It's nothing, it's so normal You just stand there I could say so much But I don't go there cause I don't want to I was thinking if you were lonely Maybe we could leave here And no one would know At least not to the point that we would think so Everyone here Knows everyone here is thinking about somebody else Well, it's best if we all keep it under our heads I couldn't tell, If anyone here was feeling the way I do But I'm lonely now, And I don't know how To get it back to good This don't mean that you own me Well, this ain't no good, in fact it's phony as hell Yeah but things worked out just like you wanted to If you see me out you don't know me Try to turn your head, try to give me some room To figure out just what I'm going to do Cause everyone here, Hates everyone here for doing just like they do And it's best if we all keep this quiet instead And I couldn't tell, Why everyone here was doing me like they do But I'm sorry now, And I don't know how To get it back to good Everyone here, Is wondering what it's like To be with somebody else And everyone here's to blame, And everyone here Gets caught up in the pleasure of the pain, Everyone here hides shades of shame, Yeah but looking inside we're the same, We're the same and We're all grown now, Yeah but we don't know how To get it back to good Everyone here, Knows everyone here is thinking 'bout somebody else And it's best if we all keep this under our heads See, I couldn't tell, If anyone here was feeling the way I do But it's over now, Yeah I don't know how, Guess it's over now There's no getting back to good...
There was no note; just his return address. The envelope held a single diamond ring. The night was cool and crisp as she stood by her mailbox, wondering what in the hell was going on. Her breathe caught in her throat as a wave of anger washed over her. Of course he would joke about this. Of course something like this would happen just as soon as she was confident enough to say she was over him, that he was just a simple infatuation. She inhaled the winter air, wanting to calm her nerves before she shut her mailbox and turned to make her way inside the apartment complex. A rustle of the bushes made her pause and a shadow emerged. Their eyes locked and it all rushed back as she looked at his solemn face in the light of the nearby streetlight...
***** “ Is that a no?” His words drifted and was tossed by the wind, smothering Julie with his voice. For a second, all she could focus on was the somber look he had on his face. There was a foreign intensity in his eyes that hadn’t existed before. “ What are you doing here?” She managed to ask, her voice shaking slightly with emotion. “ I came to see you,” He added simply, taking her in with his eyes. So much time had passed, so many words kept inside. There was an awkward pause before a loud car horn broke them out of the moment. Julie looked up and remembered that she needed to get inside. “ I’ve got to go,” She said stiffly. “ So you want me to just leave?” He inquired softly, making no attempt to walk away. “ I don’t want to see you, Alex,” There was a pause and he glanced up at the sky. “ Is it always this cloudy here?” Another wind blew through, chilling them thoroughly. “ I’m going inside,” She repeated but stayed in her spot. “ Tell me, Julie. Why London?” She sighed and began searching for the right key for the entrance door. “ You’re just going to walk away?” He said as she pushed open the door. “ You did,” She said sharply, not turning around and bending down to get the grocery bags. “ Julie...” She felt the familiar tears prickling at her eyes. “ I’m sorry...” He sighed,walking up the short flight of stairs to where she stood. “ Let me help you with those,” He made a reach but she pulled away and he looked at her, hurt. “ Fine...I can see you’re in no mood to talk. How about I leave my number and the address to the hotel?” He asked tentatively, not expecting her to be this cold. “ It’s been a year, Alex. I’m not making any promises,” She said in a low tone that hurt him more than any words could have. He shifted his weight guiltily. “ Do you have paper? I’ve got a pen-?...” She just looked impatiently at him. “ Right...I’ll just use this receipt,” He reached into her bag and pulled out the paper. He scrawled something on it and handed it to her awkwardly. She turned to start up the stairs. “ Wait...” She cast him a wary eye and hesitated. “ Jules, I’m sorry...” He repeated sincerely. “ So am I,” She said quietly before she moved out of view. Alex watched the front door slowly shut. Standing and staring up at the complex, the city swirled around him in it’s brilliant greens and reds, in it’s lights and people and warmth and coldness. He sighed before he turned to walk away...
