You’ve been waiting for it, and now it’s here: all the quotes fit to print from the fall 2000 term at Stuy. Well, the ones from my classes, anyway (and no, I don’t have Mechanick or Lostahl). So without further ado…

• “Now I’m going to give you a clue, which is basically the answer.”
• “Oh, let me tell you a sad story…”
• “Did I skip 50? That would be bad.”
• “I want you to list all possible A1N1N2A2s.”
• “…to confuse you, because that’s my goal.”
• “…aaaiiiiight?”
• “Girls are a success, boys are a failure”
• “If you make my life miserable, I have to make your life miserable.”
• “Let’s use this, which I’m not allowed to use...”
• “I want to get you feeling comfortable with a tree…let’s go do this comfortably on a tree”

• “Be a musical parasite. Latch onto it.”

• “I’m an equal-opportunity asshole.” –Ramin
• “Everyone in the Ku Klux Klan played Magic.” –Ramin
• “Champagne’s…like…the Gatorade of alcohol.” –Heather Haitoff-Cruz
• “I brought socks to school and pretended they were people. Then people put them on their hands and pretended to be them.” –Karen Hedlund
• “What’s that red stuff? Oh, that’s my hair.” –Karen
• “Sometimes stuff doesn’t get through…I have a lot of hair!” –Karen
• “Chris…tot me.” –Me
• “I’m eating his tots.” –Heather

• “ People will buy anything if the cover looks nice.”
• “Did you do any work on sex?”
• “Boys, don’t make me come over there and sit on you!”
• “Diuretic means PISSIN!”
• “’Scuse me, he’s talking and you’re hitting on my student!”

• “When you step into this room, you’re stepping into the 1950’s.”
• Burke: “I do have a picture of myself wearing a poodle skirt back in the ‘50s.”

  Matt Baer: “Can we see it?”

  Burke: “No.”

• “I’m a better Jew than most people…most Jewish people.” –Random girl in locker room
• “So if you set foot in a church is that like a holy sin?” –Same random girl in locker room

• “If one kid is named Johnathan, how many times will his teacher call him Josh?” –Johnathan Fishner, in response to Ms. Schweitzer getting his name wrong again.
• “I’m smart too! You want to see my report card?!” –Fishner
• “When I say stupid things…that could be Josh.” –Fishner
• “The South would be the…bottom of America.” –Fishner
• “I can’t wait to tell my grandma that.” –Fishner
• “It’s big trial and big error. It’s not like math.” –Fishner
• “…pardon anyone who would take a loaf of oilty.” –Ms. Schweitzer (said multiple times during the period)
• “It’s like the Pope’s hat on steroids.” –Fishner, on the KKK mask.
• “It’s like bargaining with, you know, street vendors.” –Andrew Thomas, on how the Radical Republicans tried to compromise during Reconstruction.
• Fishner: “we do rule the world…which is awesome.”

  Scweitzer: “I know it gets me up every morning.”

• Fishner: “If I were alive in 1850…pfft.”

  Schweitzer: “You’d be on the $5 bill.”

• “You know, ‘schweitzer’ means ‘nigger’ in Yiddish.” –Shari, in an IM
• “Why do I keep using words that aren’t words?” –Fishner
• “Recount that again.” –Lisa Chen
• “I’m not talking about today, Johnathan. This is a history class.” –Schweitzer
• Schweitzer (trying to draw a diagram): “Now I’m going to confuse myself…”

  Matt Baer: “You want to do a puppet show?”

• “I’m not trying to be funny yet!” –Fishner
• “What is the Rio Grand-ay?” –Fishner, on Steven Blau’s bad pronunciation.
• “That’s what makes Jackson so, like, likeable to like…I think he’s a jerk.” –Fishner
• “I choose denial.” –Lisa Chen
• “I’m going to divorce the senior class.” –Lisa Chen
• “Yeah, the Mexican War…I don’t know what the hell that is.”-Matt Baer

• “You want me to spank you?…Maybe I’ll spank her.”
• “Is she [Ms. Lorenzo] going to spank you? Ooh. Oh, I’m sorry if that’s offensive.”
• “You’re talking logic again, which has nothing to do with it.”

• “I was just watching the monkey.”
• “And the ghetto. That’s interesting.”
• Danaher: “If I had a rock band, I’d call it Pander and the Pirates.”

  Mike Theannoyingrussiankid: “Rock on Ms. Danaher.”

• “The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.” –Shakespeare, Love’s Labor Lost

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  Miscellaneous

• “Unnecessary and misguided attempt at humor.” –Ms. Yoon’s 1st comment on Roger’s Hamlet essay
• “Mentally ill because he’s an actor?” –Another of Ms. Yoon’s comments on Roger’s essay
• “You know you wanna know what I mean!” –Christian Gomez
• “Well that’s too bad! Coke tastes like Pepsi, and Barenaked Ladies sound like 3rd Eye Blind!” –Steven Page of Barenaked Ladies
• Me (after moving to the right to enter my brother’s room): “When I get scared I instinctively move towards the right.”

  Ted, my brother (wanting me to get the hell out of his room): “Then get scared towards the left!”

Seek refuge once again in The Treefort…