WARNING: This contains the kind of stuff you would actually see on Springer. It's not that it's bad, but maybe you don't like that kind of stuff. Also, everyone in this fic is completely out of character and i just did it for fun. I'm not instulting any characters. Well, enjoy!!
Jerry: Today on Springer, Sexy Secrets are revealed! Let’s Bring out our first guest, Lina Inverse!
Lina: *walks onto the stage and sits down* Hi Jerry!
Jerry: Now Lina, you’ve been going out with your boyfriend, Gourry, for 7 months. But you have a sexy secret to reveal to him. What is that secret?
Lina: Well, I’ve just been using Gourry to get his sword of Light. For the past 5 months, I’ve been cheating on him with Zangulus!
Audience: Ohhhhhh..
Jerry: Well, let’s welcome Zangulus to the show!
Zangulus: *Walks out dressed like a street pimp and kisses Lina, then sits down next to her* Hey, baby.
Lina: Hey.
Jerry: But Zangulus, you have something to say to Lina that you never told her! What is that?
Zangulus: I’m really married to Martina!
Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Lina: How could you?!
Jerry: Let’s meet Martina!
Martina: *The audience cheers as Martina enters and sits on Zangulus’ lap* Hey, Jerry!
Zangulus: Martina, I have something to say to you..
Martina: What is it, dear? *smothers him with kisses*
Zangulus: I’ve been secretly sleeping with Lina.
Martina: Huh? That’s it! I’m putting the curse of Zoamelgustar on you!
Zangulus: Oh, stop with the (bleep)ing Zomelgustar thing! I’ve always hated that!!!
Martina: WHAT?!? You (bleep)ing sonofa (bleeeeeep!)!! *punches Zangulus, then pulls the chair out from under him and begins to attack*
Audience: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
Lina: Well, (bleep) them! I’m staying with my baby, Gourry!
Fat woman in the back of the audience: You go girl!
Jerry: Well, Lina, your baby has something to say to you! Let’s bring out Gourry!
Gourry: *Walks out in a frilly pink dress, holding the sword of light* Hi, Lina! *sits down next to her*
Audience: *cheering* Jerry! Jerry!
Lina: Gourry! You (bleeeping bleeep bleeeep bleeeeeeeeeep!!!!!) How the (bleep) could you?!?!?!
Gourry: I enjoy this! And it makes me feel pretty! * he begins to dance and shake his butt in front of the audience* Yeah! I’m sexy!!!
Audience: *Cheers as Gourry begins to sing*
Gourry: *Singing and Dancing* I feel pretty, Oh so pretty!
Lina: (Bleep!) Gourry! If you’re gonna do that, at least give me the Sword of Light!
Gourry: Oh, this? It’s not really the Sword of Light. It’s a lightsaber from Toys R Us! *Takes the batteries out from the bottom of the sword and it stops glowing* See?
Lina: (BLEEEPING BLEEP BLEEP BLEEEEEP!?!?!) * she lunges at Gourry and begins attacking him* And, (bleep) you, Martina! * Lina attacks her as well*
Audience: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
Jerry: Everyone! Calm down! *five minutes pass and Martina, Zangulus, Gourry and Lina finally stop attacking each other* We have another guest! Please welcome Amelia!
Amelia: *Skips onto the stage: Hello Jerry!
Jerry: Amelia, what do you have to say?
Amelia: Well, first of all, I’d like to bring out my boyfriend, Mister Zelgadiss!
Zel: *walks onto the stage, looking both confused and annoyed, and sits down as far away from Amelia as possible* What the (bleep) am I doing here?
Jerry: Well, Zel, Amelia has been hiding a sexy secret from you!
Zel: I couldn’t care less! I’m not her boyfriend! I can’t stand her!
Audience: Ohhhhhhh...
Amelia: Mister Zelgadiss, don’t try to hide your feelings about me! You know you love me!
Zel: No, I don’t!
Jerry: Well, Amelia, there’s something you haven’t told Zel. What is it?
Amelia: I’ve been having a secret affair with Xellos!
Xellos: *he appears on stage* Greetings! *is smiling*
Jerry: Now, Xellos, what do you have to say?
Xellos: Why, that is a secret!
Zel: Would you just stop with the (bleep)ing secrets!?!?!
Xellos: Well.... no!
Rezo: *walks on to the stage* I can tell you Xellos’ secret!
Zel: I thought you were dead!
Audience: Ohhhhh....
Rezo: Yeah, well, I’m not. Deal with it.
Zel: *shoots a fireball at Rezo* You piece of (bleep)!!
Rezo: *Easily deflects the attack* Well, Amelia, my secret is that I, Rezo, have been having an affair with Xellos! *kisses Xel*
Zel: You sick little (bleeeep!)
Xellos: *he giggles*
Rezo: But I have another secret I’ve been keeping from all of you! I met this stripper in the bar, and since then, we’ve been going together behind Xellos’ back!!!
Xellos: *he looks sincerely surprised* WHAT?!
Jerry: Let’s meet that stripper, Nahga!
Nahga: *walks out, wearing no top and a see-through skirt with no underwear* OHHHH ho ho ho ho! Hey, Jerry! Hey, Rezo!
Zel: *covers his eyes* This is so (bleep)ed up!
Lina: *has been sitting silently the whole time, finally stands up* Xellos! I thought I was your girl!!!
Xellos: *he laughs nervously* Well, you WERE....
Gourry: Lina!! You mean you’ve been cheating on me with Xellos, too?!?! That is just, like, so totally like you!
Amelia: Gourry!!! You’re going out with Lina?!?! I thought you were mine!!
Jerry: Looks like there’s more to this then we expected..
Audience: Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!!
Rezo: Hush, my Children! You all know that each of you have been with ME at least once!!
Audience: JERRY, JERRY!!!
Jerry: Well, lets take some comments from the audience. How about you, sir? *atall man stands up*
Tall man: For an old guy, Rezo really gets around!
Audience: *cheers*
Tall man: And, I’d like to get together with that Jerry: But that’s really a man!
Tall man: Exactly!
Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Jerry: And let’s see what the fat lady in the back has to say!
Fat Lady: Girlfriend, you need to lose that Zero and get yourself a hero!
Jerry: Um, who are you talking to?
Fat Lady: *she looks confused* Uh, YEA! *sits down*
Audience: *cheers* SPRINGER! SPRINGER!! SPRINGER!!!
Jerry: And now, for my final thought: Don’t sleep with any of these people!! *starts laughing* AH hahahaha! I crack myself up!
Lina: That’s it! DRAGON SLAAAAAAAVE! *the show ends as the whole studio explodes*
....Wow. That was really scary. Like, probably the scariest thing I've ever written. Seriously! You probably want to get away from here, so click on the main page button to go home..
Slayers Meet Springer #1: Sexy Secrets Revealed!
I figure if I ever get around to writing more fanfiction, I'll make an index for them.. but for now, this one page will do. All I have is Slayers Meet Springer #1.. It's a completely stupid and pointless and useless fic I wrote, but people tell me it's funny, so here it is. It's sort of weird, though.
sexy thing in the pink dress!