***** “ And this is Julie,” Brian introduced, beaming at the slim brunette next to him. She smiled at offered a hand to AJ. “ Nice to meet you,” He said politely, unable to look elsewhere but her eyes. Brian stared at him with a look of pointedness and AJ snapped back to reality. “ Guys, this is Sarah.” AJ piped up, remembering his own significant other...
***** Julie stared out of her window and watched him walk away, her heart pounding. What was he doing here? He couldn’t do this now, not when she needed him then and he had walked away. She sighed and moved away from the window, glancing at the clock. Only 9:39. She knew her hopes of sleep had vanished for the night. The apartment seemed virtually empty and hollow as she unloaded the groceries. She was about to toss the empty plastic bag in the trash when she saw the receipt. Reluctantly retrieving it, she stared at his messy handwriting before placing it on the kitchen counter and finishing off in the kitchen. Was it even about them anymore? Three and a half years had passed, they were different people now. God, how she had missed him. Jules settled on the couch and turned on the tv to fill the emptiness around her. As the mechanical laughter on Seinfeld boomed, Julie’s thoughts drifted back to Alex. Something in his eyes had changed over the time. As if there was a new truth or...intensity in them. She stared at the tv screen blankly, not even aware of what the show’s plot was about. After a few minutes, she shut off the tv, wanting silence more than a headache. She stood up and went to the bathroom to draw a hot bath, hoping it’d calm her nerves enough for some sleep. She got in the tub with the portable phone on the ground next to her. In her mind, she looked at the situation from every angle and unfortunately felt obligated to call him...
***** “ Where’s Sarah?” He looked up from pouring his drink. “ Where’s Brian?” He challenged, raising an eyebrow as she moved around him to get a martini glass. “ He’s here,” She answered off-handedly. “ Oh?” AJ took a sip of his brandy and watched her. “ You didn’t answer my question,” Julie said, turning back to him. “ She’s out of town.” “ Oh?” She echoed his words...
***** “ Julie, I’m sorry. If I could take it back I swear, I would.” “ How did you get my number?” “ Jesus Christ, please don’t go all stalker b.s. on me, I got it from the phone book, you’re listed.” Impatience rang through his voice. “ Have you been drinking?” “ No more than you have. This isn’t a matter of my solidity and you damn well know it.” He snapped, sighing into the phone. Two nights had passed since he had dropped by and she hadn’t called him. “ What do you want, Alex?” “ What do you think I want, Julie?” “ You honestly want to know?” She challenged before plundering on. “ I think you want an escape to the past, to a year ago. I think you enjoyed the intrigue of the situation, savored the riskiness of it and now you want a piece of it back.” “ Do you really believe that?” “ Yes.” She replied evenly, her voice firm. “ Thus you could care less, am I right? I mean nothing to you...” “ Yes.” There was a silence and she felt a flicker of triumph; she had won this one. “ Then you know it’s bullshit.” “ What?” “ You spent so much fucking time coming up with a theory, so much time thinking about you and I, about us, you just shitted on all you just declared to be true. To do so much thinking, you apparently do care.” The line went dead.
***** The party dragged on, everything a big cover-up of how lonely everyone in the room was. The laughter that rang sounded maniacal, the words fake. He stood by the large, scenic windows, looking down at the picturesque scene around him, the City of New York lay in anonymity on the still winter night. “ So she really is out of town, huh?” Glancing at her for a second, yet noticing everything about her, right down to the subtle snugness of the burgundy silk she had on, he considered his answer. “ She’s always out of town. Usually to get away from me...” He feigned a laugh to make it more consumable, less serious. “ Hmm...” She mused, following his eyes and gazing out to the world below them. “ Is he here too?” AJ asked, not bothering to meet her eyes this time. “ Of course,” She replied. “ He’s always here.” AJ gave her a sideways glance, disliking her air of breeziness. “ Lucky you to always be there for him.” He spoke, his interest back in the falling flakes of snow. “ Lucky her to always be away,” Julie said. He felt her presence move away before smelling the scent of perfume as she walked past him...
