OF THE HEAVENS~
IS REMEMBERED BY HIS THREE BROTHERS:
DYLAN AND THE BABY LITTLE RAY SENT
HEAVEN 2 WEEKS AFTER HIS PASSING....
is the incredible story of my son Ray Reyes who was born into this world
to give Love and, who in parting, taught forgiveness, strength in adversity,
and an enduring relationship with our saviour Lord Jesus Christ.
The night of December 9, 1990 will forever be etched in my mind. It was
the day my son Ray was born. After an arduous labor he was born with serious
complications and was rushed to a hospital in Portland, Oregon. My doctor
had discharged me early and through his tears had told me my son would
probably not live through the night. I will never forget the incredible
experience of feeling God's presense in my life. That night as my
husband and I made the hour long journey to the hospital, I prayed.
I begged God to give me my child ...I wanted my son to live. I could not
bear to lose him and I remember asking God to spare him, I wanted him even
if he would be handicapped for the rest of his life. At the time I hadn't
realized what a selfish request this was, but I was hurting and I could
not bring myself to bury my child. I will forever remember God telling
me that he would give me my wish, but that I would never, ever blame him
for what I had asked for.
When my husband
and I reached the hospital, we were told that my son, Ray, was put
on a ventilator and his kidneys were shuting down. We were also told that
he probably would not survive. We were given the opportunity to have a
baptism and a chaplain to perform last rites. We chose to go through
with it, but in my mind I remembered God's promise to me. The next day,
we were told that his kidneys had started to function and he seemed to
be doing better. Ray ended up staying in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit
for a month and a half. The real journey of Little Ray's life was about
Over the coarse
of Little Ray's life, my sweet little son endured some of the most difficult
times. At four months of age my son
was diagnosed with severe cerebral palsy, Lennox-Gastaut syndrome (a severe
form of epilepsy) and cortical blindness. He was tube fed because he was
unable to eat and he had painful seizures every day of his life. He endured
physical, occupational and speech therapy and saw countless other doctors
and clinics. I can tell you as a mother watching your child in the agony
my son was in was horrific, it ate at my heart. The last year of his life,
he suffered a dislocated hip and we were placed on a waiting list to have
surgery at Shriner's. He had a successful surgery and was in the process
of healing. It was the first year our family planned a two week vacation
with him far away from home. I wanted to take him to the ocean. We made
plans for the last two weeks in August. We never got to take him to the
ocean, he died August 3, 2000 as a result of a severe grand mal seizure.
When he died,
I felt I had been let down. I felt alone and in incredible pain. One day
on a drive home I cried out to God , I begged God for a sign that my son
was alright. I screamed Ray's name over and over, I cried so hard I could
barely see the road up ahead. As I cried , I looked up into the sky and
I was amazed at what I saw. Across the sky was the most vivid, colorful
rainbow I had ever seen. I had never seen such a giant rainbow stretched
all the way across the sky, it became my entire view. I instanly felt the
presense of God and my beautiful son. The image brought me immense peace
and reminded me that my son was in absolutely no pain and that he would
hurt no more but find peace in the arms of Jesus. My son for the first
time in his existence was in complete peace, and for me it was the first
realization of that truth.
I know my son
was not put on this earth for his own lesson to be learned, he was put
here to teach myself and others.What my son taught me was incredible love,
strength, peace and forgiveness. As I watched him endure painful
procedures , surgery and therapy, I wondered if I as a grown woman would
ever have had the strength to endure as he did. My relationship with my
son has brought me closer with God and has empowered me to share
God's Love with others. The journey has not been easy, this road is difficult
but I refuse to allow any negative come from the death of my child. My
child was and always will be a direct link to God. My precious son, Little
Ray, will always have a hand in the direction I chose to take in my life
and I want the road and the journey to be a positive one.
When in the darkest
of the night and I am in anguish, I think of my son and even though I will
miss him throughout this lifetime, I know that the essense of his spirit,
is safe and in the most beautiful of places ..........Heaven in the arms
of God's son who gave us eternal life. To the God whom he himself felt
the agony of losing a beloved child....his son Jesus Christ.
had gone to Little Ray's Grave and it was a few days before his birthday.
I was standing out at his grave and I suddenly smelled an overwhelming
scent of strawberries or a scent very similar...not real ones but the fakey
version of them. I knew this scent and yet I could not place it. I thought
maybe it had been coming from another grave or from the blanket I had laid
on his grave to keep him warm.
