Rock Criticism Made Simple:
a primer and a second coat
I ain’t one to toot my own horn or anything, but I don’t know a lot. Which is good considering the company one takes up in sticking that sentence on your resume like one of the ancient Greeks did waaay back when. In particular, rock and roll music has been chock full of such sagacity.
Obvious examples: “I don’t know much bout trigonometry, etc.”
“If I claim to be a wise man, it surely means I don’t know” according to Kansas
“Tell the truth you never knew me, and in truth it’s just as well.” – Procol Harum
“Don’t ask me no questions, and I won’t tell you no lies.” – Lynyrd Skynyrd
“Rock and roll high school” sure isn’t discoursing on the joys of Regents exams and college prep.
OK with that established, it might seem that writing about the genre/monster/entertainment subject is down- and –out a waste of time. I think it is although that’s what I’m doing right now.
To be of any use to anybody is to understand and be able to present, in technicolor, what rock and roll looks like from the Hubble telescope. Sure, it’s not that big, but at the same time’ its HUGE. It’s a paradoxical state of being, that of rock and roller—on one hand, it disbands you to antiquity and highbrow eclecticism to diggin’ what everyone else “says is the next best thing since ____” and being called a sell-out corporate operative. Obviously writing about this, it, her, him makes it tougher to put any sort of credibility into the author’s carefully scribbled comments. Whence came authority?
This is what makes the whole scam beautiful, see. 1. The writer actually bothers to say what they think about the music/trend/etc. and is very willing to get drunk and argue till you’re or he/she’s blue in the face (given the amount of booze taken in of course).; 2. Since Johnny R. Critic inundates the page with blather, somethings got to give… typically it’s the critic who does… forsaking optimism for food and allocated funds for mailing. 3. If the press says “OK yer in, jimmy” you can almost celebrate. Where do you go from there? Somehow, people come up with standards with which to say “your last column for ATN(fer example) was a load of dung best thrown into a bottomless pit” or “Dude! Write more about Oasis man… you know so well whats really going on…” or best yet, and preferred, “Thank you for giving my eyes exercise.” That last one is the best because you can still write whatever else you have in the brainbox and not be fired for writing about Oasis.
So what do you write about? The astounding lack of conformity to Eric Clatpon is God that Eric seems to show in his 80’s years? Why everyone should start buying the 2nd album by the Who or avoid it like the next (or any) CD by Hanson? A history of underappreciated rock bands and why they’re like that, thus leading to the conclusion they could kick Radiohead’s angst ridden ass?
Yes.
Which is why I’m here. All of it makes sense if you already took a side on the issue of alternative/Portland/.1966-72 rock scenes. But then it doesn’t. Yer left drawing a map on the back of your hand which you know will be washed off and smudged beyond recognition when hitting upon a comely maiden at a rock n’ roll show. Hence the Tomb of the Unknown Rock Great that Everyone Hears About Long After He No Longer Makes Money on His Own Corpus.
Me, I like everything essentially that was made before 1981 and anything not made by BeeGees, Abba, etc.
I’m a conventional rock fogey at the age of 23 by liking …. Umm… Blue Oyster Cult an’ Hawkwind n’ Procol Harum n’ God knows what else. I could easily give you a blueprint of how points A thru Y brought me to my Z and still give you and argument proving Not Z, in logician’s terminaology.
Frustrating isn’t it? Which is exactly why its better to listen to what’s on your stereo at full blast and tick off the neighbors. It’s what taking a stand is all about.