***** Julie had been walking for hours and she found herself in front of his hotel. Her face pale and ruddy from the cold and her feet aching,she stood and looked up at the dark building, assuming she was asleep. She didn’t know how to fix this. Her life had been empty; hollow this past year and sure people thought she was content, that she wasn’t brooding over a lost someone but as soon as the dust settled at night and she was alone again, she felt the lack of his presence all over again. She needed a purpose to live, someone to come home to. Sighing, she entered the building after someone walked out of it and had caught the door just before the card entry system kicked in. Glancing at the receipt with his address, she took the elevator up stopped in front of his door, nervous now. He was upset with her now, maybe he wouldn’t want to see her. Before she could change her mind, she knocked softly on the door and waited. She saw the light turn on several seconds after. “ Who is it?” “ It’s me...Can we talk?” There was a pause and she heard his faint sigh of hesitance before the door slowly opened...
***** “ You’re unhappy with her.” AJ looked at her, then back at the elevator’s numbers. “ Then why do it? At all? Why devote your life to someone who doesn’t appreciate it, doesn’t care?” She sighed emphatically, saying the words for both of them, not just him. It was several days later, three party run-ins behind them and most of their conversations had pretty much revolved around each other’s love lives, yet neither picking up too much from them; it was, after all, just party talk, nothing meaningful. The elevator stopped on the 18th floor and a senior man with a large shopping cart of precious junk got in, forcing the two closer than what was comfortable. “ Is that all your stuff?” AJ glanced wonderingly at Julie as she eyed the man’s cart meaningfully. “ Yes.” “ Are you throwing it out or...?” “ I’m moving out of here. My wife and I are in the midst of a divorce.” “ I’m sorry...How long were you married?” “...Thirty-two years, this Wednesday.” The man replied in a distressed tone. AJ leaned back against the elevator, closing his eyes behind his tinted glasses. “ Would you like some help taking it to your car?” She asked when the elevator stopped on the lobby. “ No, thank you.” The man exited and Julie turned to AJ, as if she had just proved her point. “ Nice seeing you again, Julie.” AJ said, moving past her and out of the elevator. “ Well?” She called after him and he half-turned around, still walking. “ Well what?” “ Aren’t you going to ask me if I need a ride?” AJ sighed and stopped walking. “ Do you need a ride?” “ Yes.” “ Great.” He turned back around and continued on towards the doors. “ Where are you going?” She asked, frustrated. “ Home.” “ What about my ride?” “ You tell me, I’m walking.” “ What?” “ I didn’t bring my car.” He heard her sigh and chuckled. Pushing open the door, he looked back. “ Besides, where’s Brian?” Am ever-so-innocent smirk played on her ruby-colored lips. “ He’s out of town.”...
***** The darkness shrouded his face in a mask yet she saw the apprehension in his eyes. She was standing in his open doorway, waiting for him to say something. “It’s nearly three in the morning, Julie.” He finally said, his voice thick with sleep. “ I know...I couldn’t sleep.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “ I think you should leave...” “ Leave? Why?” “ Because, Julie. I’m not in the mood to discuss our faults so soon after our telephone conversation tonight. Words unmeant to be said might happen anyways and that’s all I need.” “ We’ll talk another time.” He said by means of promise, moving to the door. “ Drive safely.” He added when she didn’t budge. “ I walked.” “ Walk safely, then. Take a cab, it’s dangerous.” The door shut...
