Disclaimer: I don’t own anything pokemon related, but I do own all of Reawor! It’s more gotta survive it all excitement than you can shake a stick at!

Rating: PG-13

Other: This one started to make my head hurt…remember, boys and girls, Saturday morning cartoons can be fun, but never trust any famous people you see at the mall. They’re really just underpaid, bitter old men in padded suits. So if you ever see a 6 foot Pikachu waddling towards you, stumpy little arms held open, kick it til it’s dead, while screaming, “Die, you costumed imposter!” Sailor Zelda says!

"Misty! Brock! Get up! We have to go to the mall!" Ash called to his friends, shaking them roughly.

"What time is it?" asked Misty.

"9 in the morning."

"Are you insane?" screamed Brock and Misty.

"It's Saturday," said Misty, rolling back over.

"When you're older, you'll realize that Saturday mornings are for sleeping in..."

Ash sighed. "But my favorite Reawor characters are going to be at the mall!" he whined.

"Ash, it's just hot, disgruntled minimum wage actors in suits," said Misty. "After all, it's just a cartoon."

Meanwhile..."Jesse! James! Get up! We have to go to the mall!" shouted Meowth, jumping up and down on his teammates.

"What time is it?" asked Jesse, swatting at him.

"9."

"You'd better mean at night," muttered James.

"Nope!" Meowth said cheerfully. "Come on! We have to go to the mall!"

"The mall will be open later," said Jesse. "Now shut up so we can get some sleep!"

"Why on earth would you want to go to the mall?" asked James. He stood up and squinted at the TV. "And what are you watching?"

"Reawor. And dey're coming to da mall!" Meowth cheered.

"So you want to meet your favorite cartoon characters?" asked Jesse, pulling her blanket over her head.

"No...I want to steal da pokemon from all da bright eyed little children who'll be dere."

Jesse and James looked at each other. "I call the shower!" he said, starting to run.

"No you don't!" snapped Jesse, tackling him.

While his teammates fought each other, Meowth sat back down in front of the TV. "I love dis show," he said, sighing happily.

Ash was watching, completely enthralled, as Team Mafia worked on their plan. "We'll dress up as Adam's assistant manager," said Jane. "Then we'll finally be able to kill him, just like the godfather wants!"

"How come you always get to be on top?" whined Jeremy as Jane hopped up on his shoulders.

"How come you always have to complain so much?" snapped Jane, attempting to break his neck with her thighs.

"Oh, yeah, Ash, this is love," Misty said from the doorway.

"I don't let my close friends sit on my shoulders," said Ash, pulling down his lower eyelid at her.

"Aaahh! Meowth, help me!" screamed James as Jesse grabbed him by the hair and dragged him to the ground. Meowth turned up the volume. "I say we capture Pikachu for ourselves and give Meowth to the boss," he said to Jesse. He started tickling her.

"James, quit it!" Jesse said, laughing. "Hmm...that's actually not a bad idea." She let go of James' hair and started tickling him back.

Meowth looked over his shoulder. "Da most visible members of Team Rocket, an organization known for its evil and merciless deeds," he said. "We're going to need a lot of PR help if anyone else sees dis." He walked over to them. "Here's da deal," he said. "Neither one of you showers, and you take me to the mall."

Jesse and James paused their tickling fight. "We could both shower at the same time," suggested Jesse.

"Last time you hogged all the hot water!" said James. Jesse whacked him with a fan.

"Last time?" asked Meowth. "Dat's it, nobody showers!"

"But my hair!" Jesse and James whined.

"You're going to be in disguise anyway..."

Jesse and James looked at the TV where Team Mafia was still bickering over who had to carry who. "You have to be joking," said Jesse.

"I call Jane," said James.

"What? I'm going to be Jane!" snapped Jesse. "There's no way I'm being the other one..."

Meowth fury swiped them. "Don't insult Jeremy!" he snapped. "Jane's a stupid, abusive, loud mouthed..." Meowth thought for a moment. "Jesse gets to be Jane."

"Hey!" snapped Jesse, stomping on him.

"Is Jane the blonde?" asked James. Meowth nodded. "But I don't want to be the redhead!" Jesse glared at him. "I meant normal red. Ow!"

"Look, today is a gender appropriate costume day," said Meowth. "James is going to be Jeremy and Jesse is going to be Jane."

James pouted. "But I don't want to be the whiney fem-boy!"

"Too late," muttered Jesse.

"Dat's a stretch," muttered Meowth.

Ash had managed to drag his friends out of bed and in the mall direction. "This is going to be so cool!" he squealed.

