Your Friends and Memories
If it hadn’t happened the way it did, Seth Goddard wouldn’t have had the encounter of a lifetime. But the encounter had happened, and on those last days, Seth Goddard didn’t have any memories of the initial incident. The day was out of his mind, and no one had to know about it.
Of course, except for Harlan Band.
“Commander, eventually you have to say something!” begged Harlan. “What has been bothering you so much? And why won’t you say something about it? As someone who cares for your safety, I need to know of what happens!” Harlan was supposed to be at the helm practicing, but instead wanted new gossip.
“As someone who cares?” retorted the commander.
“Fine. So maybe I just care more about what’s new in the gossip grapevines. So maybe I care about rubbing it in your face. But you HAVE to tell me!”
Thelma arrived to run a diagnosis on something. She went over to the engineering console. “Telling secrets is something completely wrong. Remember what happened to Rosie that one time? Actually, I don’t even remember what happened.” She leaned on the console. “All set here.” Thelma left the console and headed out.
Suzee raced over to her console and realized that everything was fine. “Harlan,” she said coyly, “back off. You know what can happen when secrets are unintentionally shared.”
“She has a point,” said the commander. “That is why I decided that I’m not going to say a word about my life that has nothing to do with the Stardogs or this predicament we’re stuck in.”
Rosie looked at her flashing console. “Commander, someone’s in the airlock! They say that they want immediate access to our provisions and your attention, whatever that means.”
Bova looked up. “It’s probably just someone who wants everything we have and then will act like our best friend until they throw us on some remote planet saying, ‘with these friends, I could have the world!’”
“Fine. Someone notify Ms. Davenport and Rosie, open a communications link.”
Ms. Davenport didn’t need notification. She fell out of a jump tube straight from the airlock. “The visitor’s pounding down the door. Someone do something fast.”
Rosie opened a link. “Identify yourself, please.” Even in dire situations, Rosie never forgot to be polite.
“My name is Evian Corrigan, and I wish to board your ship so I can see my boyfriend again. Hey, Goofy Goddard, come here!”
“Goofy Goddard?” asked Harlan. He started laughing so hard that Rosie thought he was convulsing.
“Shut up, Harlan,” said Suzee and Adrianne. After the blonding incident, the two girls had become somewhat closer. They both thought Harlan had too much of an ego, and that was enough for both of them.
“Um, hello here. Don’t I get some attention here?” said Evian’s mechanical voice. “Oh, and Seth, later we can seal our promise to each other forty years ago?”
Commander Goddard had too much from that and had collapsed to the ground.
“That’s odd,” said Ms. Davenport. “Usually I’m the one who collapses under pressure.”
Harlan took initiative. “I’ll go let the visitor in. Stay put, everyone.”
“Not a chance,” said Suzee. “I’m going with you.” She set the jump tubes and disappeared. Harlan raced after her, eager to see who Evian was and what had happened with the commander that was so bad that it had caused him to collapse.
A few minutes later, Harlan and Suzee returned. They had brought the elusive Evian with them. She was 45 ESY, like the commander, but looked about 20 years old. She had long blond hair and blue eyes, and stood about 5’7 tall. She had the look of a bleached blond cheerleader, and possessed the secret that had been tormenting the commander so much.
Evian raced over to the commander. “Seth Goddard, could that possibly be you?” she said. “What happened? Why so glum? We never really broke up, you know. In fact, we’re still-”
“Evian Corrigan. How did you get out here? And, could we talk about this later?” Goddard looked embarrassed.
Evian looked hurt. “Well, fine, I guess. I wanted to see you again, so I found out through Admiral Cody where you were. Now I have devoted my life to finding you. And now I did! We can be together for the rest of our lives.”
“I got a question,” said Harlan. “Why do you look 20 years younger than the commander?”
“Infomercials,” said Evian. “Peel Your Way to Beauty was a piece of brilliance! And that Abflex-pure genius, I say! And I can’t forget those Accents!”
“Oh, yes you can,” said Ms. Davenport. She knew all too well what those Accents were. She’d seen that particular infomercial too many times while a student. She knew that those Accents didn’t make her any bigger. And she also knew that they weren’t worth the three easy payments of $49.95.
“So, I need a certain someone to help me fulfill the prophecy that my boyfriend and I made 40 years ago. Can we do that now?” asked Evian. She didn’t realize that the alleged prophecy she had made with the commander would destroy his dignity.
Commander Goddard realized that he needed to act fast so not to ensure total humiliation. “Evian, I say we worry about this tomorrow. Catch up on your sleep. Stay in the girls’ bunkroom. And don’t disturb me for another couple of centuries.”
With that, Goddard stalked out of the command post. Unknown to everyone, except Radu, who could easily hear all his actions, Goddard went to the galley and began drowning his sorrows in screwdrivers. Radu became worried that the commander would go crazy and went to end the screwdrivers.
“Commander, that concoction smells like overcooked Narf intestines! How can you drink that?”