***** “ Let’s go get a drink.” Sarah said to AJ, following his surveying gaze as he scanned the room for her. Two weeks had passed since their last parting and she had been missing from the usual socialite “party” scene. “ AJ?” “ Ok, drinks, let’s go.” He sighed to himself and followed Sarah to the refreshments table. “ There’s Brian and Kevin, we should say hi,” He said when he spotted the two standing with Kristin, Kevin’s current. “ Hi, guys.” AJ greeted, offering a smile to them. “ Hey, AJ.” They chorused. “ Sarah, good to see you again.” “ So, Brian, where’s Julie?” “ Julie? Oh, she’s at her mother’s house upstate.” Out-of-town. “ Really? Why?” Sarah and Kevin eyed AJ strangely. “ Um...I don’t know, she missed her, I guess.” “ What?” He asked of Kevin’s questioning gaze. “ How long have you been back, Sar?” Brian inquired, ignoring the exchange between the two. “ Oh, just a few days. Not like you can tell I was gone with how AJ’s behaving.” She said, laughing her artificial laugh, the others joining. “ What is that supposed to mean?” AJ asked her, squinting at her. “ Nothing, Darling. Shall we go say hi to Eric and Michelle?” “ Anything you wish,” He muttered under his breath, parting with her...
***** “ Hi, Julie...It’s Brian...Um, is this thing working? *nervous laugh*...Well, I’m in town for a few days and was wondering if you wanted to maybe...get together? Maybe for dinner or something? Well, I don’t know which hotel I’ll be staying in at the moment but I’ll try calling again...*BEEP*”
***** His head was swimming and he barely noticed when Julie at down next to him on the sofa, watching several other people playing pool at Michael’s birthday shindig. “ You’re drunk.” She commented after watching him for several seconds. “ Wow...And you’re back.” He answered, seeing her for the first time in nearly a month. “ Yes, I am. Not that Brian’ll notice though.” She pouted, her ruby lipstick catching light from nearby and making them enticing to AJ’s drunken state of mind. “ You know, that’s exactly what my girlfriend said...bout me...” AJ replied, slurring a bit on his words. “ Maybe she’s right?” “ Maybe you two are wrong.” “ I doubt that.” “ I don’t...How’s your mother?” “ She’s dead.” She stated bluntly. “ Excuse me?” AJ did a double-take, staring at her. “ She has been for the past 14 years.” “ I’m sorry.” He leaned back, thinking hard. “ You know, I coulda sworn Brian said you were visiting your mom?” “ He did.” AJ shook his head, confused but too drunk too sit and analyze other people’s business. “ So you miss me?” He asked, flashing a grin. “ I bet your girlfriend did.” He sighed and rolled his eyes. “ Must you bring her up so often? It’s as if you’re dating her.” He said, returning his gaze back to the pool table. “ Did Brian miss me?” “ Jeez, how am I supposed to know?” “ You’re upset I didn’t say I missed you.” “ And? So what?” “ So, fine, I missed you. How’s that?” “ You’re a damn liar. You don’t even know me, how could you miss me?” “ It’s what you wanted to hear, isn’t it?” “ Don’t tell me what I want to hear, tell me the truth.” He snapped. “ You’re a complicated person.” Their silence ensued. “ I missed your eyes.” She stated cunningly a few minutes later. He looked at her, studying her face before saying; “ I bet she did too.” “ I doubt that.” “ I don’t.” “ Why would you? People would say anything for money.” “ Would you?” “ No.” “ Then why are you still with Brian?” “ Because he loves me.” “ So? Be with me.” “ You don’t love me.” “ I could. I love your lips, does that count?” “ What a charmer you are. Besides, what about your girl?” “ I don’t love her anymore.” “ But I’m sure she does?” “ She loves my money, I thought we already established that.” “ We did, I’m saying that I’m sure she loves your eyes and if that counts for you, it counts for her.” “ I’m confused.” He released their topic as simply as it had began, brandishing off another shot of tequila. “ You shouldn’t have any more.” “ Why?” “ Your eyes are red.”
