You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Your job keeps interfering with your drinking.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
You sincerely believe alcohol is the elusive 5th food group.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case -- coincidence? I think not!
Two hands and just one mouth -- now that's a drinking problem!
You can focus better with one eye closed.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
You fall off the floor...
Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
Hey, 5 beers have just as many calories as one burger, screw dinner!
Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
At A.A. meetings, you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
"That damned pink elephant followed me home again..."
You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, and you fell asleep fully clothed... Hmmm...
The whole bar says "Hi!" when you come in.
You think the Four Basic Food Groups are caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, and women/men.
Every night, you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.
Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads as they walk past you.
"I'm as jober as a sudge."
The shrubbery is drunk from too frequent watering.
You wake up screaming "Toro toro toro!" in the middle of the night.
"I'm not as thunk as you drink I am!"