This smell so
so so strong it was deliciously sweet, like the lotions in the stores that
you just want to drink. I moved away from his grave trying to locate the
origin of this scent. But then I realized that the further away from
the grave the further away the scent became. I got down on my hands
and knees all the while talking to God and Little Ray. The scent seemed
to come up from his grave. It permeated the ground. There was no denying
it. There was no way to make it go away.
It was not a wish
of mine, it was confusing I desperately racked my brain to associate this
smell with my son. I tried my hardest to link it to my angel Ray. I couldn't
though. It was like desparately trying to smell "him" through a pair of
his unwashed socks. I saw absolutely no connection dispite trying.
I was so disappointed I had not gotten a sign from him, this smell must
have been from something in the ground or I was losing my mind. I was sure
I was losing my mind.
I went home thinking
all the way, what that meant....the smell of berries so strongly embedded
into my memory it was as though it was STILL there. I asked my husband
out of desparation. I asked him if he had any memories of Little Ray that
were associated with
He said he didn't. I was so disappointed and yet it was so strong it was
nearly impossible for me to forget and dismiss it. I asked him if he was
sure, if there was any association or meaning to him. I thought maybe there
could have been something I did not remember or a memory that only my husband
knew. I was so let down.
After about 2
weeks I didn't think about it anymore. Then on December 19th, I was getting
ready to go out to dinner, and I was putting on my make up and doing my
hair in the hall mirror. The mirror is in a closet in the hallway. In the
closet are all my makeup and hair products..........and a bottle of lotion.
It hit me so hard
I wanted to jump and cry and scream all at once. One month before Little
Ray died he had been in a body cast. He had to have major surgery on his
legs and his hip reconstructed. He had some bleeding complications and
had to have 4 blood transfusions. He had bled so much into the cast that
it was virtually unpadded. The dried blood had started to reek a very foul
odor. I heard many nurses complaining about the smell of his cast. I felt
sorry for Ray because if they couldn't stand it you can imagine how bad
it was for him.
I went to the
store and I bought the strongest most wonderfully scented lotion I could
find. I found a luscious rasberry scented one. The scent was so strong
it could mask the unpleasant scent of the cast and keep his skin soft at
the same time. When he was in the hospital, I rubbed the lotion on him
many times. The scent filled the room it even drifted out into the nurses
I think Little
Ray liked it. He always loved having lotion rubbed on him. This bottle
of lotion standing there staring me in the face almost... I instantly wondered
about the memory I had forced myself to forget....the memory I had dismissed
as my lunatic mind running wild. When I opened the bottle...for just a
split second I wondered if the scent would be the same.I realized it was
the same....I smelled again just to be sure...i wanted to be as objective
as possible. I realized the significance of this scent right then and there.
I opened the bottle and took in deep deep breaths as though I was drinking
cold water on a hot day. I took in the verification that I was not Crazy,
I had not after all lost my mind. I smelled the scent of this beautiful
gift....this beautiful sign....this beautiful reassurance. I danced around
..I celebrated this event. I can say but one thing....
Thank you Little
and I love
you with my whole crazy heart.
"Are not all
ANGELS ministering spirits sent
to serve those
who will inherit salvation?"
MANSION OF HEAVEN~
world however beautiful was never meant to be,
place that we would call our home for all eternity.
though we would not chose to leave,
God knows best,
in His time He lifts us to a place of peace and rest.
he has built a mansion where his children will abide,
from pain and sorrow, forever at his side.
said He'd never leave us to face our trials alone,
though we sometimes fail Him, He never fails his own.
even when our choices are less than He would ask,
knows when human courage is unequal to the task.
cannot judge what happens, though tears and questions start,
only see what's visible, God sees into the heart.
though there may be many things that we cannot explain,
can be sure it breaks His heart to see His children's pain.
loving arms He bears us to a quiet place apart,
He mends the wounded spirit and heals the broken heart.
though these ones we love so much have left our present sight,
passed into a better world of majesty and light,
we'll be together in our Father's home above,
we'll thank Him for His mercy and praise Him for His Love.
OF THE HEAVENS~
"IN GOD'S HANDS"
WAS CREATED BY
AND IS MAINTAINED
BY PATRICIA KUSILA
art image by: