on him. This caused me to become extremely angry. I couldn’t believe that he didn’t trust me. Etc. It took some talking and time, but we were able to get through it.
“I just want you to know how I feel about you. Everything I wrote for that song is true. You’re everything I could ever want in another person. I couldn’t …I don’t want to imagine what my life would be like without you in it.” Joel finished.
Tears were freely flowing down my cheeks at this point, “Thank you.” I managed to get out as I reached over and pulled Joel into a tight hug.
“You’re very welcome.” He said as he returned the hug and placed a light kiss on my forehead.
I turned around and made myself comfortable as I leaned back and placed my head on Joel’s chest.
“I love you.” I said softly
“I love you too.”
It wasn’t the first time that we had said it, but this time it just felt different. I closed my eyes and let myself relax a little more. If I could stay there with him like that forever I knew I would.
***End Flashback***
All the things we talk about
You know they stay on my mind
On my mind
All the things we laugh about
They'll bring us though it every time
After time, after time
'Cause you're all
I wanted to find
'Cause you're all
I wanted to find
I quickly hit the stop button before the next verse began. The fact that the song wasn’t going to be put on their second album spoke volumes to me now.
I sighed yet again and made my way back to the bathroom. I turned on the water and made sure it was as hot as I could handle. I quickly undressed, eager to be able to relax a little bit. I stepped into the shower and just let the warm water run over me for a few minutes. I let my mind wander and for a moment I didn’t even think about Joel, Liz, work, relationships…anything.
After being in the shower for 20 minutes the hot water was beginning to run out. I wasn’t eager to leave the warmth and relaxation of the shower, but I knew that I couldn’t hide in the bathroom forever.
After getting undressed and slipping into my robe I decided that I was tired of moping around the house. I needed to have a little fun and fun wasn’t shopping with Liz. I could be a good friend to Joel and Liz after I got in a little time for me.
I quickly dialed his cell phone number and waited impatiently for an answer.
“Hey,” the voice said on the other end.
“Benji, it’s Emilie. What do you say about all of us going to that club we used to hang out in tonight…”