It has been 7 months since my mother died and went to be with my father who died 11 months ago. I full intended to write this progess note months ago, but I have been deeply distracted and almost paralyzed by my grief.

During these last few months I have isolated myself, finding it very difficult to be a good friend or family member. I haven't cried much, although the slightest thing could start the tears. I have tried not to think about my mother much; it has been just too painful. Both my daughter and I have had dreams about my parents in which they came to us to reassure us of their safety and happiness! This has been comforting to me!

My sister and I have talked on the phone about our thoughts and feelings and this has helped tremendously. She and I were their only children and we share a common history and awareness of this family. I am so thankful that I have a sister to talk with. Only SHE can relate to my pain of losing THESE parents! Others have had losses, but we shared these two people as no one else did!

My children were very close to their grandparents and have suffered the loss too. This has been very difficult for them. "Granny" and "Grampa" were always stable influences in their lives too, and the kids (now 23 and 24) had a very special bond with them. I am greatful they had their grandparents until they were adults, as I never knew mine.

These days I can speak more freely about Mom and Dad without breaking down and I don't avoid the conversations quite as much. I continue to cry easily but I believe the depression has lifted somewhat. Knowing my parents are together, happy and proud of us, makes me smile! I loved and love them so much! Many times I wish I could pick up the phone and call for advise, comfort and just a pleasant chat!

My children say that I am at "the top of the food chain" now, meaning that when advise, comfort or a friendly chat is needed, they must come to me. I guess they are right! I never wanted the position and really didn't want to "grow up" this way. I have learned and am learning about myself and our surviving family members, most of which I like very much! My sister and I are communicating more, and perhaps my chldren see me differently. I think this is a very good thing!

If I could tell my parents one thing, if they could hear me (and maybe they do) that would be "THANK-YOU for loving me, nurturing me and helping me to learn to fend for myself." They tried to always teach me to "fish" instead of just giving me "fish" Now its my job to PASS IT ON !!

I miss you guys, and I love you!!
Love, your youngest daughter