100 Essential Observations I have Made About Life

"The longer the live, the more you look around and realize that something is fucked up." A great comedian named George Carlin once said this. After sixteen years on this Earth, I think that I would have to conclude the same. I decided one day to look around, and draw some very important, basic observations and insights about life. So, after a little while, a lot of thinking, a little bit of geometry, and a bag of potato chips, I got the 100 most important facts that one needs to know about life. You can thank me later.

1. Ice is cold.
2. Coca Cola tastes better than Pepsi.
3. 7 Up tastes bad.
4. A Rod sucks. So do the Rangers.
5. The Mets are good, but Mike Piazza...well...
6. Bill Clinton did not have sex with that woman. Wait, Bill Clinton did indeed have sexual relations with that woman.
7. George W. Bush can't pronounce the word "terror."
8. many species of creatures is gonna be die out.
9. blinking text is annoying.
10. All you need is love.
11. Golden Eye for n64 is the best video game ever.
12. Wayne Gretzgy 98 for n64 is second best.
13. "the Leprechaun" is the funniest movie, ever.
14. Lee Scratch Perry smokes the herb. Of course he does...but not as much as he used to.
15. The funnest thing to do to people when they are wearing sweatshirts is to pull the hood over their head and pull the drawstrings.
16. Dexter's Laboratory is the best TV show. On Cartoon Network.
17. The girl in "The Sorcerer's Stone" is hot.
18. Christina Aguilera looks different in every photo.
19. Eminem is white. VERY white. and Bubba Sparxxx...
20. Weird Al Yankovic is hilarious.
21. Kurt Cobain had issues. In fact, so did his wife, Courtney Love. Man I feel bad for their kid.
22. Drea is the coolest.
23. Elvis took care of business in a flash. He also choked on a sandwich and died.
24. Pig Pun was fat. He's dead too.
25. George Harrison was the best Beatle. Yup, you guess it-- he's dead.
26. Jimi Hendrix was drugged up. He died from taking sleeping pills.
27. John Lennon was the walrus. He was gunned down in 1980.
28. Joey Ramone wanted to be sedated. Guess he got his wish...
29. A lot of awesome people are dead.
30. Tupac is alive!
31. The sun rises in the East and sets in the West.
32. Silence of the Lambs was mad scary. Shut up, yes it was.
33. Rolling Stone is still a hot magazine, even if they give Britney Spears, and even the Backstreet Boys cover stories.
34. Gabe talks mad fast.
35. Movie prices are a rip off, sneaking in is the best alternative.
36. Christmas is mad fun, even if it's kind of childish.
37. Shinjo is the man
38. Warcraft II is the greatest computer game ever, especially muliplayer games. heh heh.
39. The Jet will happen. Oh yes.
40. Puff Daddy was better than P.Diddy.
41. Thom Yorke and his band freak me out man. They are good though. (Radiohead)
42. No one really cared about Bonds, while a few years ago everyone was obsessed with McGwire and Sosa.
43. The size of a girl's chest DOES NOT always reflect her intelligence.
44. Tie Domi kicks ass, literally
45. Napster sucks, what the heck. What a rip off.
46. Jared...haha
47. Rocket ship handshakes are awesome.
48. My website sucks. So does 80% of the internet.
49. I hate to be materialistic but...money is great to have.
50. Me Tarzan. You Jane.
51. Homework is bad.
52. Sometimes when you try to do stuff, it doesn't come out right. So you try a second time, and it doesn't come out right then either. Then you give up.
53. Lots of times, it's hard to talk in complete sentences.
54. Tetris is fun.
55. Does anyone actually like Creed?
56. Soccer is communist kickball.
57. More children are born each day than people die each day. uh oh..
58. Cadillacs are beautiful automobiles. So are Benzes.
59. Pound for pound, Third Eye Blind is one of the best bands out there. Even though they only have two albums, they are both amazing.
60. Sometimes, John is taller than me. Other times, I'm taller than him. What gives?
61. Mike is larger than average.
62. John and Daina talk like a bunch of flaming Germans.
63. Under the Bridge is one of the best songs.
64. Hockey kicks ass.
65. Tennis is harder than it looks.
66. "Don't bother going to class, cos nobody cares if you cut/And it's not fun to experiment with BenGay on your nuts"
67. "If you ask her out and she says maybe, what she really means is no way"
68. Every single male older than 12 would pork Britney Spears. No exceptions. Okay maybe 13.
69. Courtney Love is a bitch and a half
70. CDs rule.
71. The Beatles were probably the best band in history.
72. Most kids would be three times as happy as they are now if school was half as fun as it appears on TV.
73. Every kid deserves to have at least one fairly large and nice stereo system. Almost every kid.
74. Mondays and Sunday nights suck.
75. If Curious George was a person, he probably wouldn't have any friends.
76. Greedo shoots first!
77. The Big Lebowski is the only movie that gets funnier each time you watch it, instead of less funny each time.
78. Ferris Bueller's Day Off is the best movie though.
79. Roadrunner is infinitely better than dial-up.
80. Funniest words: Fruitloop, Botarded, Cocksmoker. Put it all together: botarded cocksmoking fruitloop! Maybe it's not that funny..
81. Legos were the best toys ever.
82. This list is so stupid.
83. 85% of the people that suck think that they don't.
84. 15% of the people that suck know they do and try to use it to get attention.
85. I would guess that about 75% of the subscribers of "Girl's Life" are not female.
86. Only a few people would notice if Old Navy took Gap's clothes, finger painted on them, marked them down about half price, and stuck 'em on the shelves.
87. My vision gets a little worse every time I walk into Old Navy.
88. Old Navy wouldn't lose much money if they switched their name to "White Girl Jeans Company"
89. American Eagle wouldn't lose much money if they switched their name to "White Girl Jeans Company"
90. The coolest things in American Eagle are those fake fires.
91. Gary Condit is hiding something.
92. If the glove does not fit, you must acquit.
93. If N*SYNC were girls, no one except girls would notice.
94. You gotta fight for your right to party.
95. Twinkies...mmmmmm....
96. 0% of the Bush family have been effective in office.
97. There are seven questions that you should never ask. What are they? That's one of them.
98. Ringo Starr doesn't smoke it anymore. Suuuuure he doesn't...
99. AC/DC rocked hard. They sucked ass even harder.
100. No one fights for the legalization of Marijuana anymore because even if it was legal, it wouldn't make a difference.
101. I can't count.
102. When you break it down to the brass tacks, life is relatively simple. Peace out everyone, drive safetly.

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