"Jane and Megan are pretty sexy for cartoons," said Brock, sighing happily.

Misty shook her head. "At least this stupid thing will be over soon..." she muttered.

"What?" asked Ash, looking both stunned and hurt.

"Ash, three episodes ago Adam got his car. Now he's in college...eventually he's going to end up in a nursing home or Team Mafia'll finally kill him!"

"I hope they do," said Ash. "That moron Adam is the only thing standing between them and success, both personal and career wise!" Misty and Brock rolled their eyes. "Since the show focuses on Adam, Jane and Jeremy can never reach their full romantic potential because--"

"Because Jeremy's gay," said Misty and Brock.

"He is not! Look, remember that episode where Jeremy could only receive his inheritence if they bumped off his brother and he married his brother's fiancee?"

"No."

"Well, there was an episode like that, and Jeremy goes back to Jane, alone, still having only the money they made from traficking illegal arms and drugs, and..."

"And they obviously cut out the romantic part when they translated it," Misty said sarcastically.

"Yes! Jane says this crap about how 'they may not have killed anyone but at least they have their drug money' when I know that in the original it had to have been something better," Ash said, sighing.

"Yeah, Ash, over in whereever they make that crap Jane says to her gay partner, 'Well, today's shot to hell. Let's have wild primeape sex.' Sure."

"It could've happened!"

"What are you going to be?" asked Jesse.

"I'm Fido, Jeremy and Jane's talking dog," said Meowth.

"They have a talking dog?" asked Jesse.

"How did it learn to talk?" asked James.

"I don't know! It just talks!" He pulled out a tape. "Here, we're going to watch an old episode so you can get the gist of it." His teammates groaned. "Just the Team Mafia parts! You have to at least learn the Team Mafia oath!"

"We have to learn something?" whined James.

"Can't we just fake it?" asked Jesse.

"Team Mafia always says the Team Mafia oath! Now be quiet and watch."

At the mall, Ash ran to the stage where Adam and his collectable friends would be appearing, Pikachu on his shoulder, and plopped down in a center seat on the front row. "Ash, this junk starts at noon," said Misty.

"Uh-huh," said Ash, looking straight ahead. "I want a good seat!"

Misty and Brock exchanged a glance. "We're going back to bed," said Misty. "See you in two and a half hours."

"Jeremy, if that wretched Adam kid doesn't sleep with the fishes tonight, the Godfather will make sure we do!"

"Good," said Jesse and James.

"Shhh! You're supposed to be learning, not talking!" snapped Meowth.

"How come Team Mafia never gets any older?" asked Jesse. "They've been chasing this Adam brat since he was 10, and they haven't aged a bit!"

"And how long does it take to kill someone?" asked James. "Can't these two idiots aim a gun?"

"Not with dis town's censorship policy," said Meowth. "Dey wouldn't even dub da episode where Jeremy and Jane follow Adam to his college interview and shoot all the people dere."

"But they of course miss Adam," said Jesse.

"Of course."

Jesse and James sighed, then leaned against each other. "Think he'll notice if we take a quick nap?" mumbled Jesse.

"Who cares?" asked James. "The worst he can do is make one of us be the dog."

"Where's Ash?" asked Ash's mom as Misty and Brock reentered the house.

"He's at the mall," said Misty.

"We're going to meet him later," added Brock.

"Kiss her, you moron!" Meowth screamed at the TV. Jesse and James were both startled out of a deep sleep and, now without each other's shoulder to lean against, fell on top of each other. Meowth looked back after hearing the "thump" this caused. "Are you paying attention?"

"Yes," said Jesse, sitting up.

"Of course," said James.

"What just happened?" Meowth asked.

"They...didn't kill Adam and..." Jesse looked at James.

"They ditched the talking dog and..." James looked back at Jesse.

"You don't have any clue," snapped Meowth. He sighed. "Let's just get to the mall."

Backstage, "Adam" was shaving. He was in his late forties and starting to think that his acting career was going nowhere. "You done this before?" he asked Jesse, James, and Meowth who were in the costumes they'd stolen from the original "actors."

"Not really," said Jesse.

"Just don't scare the kids too much," said "Adam." "At the last mall, Team Mafia really freaked them out."

"Be evil, but loveable evil!" said the producer.

"Loveable evil?" asked Jesse and James.