***** One-Eighteen...One-twenty-one. For those minutes of waiting, he was positive she wasn’t going to show. “ Sorry I’m late.” She finally appeared at the pub a few minutes away from where he was staying; a great place for a private conversation. The pub was small, booth-seats on the sides of the dark interior, and almost always crowded. Today was no exception, the place was packed with lunchtime people, providing them with the perfect atmosphere of privacy as to how everyone was concerned with their own affairs. She slid in the booth in front of him, taking in the empty coffee cup in his hands. “ Did you order?” She inquired, slipping off her coat and setting it next. “ Not hungry,” He replied, looking at her. She noticed his tired expression, the sleep in his eyes. “ Rough night?” He was silent for a minute, busy stubbing out his cigarette in the cheap steal ashtray. “ I miss you, Julie.” He ultimately said, not hassling himself to look up. It was her turn to stay quiet, focusing on the people around them. “ I was hoping you’d say the same thing.” “ What can I say, Alex?” She sighed, looking back at him. “ I spent a year trying to convince myself I didn’t need you and you show up again?” “ I’m sorry.” He frowned to himself, as if this wasn’t the way their conversation was supposed to carry on. “ I’m going to check if my food is ready,” She said, standing up and walking away...
***** “ I don’t think this is working anymore, Sarah.” He practiced to himself aloud, alone in his living room as he cleaned up and waited for her to come back home. Looking up when he heard keys jangling and the door unlocking, she entered the room with a satisfied smile. “ Hey, sweetie, wanna see what I bought?” She asked, holding up her armload of bags. “ Sure.” He was hit with a wave of stifling unhappiness. Julie had been right, he was living a lie with Sarah, he felt unfulfilled with her. “ What’s wrong?” She asked, catching his expression. “ Nothing,” He assured, peeking into a bag to distract her...
***** “ Are you sure you don’t want anything to eat?” Julie asked as he shook his head no. “ You’re nervous.” He commented, sipping his second cup of coffee as he watched her eat. “ Why do you say that?” “ You keep talking about food and repeating yourself.” “ Look who’s talking.” “ You must really be worried about what I have to say, you’re never nervous.” “ Brian called.” She let blurt, watching his changed expression. “ Did he?” He asked evenly, masking his thoughts. “ He wants to go to dinner.” “ And what did you say?” “ I wasn’t home, he left a message.” “ Does he know I’m here?” “ I don’t think so.” “ Are you planning on going to dinner with him?” “ I don’t know...” “ Haven’t talked to him for awhile.” “ Eat something.” AJ smiled for a second. “ I’m fine, really, Jules.” They sat in silence for a few minutes as she ate, neither finding the right words to say. “ Alex, it’s been a long year,” Julie started, pushing her plate away and looking at him. “ And if I said to you that I hadn’t missed you, I’d be lying. I did miss you and I believe you when you say you missed me but...” She inhaled and looked away from his intense expression. “ But I think you are making a blind decision in asking me to marry you. When we were together, we were both unhappy in our other relationships, me with Brian and you with Sarah and so I think that...what we had was a relief to you, an escape. You probably believed it to be something that it might not have been to you-” “ What was it to you?” He broke in questioningly. “...I was in a point in my life where...things were too idle. I was getting restless; what with Brian but in other aspects, too. My life seemed meaningless to me, I hadn’t reached much of what I thought I would and so when we met...” She sighed again, mashing the leftover food with her fork. “ What you don’t understand, Alex, is that I thought you and I were the real deal, it wasn’t just a fling to me. It may have started out as one but ultimately, it meant much more. I believed every word you had said in our time spent together, foolish as it may sound but I did.” “ So did I, Julie, I meant every word I said to you.” “ But that’s the thing, you were just happy I wasn’t Sarah, that I wasn’t after your money or demanding commitment. To you, it was just a no-frills sex escapade, your cheap and easy way to let go of whatever complications you had with her and be with someone else.” “ That’s not true-” “ Isn’t it? Cause that’s certainly what it seemed like to me, Alex, when you left.” “ I had my reasons, Julie. And I thought sure-as-hell you weren’t getting what I was out of our relationship, I thought you wanted out.” He defended. “ Immediately after, I felt guilty for going behind Brian’s back. I especially felt like shit when he found out. He was hurt, I hadn’t stopped for a second and thought of what if he