I found this at Cranial.com in the prank letter department. It's very, interesting... in its own special way.
September 14, 1998
Kmart Corporation
Floyd Hall, CEO
3100 W. Big Beaver Rd.
Troy, Michigan 48084-3163
Dear Mr. Hall,
I write today to share a story of retail and redemption. Many years ago a Kmart employee changed my life in an unforgettable moment. As a welfare kid living in Detroit — or was it Dearborn? — I often slipped candy into one of my socks as I pretended to tie a shoelace.
Well, sir, one day a Kmart cashier named Don — or Dan — pulled me aside. He said, “My brother, you belong no longer to evil, but to good. With that candy bar in your sock it is your soul that I am buying from you. I withdraw it from dark thoughts and from the spirit of perdition and I give it to God!” He handed me a worn copy of Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables and we wept.
Two weeks later I was stealing candy bars again. Eventually I fell in love with Hugo’s Javert — the merciless, by–the–book, God–fearing police inspector — and vowed to uphold the law and to focus particularly on helping the youth. Today I enjoy a successful career in law–enforcement thanks to the grace that Don, or Dan, showed to me.
Sure, occasionally I fire off a round into a petty thief’s fleshy backside. I do it for his own good and I think Javert would do the same. I holster my pistol and approach the suspect, armed only with a warm smile and a paperback copy of Les Miserables. Careful not to bloody the book, I place it by the suspect and say, “My brother, you belong no longer to evil, but to good. With this book it is your soul that I am buying from you. I withdraw it from dark thoughts and from the spirit of perdition and I give it to God!” These boys weep, much the way I did at Kmart in Detroit so long ago.
Due to some differences with the precinct I’ll soon be forced into an early retirement. Although I named my first two boys Don and Dan, I hope to use my retirement time to work closely with you in further honoring that Kmart employee who directly and indirectly impacted so many young lives.
I earnestly await your reply.
Will Hertes
Kmart Responds:
October 14, 1998
I received your letter dated September 14, 1998 expressing interest in working with the Kmart Corporation. Thank you for writing.
Your letter was very interesting to read, and I appreciate all you are doing in your life. However, I do not see a current role in which you can play for Kmart Corporation.
I will keep a copy of your correspondence on file for future reference. Should an opportunity present itself that is a good fit for both you and Kmart, I will not hestitate to contact you.
Thank you for your interest in the Kmart Corporation and best wishes for success.
Sincerely,
Jim Peterson
Executive Assistant to the Chairman