Ash was still sitting excitedly, waiting for the people in costumes to come out. Pikachu, however, was starting to get bored, as were many of the squirming children there. Finally "Adam" came out, causing the audience members who weren't parents to cheer. "Hi, kids," he said. "Sorry, but Adam's a bit hungover today. You see, I finally made it out of High School Town, and now I'm in College Town, where I drink like a fish and experiment with drugs and sex!" He laughed. "My girlfriend Megan isn't too happy about that..."

"Megan" appeared. "Adam, when are you going to grow up?" she asked. "If you're not careful, you'll flunk out, and then how'll you escape Team Mafia?"

"Uh, oh, I think I hear Team Mafia now!" said "Adam." "I hope they're not trying to kill me!"

Jesse, James, and Meowth appeared, dressed like their assigned Team Mafia characters. "What now?" Jesse whispered to Meowth.

"Say the oath!" Meowth hissed back. "Jeremy starts it."

Jesse and James exchanged a panicked glance. "To...infect the world with devastation," said James.

"To sell 'insurance' to everyone within our nation," said Jesse.

"To denounce the evils of...truth..and love,"

"To...extend our reach to the stars above,"

"Jeremy,"

"Jane?" Jesse half asked, looking at Meowth, who nodded.

"Team Mafia...blast off at the speed of light,"

"Surrender now or prepare to fight!"

"That's not the Team Mafia oath!" shouted Ash.

"We got a new one," said Jesse.

"To go with our new powers!" added James.

"What new powers?" asked the child sitting next to Ash.

"You suck!" called another child.

"We have...magic rings," said Jesse.

"And when splashed with cold water, I turn into a girl!" added James.

"What do the rings do?" asked Ash.

"They give us magical...Mafia control over the elements," said Jesse.

"And when we combine our powers, we can transform into..things," said James. "Or summon Captain Mafia."

"Can you do it now?" asked a small child.

"No!" the producer hissed from backstage. "We can't afford it! And it isn't in the script."

"Which would you rather see?" Jesse asked. "Captain Mafia, or us turn into things?"

"Transform!" the children shouted.

Jesse and James looked at each other. "I hate kids," muttered Jesse.

"At least they let us finish the oath," said James.

"True."

Ash stood on his chair. "Come on, Jeremy and Jane! You can do it!" he shouted.

Team Rocket stared at him. "Dis is getting weird," said Meowth.

"Getting?" asked Jesse and James.

"We might as well do it," said Jesse.

"It is the perfect opportunity," added James.

"Mafia team powers, activate!" they shouted, pressing their knuckles together.

"To protect the world from devastation!" shouted Jesse.

"To unite all peoples within our nation!" shouted James.

"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"

"To extend our reach to the stars above!"

"Form of...Jesse!"

"Form of...James!" They both ripped off their Team Mafia costumes.

"Hey, you're not Jeremy and Jane!" shouted Ash.

"Meowth, he's right!" said Meowth, tearing off his costume. "Now, hand over your pokemon!"

"Meowth, most of these kids are under eight," said James.

"Which means they don't have any pokemon!" snapped Jesse, kicking him.

"I can't believe you woke us up!"

"We could've slept in!"

Ash jumped onto the stage with Pikachu. "Well, I've got pokemon and I'm not afraid to fight you!" he said.

Meanwhile, "Adam" and "Megan" crept offstage. "Let's head over to the Food Court and wait for things to calm down," suggested "Adam".

"I think those two are the worst Jeremy and Jane I've ever seen," said "Megan."

While mothers started dragging their offspring away, Ash turned his hat backwards. "Squirtle, I choose you!"

Meowth found Jesse and James' pokeballs thrust into his hands. "What's dis?" he asked.

"Our pokemon," said James. "We're leaving."

"If anything happens to them, I'll beat you senseless!" added Jesse and she and James hopped off the stage and headed for the door.

"Looks like Team Rocket's going back to bed!" they said, grinning.

"Lazy bastards," muttered Meowth. "Go, Weezing and Arbok!" he shouted, tossing the pokeballs.

"Charrbok!"

"Wee-zing..."

"Weezing, smoke screen!" shouted Meowth. "Arbok, bind!"

His teammates' pokemon turned to glare at him. "Chharrbok!" snapped Arbok.("You're not my master!")

"Deal with it," said Meowth. "Dey left me in charge."

"Wee zing," snapped Weezing.

"Do you kiss your mother with dat mouth?"

"Charrbok-aaahh?"("What did I tell you about acting like you're my master?") Arbok started to slither menacingly towards Meowth.

"Weezing..."("I'm going window shopping.")

"No, you're not!" snapped Meowth. "You're going to stay here and battle!"

"Weeee-ziing."("Battle your damn self.")