found out, I jumped in headfirst and managed to fall in love with you, not him, the man I was supposed to be dating but you, the one who didn’t seem to give a damn about any of it.” “ I did care-...Julie, if this is about why I left...It should be obvious. You’re initial reaction to Brian finding out from Sarah confused the hell out of me, it seemed you wanted more of him in a relationship than you wanted me. I figured if Sarah didn’t want me anymore and Brian hated me and you-...And you just wanted nothing more to do with me, I should just take off, let things cool over. I came back, Julie. I was away for no more than a month and a half and when I come back and hear you’re gone, Brian’s back in Orlando and Sarah’s gone to Los Angeles, I was crushed. I did a lot of thinking while I was away and figured that since you and Brian weren’t together anymore, you and I could have a shot at more than just a physical relationship.” “ So you leave it be for a year and then come find me in London to propose?” “ I don’t understand why you sound so upset over it, Julie?” “ Because you don’t know me, Alex. You don’t know what I like, what I don’t like. You don’t know what my favorite colors are or foods are. The only tidbits you picked up along the way aren’t substantial enough for you to think you love me.” She said fervently as he shook his head. “ I love you. I am in love with you.” He emphasized, slipping a hand over hers and looking at her. “ I was incredibly hurt when you left.” She half-whispered, biting back tears and avoiding his eyes. “ I’m sorry. I truly am, I was confused.” Alex replied regretfully, tilting her face upwards. He leaned forward and met her lips in an embrace, stroking her face when he pulled away. “ The ring was jumping to conclusions, assuming you’d feel the same way I do.” He said by means of apology, slipping his fingers through her’s. “ Just say you’re willing to give this another chance?”...
***** “ I’ll walk you up.” AJ said, inspecting the shabbiness of the neighborhood. “ It’s not as bad as it looks.” She replied as he pulled to a stop in front of her building. “ It never is,” He answered as they got out of the car, double-checking the alarm before entering the building. They walked through the lobby and towards an ancient elevator. “ You shouldn’t feel obligated to come all the way upstairs with me.” Julie said when they got in the elevator. “ Actually, I’m kind of hoping you’ll invite me in for a drink.” He said wryly. “ Really?” They rode up the elevator in silence. “ Well, thanks for the ride.” She said, once at her door. “ Don’t mention it.” “ Hmm. The big moral decision of the night, should I invite you in for a drink or let you go your separate way?” She murmured aloud, turning to unlock the door. “ AJ, would you care for a drink?” She offered grandly, opening the door. “ Sure.” They entered and she dropped her coat and purse onto the sofa nearby. “ What would you like?” She asked, heading into the kitchen. “ Anything. Same as you.” “ So have you lived here long?” “ Mmm. Two years?” She returned with martinis and sat next to him on the loveseat he had dropped himself into. “ Thanks.” “ Uh-Huh.” “ So where’s Brian been lately? Haven’t talked to him for awhile.” “ Lexington. It’s his dad’s birthday.” “ Aah. So are you enjoying your time away from him as you hinted you would?” “ Might as well make the best of it, right?” She asked with a devious smile. “ You might as well.” He agreed, sipping at his drink. “ How did you and Brian end up together anyways? You’re not his type.” “ Am I your’s rather than Brian’s?” “ You’re anyone’s rather than Brian.” “ You’re right, I’ve seen pics of his ex’s.” “ And?” “ And he’d be better off with someone sweeter.” “ Glad you realize that.” He smirked. “ What about you?” “ Sarah?” “ Is she always the type of person you look for?” “ Not intentionally, no.” “ Then why are you still with her?” “ Who knows...” “ You should.” “ I should, I know.” They sat in a contemplative silence for a few minutes until he drained his drink and stood up. “ Thanks for the drink, Julie. I should get going.” “ So soon? We both know you’re not going to sleep any time soon.” “ Maybe I will.” “ The only way you’re going to get into bed before two am is if Sarah is over.” “ I actually haven’t even considered that all night.” “ Not even just now?” She asked, following him to the door. “ All I came up for was a drink.” He responded, his hand on the doorknob. “ You know that wasn’t what you wanted.” He turned and looked at her. “ Maybe it wasn’t.” He said,staring at her for a second longer before opening the door. “ Have a good night, Julie.” “ you might as well take it for what it’s worth, AJ.” She murmured while reaching up to catch his lips in a kiss. He didn’t resist but pulled away several seconds later. “ Sleep tight,” She parted slyly, shutting the door.