“Its an acquired taste I got after Evian-wait, no, I shouldn’t say anything. If Harlan finds out I’ll never hear the end of it.”
“Why do you care what Harlan thinks?”
‘Because I’m sitting here, trying to forget about our ‘guest’, and drowning my sorrows in screwdrivers.”
Radu planted his feet on the floor. Not a hard task, considering. “I’m not leaving until you tell me what the deal with Evian is. And remember, if you start talking to yourself, I’ll be able to hear every word. Start confessing.”
Goddard realized that there was no way out of that situation, and that Radu usually had the good sense not to tell a secret. “When I was five years old, my best friend was Evian Corrigan. She lived down the street. She was the tomboyish type, her sister, Spring, was the dumb cheerleader type. Evian was jealous of the attention Spring got, so she insisted that she hire me to be her boyfriend for two weeks. It worked. Spring was so jealous, she hid in a closet for months. She and Spring traded personalities. When she came out, Evian discovered that she had become disillusioned with life and Evian picked that time for revenge to its fullest. She made me stand up in front of everyone, and, oh I can’t.”
“Say it,” persuaded Radu. “Say it.”
“Fine. She made me say that we’d get married and name our thirteen children after brands of yogurt.”
Radu was stunned. “Is that all? That can’t be that embarrassing.” The look on the Commander’s face told Radu it was.
Commander Goddard had no intentions of releasing that painful story. Especially after the painful story worked its way into this sector of the galaxy. Goddard figured that no one else could find out.
Of course, he forgot about Evian.
Evian was in the girls’ bunkroom, applying a facial mask. The contents of the mask started dripping on Rosie’s head. It automatically melted upon contact, so Rosie was oblivious to the green avocado-substitute gunk.
Suzee and Adrianne weren’t as oblivious. The gunk was in their hair, so they ran into the bathroom and quickly washed it out. When they came back, Evian was fiddling with her chest and quickly stuffing a box under her pillow.
“What are you hiding, Evian?” asked a naïve Rosie.
“Oh, uh, these? Those were the, um, accents.” Evian was flustered over the discovery of her best-kept secret, so she changed the subject. “So, wanna hear a story about the commander?” she said conspiratorially.
Rosie looked doubtful, but the others wanted to hear the story, so Evian proceeded to tell the humiliating tale. After mentioning the names of the first two children, which were to be Yoplait and Yops, Suzee was convulsing, Adrianne was giggling, and Rosie still didn’t get it.
Later that night, sounds kept the three girls awake. Evian’s snoring was loud enough to be heard in a rock concert seven light years away in Draco County, right on by the constellation of the same name.
“Shut her up,” said Suzee to Adrianne. “Can’t you do a quiet spell on her?”
“No. I have no real power after 22 hours. But you can project yourself into her and send her sleepwalking.”
Suzee did that, and Evian ended up in a hallway outside the boys’ bunkroom. “Let her be their problem instead,” she said triumphantly.
In the morning, Evian awoke and sneaked back into the girls’ bunkroom. She dragged out a set of pom-poms and started cheerleading. The cheering promptly woke up Suzee and Adrianne, who threw pillows at Evian while screaming, “Fight the real enemy!”
Rosie woke up, startling Evian. Rosie started singing ‘happy Mercurian morning songs’ and her singing was less than exemplemary. Evian promptly stopped with the cheerleading, and everyone went to the galley for breakfast.
Evian stayed behind, and promptly adjusted her best-kept secret. While fixing herself, Thelma entered and asked what Evian was doing. Evian flushed and sent Thelma out, and quickly raced to the galley.
Goddard didn’t seem quite himself at breakfast, and Radu noticed. Radu wondered how Evian had acted, and soon figured it out when Suzee and Adrianne entered and neither of them could stop laughing. Radu knew that Evian had told them, and there was nothing he could do about it.
Evian bounced in, and Goddard cringed. The girls were looking in his direction and laughing hysterically. Goddard had an idea as to what they were laughing about. He hoped he was wrong.
“You know,” said Suzee, “I could really go for some YOGURT.”
Goddard turned sharply in her direction. Suzee was laughing hysterically, which prompted a fit of giggles from Adrianne. As usual, Rosie still didn’t get it.
When Evian started pouring yogurt for her breakfast and made a big show of slurping it, Goddard snapped. He grabbed a protesting Evian by the ear and led her out of the galley.
“That’s it. You have to leave. Now. I don’t want any arguing.”
Evian was suddenly depressed. “Why now? What have I done?”
“You humiliated me, drudged up memories, and could have possibly destroyed my reputation. Now do I have to activate the teleportation device or are you mature enough to handle it?”
“I’ll never forget you, sweets. I’ll name my 14 children after brands of yogurt and YOU!” Evian pressed the device on her wrist and slowly faded from view.
For a minute, Goddard looked almost regretful. Then he sucked it up and re-entered the galley, claiming he had finally moved on from his favorite mistake. Most believed him, but thought he was looking for an easy way out.
Rosie still didn’t get it.