***** “ I’m a changed person like you wouldn’t believe,” Julie called to him while she cranked up the heater and slipped off her coat, tossing it on her bed. “ This is your room?” He appeared in the doorway, looking around the room. “ Yeah.” “ Nice...Much better than your New York apartment.” He commented, remembering the shitty neighborhood of her previous tenement. “ Definitely.” She turned back to him and gave a wary smile. “ Mind if I change?” “ Sure, no problem, I’ll just wait in the other room.” He went back to the living room and when a glimmer of shine caught his eye from the kitchen counter. Half hidden under some grocery store ads was the ring. He moved towards it and picked it up. The fact that it had been carelessly thrown under some ads brought a pink tinge to his cheeks. How could he expect her to marry him so soon? Without honestly knowing each other? The whole thought was uncalled for, he shouldn’t have put her in that position with so much in the air between them. He pocketed the ring and took a seat on the couch.
***** He impatiently got out of the now-familiar elevator and walked to her door. Knocking, he pushed it open all the way and planted a hungry kiss on her lips before she had even managed to realize who it was. “ Jesus, what’s wrong?” She asked breathlessly, taken slightly aback as he shut the door behind them. “ You were right, I’m back...I can’t take her anymore, I hate being with her.” He murmured into her hair as he kissed at her neck. Julie pushed him away and inspected his face, donning a curious expression. “ You didn’t break up with her, did you?” “ No.” He tossed the question away and leaned in for another kiss, sparking their soon-to-be two month affair...
***** “Maybe this isn’t...working out...” Julie said quietly, rising from the bed and taking one of the sheets with her. “ What do you mean?” He inquired, watching as she came to a stop in front of the large windows, displaying the sights twenty-six floors below them. “ Do you realize that I’ve seen you more in this past month since this whole...thing started than I have Brian? And he doesn’t notice, he’s blind to it,” She said earnestly, running a hand through her messy hair in vain hopes of straightening it out. “ Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work? I mean, it would be skewed if he knew, wouldn’t it?” He inquired as she sighed. “ That wasn’t what I meant...What I have with him doesn’t constitute a relationship and what I have with you...” She sighed again and faced him. “ Well,look around. This is the second week of tour, we’re in a fucking Ritz at three in the morning in the middle of Tokyo with Brian a few floors above us and...-Jesus, this is how it’s been for the past month. This isn’t a relationship either,” She emphasized, turning to find her nightgown. “ So what you’re saying is you want a relationship?” “ Yes, something deep that goes further than talking about what he ate for breakfast and lunch and dinner-...And something that extends further than sex.” “ Jules, come sit.” She did as he suggested and studied his face in the darkness. “ You want me to end what I have with Sarah, tell me. This is your call, you want us to go public with this, I’ll do it.” He assured unwaveringly, a questioning look written upon his face. “ But the real question is, do you want this between you and I or you and someone else?” “ That’s not a real question, Alex, you know how I feel about this.” She chided almost angrily and he exhaled stressfully. “ We should get some sleep, it’ll seem less severe in the morning.” She obliged, not wanting to cause any more strain between the two of them...
***** “ What the hell is going on between you two, Julie?” Brian thundered, his voice loud in her apartment. “What are you talking-” “ I got a call from Sarah today.” Brian said, his face ashen in a temper she hadn’t previously seen in him. “ Sarah? AJ’s Sarah?” “ Yes, AJ’s Sarah but it seems they aren’t together anymore. Can you guess why that is?” She rolled her eyes and walked back to the kitchen. “ Brian, you and I are together, why should it matter what’s going on with other people?” She covered, pouring a glass of water for herself. “...How long, Julie?” He asked quietly, almost remorsefully. “ How long what?” “ Jesus, would you stop pretending? I know about you and AJ.” He snapped, looking intently at her. “ There’s nothing going on between me and AJ, you should check your sources,” She snapped sharply, meeting his gaze with her own. “ Why?” He asked, his shoulders slumping a bit as she returned the water to the sink. “ God, was I not there enough?” He inquired, turning and pacing a little. “ Brian, right now isn’t a good time.” “ Tell me why,” He demanded firmly, his last ounce of resolve gone as he sat on one of the sofas. “ It’d be better if we-” “ We need to talk, Jules.” He interrupted warily...
***** “ Hi, Brian. Sorry I keep missing your calls but thanks for leaving your number...*sigh*...About getting together, I don’t think that’s such a great idea...I’m back with AJ and I know what you’re thinking but...I think we’ve both changed for the better and we’re just going to be taking it one day at a time and hopefully not let things spiral out of control again like it did last time...Ok,well,I’m sorry again...Hope you enjoy your trip here...Bye*beep*...”
***** “ Jesus, Sarah, you shouldn’t have said anything to him!” AJ snapped, watching as she tossed her clothes into suitcases angrily. “ He needed to know what kind of whore he was dating.” She vehemently said, throwing in another pair of pants. “ You didn’t have to be the one to tell him-” “ Then who? Apparently, you two were keeping it secret, she wasn’t going to tell and I sure as hell know you weren’t either! Poor Brian!” “ God, like you even fucking care, Sarah! Would you just drop the act?” “ Go to hell!” “ Gladly, if it meant getting away from you.” She snapped shut her suitcases and picked them up, nearly staggering from the weight. “ You are such a fuckin’ asshole.” She yelled on her way out of the door, stomping as she left. Once alone in the apartment, AJ threw himself down on the sofa, sighing heavily. It was over, their veil was torn off and everyone would probably know before Sarah even made it to her flight. Cursing himself for being so careless by inviting Julie over while Sarah was away and letting things get sloppy, he was positive she would want nothing to do with him anymore as he got up to pack a few things and leave town for a while.
***** “ I called Brian.” Julie said softly, returning to her room and attracting AJ’s attention from the television screen. “ Really? What did you say?” “ That you and I were back together...And planning on taking it a day at a time...” She answered, sitting next to him as he leaned up with a smile for a quick kiss.” “ I love you.”...
**EPILOGUE** I still don’t think anyone understands the intensity of me and Alex’s previous relationship. It was one of those strange situations where words would just confuse the mess it had become. But let me try to explain. Those few weeks after we had decided to ‘give it a shot’ were, for lack of a better word, glorious. No, there was no major epiphany informing us that we would have a future ahead of us; it was more subtle than that. The time we spent together reminded us that we were lucky to be with each other and it was the little things that made us realize, indeed, we truly were in love. For what it’s worth, it was completely unlike our old relationship which was fueled solely on physical passion and a yearning for another person. We now have a better understanding of each other, a more concise friendship than we ever thought attainable a year ago. When our little amour started, we both were in desperate need of someone else; of a new beginning. We both were involved with people unlike us in so many ways, it should have been more obvious. Upon our first meeting, there was instant attraction that led us to be more vindictive in deciding the answers to questions asked later on down that road, and eventually hurting two people along the way. Yes, Brian was a sweet guy and I’m sure that deep down, Sarah was a charming person in her way but they weren’t for us. Stifling would be a better word to describe our lives prior to our meeting and in each other we found that escape. While I’m sure he would have just as easily been satisfied with the secretary down the street, destiny paired us together and for that, I am grateful. Our ‘old relationship’ was not just sex, it deemed to be almost philosophical, thus leading us in deeper than we had assumed. In other words, throughout our endless conversations of exploring our lives and the things missing from them, we learned a lot about and from each other. The bigger picture, you ask? Yes, we did end up falling in love, just not in the oh-so-obvious manner of Sleepless In Seattle. Where do we stand now? Only time can tell and only fate will prove, as of now, we’re just living through each day with one another...
Email: bsbelevenfiftynine@hotmail.com