"Bok!"("You're a pokemon!")

"Look, I was left in charge and--" He dodged Arbok's fangs before continuing. "and dat makes me your substitute trainer!"

Weezing hovered over to Squirtle. "Weezing?" he asked.("Want to come with me?")

Squirtle shook its head. "Squirtle squirt."("My master probably won't let me.")

"Kaa!" squealed Pikachu. ("Sure!") He scampered and Weezing hovered off into the mall.

"Pikachu!" said Ash. "Oh well, we can still win, right, Squirtle?"

"Squirtle!" ("Right!")

Arbok was circling Meowth. "You touch me and I'll fury swipe you," said Meowth.

"Charrrbok," Arbok said smugly.("Jesse'll kick your ass.") "Charrrbok-a." ("She loves me more.")

"Who cares?"

"Chhaaaarrbok."("She loves me more than your trainer loves you.")

"Dat's it! Fury swipes!"

"Chaaarbok!"

Ash winced in sympathy pain as Arbok dodged Meowth's attack, tripped him, and then started squeezing the life out of him. "Uh...you'd better not attack just yet, Squirtle."

"Do you think we should've left our pokemon with Meowth?" asked James as they both crawled back into their beds.

"I think they'll be okay," said Jesse.

"I was worried about Meowth..."

Jesse thought about it for a moment. "Hmmm...you're right. Meowth fights like a level five chansey..." They looked at each other. "But Arbok's so sweet...I'm sure Meowth is fine."

"It can at least wait another hour," said James.

"Should we set the alarm?" asked Jesse as her partner pulled a blanket over his head.

"We have an alarm?"

"She didn't even name you!" snapped Meowth, still being strangled.

Arbok's coils tightened. "Chaarr!" ("You don't have a name either!")

"Uhh...Meowth, maybe you should try being nice to Arbok," said Ash, taking a cautious step towards them. "It has feelings too."

"Charrrbok-aaa," Arbok said, smirking at Meowth. ("My master hasn't replaced me.")

"You slimy--aack..."

"Charrbok. Bok-aaa."("I'm not slimy. It only looks that way because of the sun's reflection off my scales.")

"Whatever. At least I'm not fooling around with a toxic beachball."

Arbok tightened its grip again. "Chaaarrr!"("Leave Weezing out of this!")

"Admit it! He's a two headed freak!"

"Chaarrbok!"("You're just jealous!")

"Of what? Your bad taste?" Meowth screamed as Arbok lunged forward and started to swallow him. "Ash!! Get Jesse and James!"

"Why should I?" asked Ash, folding his arms across his chest. "You're evil!"

Meanwhile, Pikachu and Weezing were having a heart to heart by the mall fountain. "Pika pikachu?"("What's Team Rocket like?")

Weezing tried to shrug. "Weezing."("It's okay.")

"Pikachu pika pi."("I'm sorry I have to keep thundershocking you and Arbok.")

"Weezing."("I understand.")

Pikachu rubbed the back of his head and looked sheepishly at Weezing. "Pika-chu ka pi?"("What's it like to evolve?")

"Zing."("Weird.") "Weezing wee-zing."("Arbok and I evolved for our masters.")

"Pikaa," said Pikachu, staring at him.("Wow") "Pikachu?"("Why?") Weezing tried to shrug again. "Pikachu pika pi."("I always thought they were bad trainers.")

"Weezing weezing wee zing."("They're not. They've always taken good care of us.") He thought for a moment. "Weezing."("We're better off than Sundance.")

"Pika?"("Who?")

"Weezing."("Butch and Cassidy's raticate.")

Pikachu wrinkled his nose. "Pika pika pika chu?" he asked.("They actually named it 'Sundance'?") Weezing nodded.

"What is it?" Jesse snapped at the phone. "What? Can you put Arbok on? Arbok? Arbok, I know...I know Meowth can be a jerk sometimes, but we don't eat other members of Team Rocket....Arbok, spit Meowth out right now!"

"Arbok's trying to swallow Meowth?" asked James, sitting up only slightly.

"Trying nothing," Jesse replied. "According to that little twerp Meowth's head's already disappeared." She uncovered the mouthpiece. "Did you spit him out?"

"Chaarr-bok," Arbok said sheepishly.

"Good. Now, be a good pokemon and capture that Pikachu for mommy and I might have an extra rattata for you when you come home."

"Bok!" cheered Arbok.

As Jesse hung up the phone, James snickered. "Oh, shut up," Jesse snapped.

"Don't worry, Jess, I'm sure Arbok would do anything for 'mommy,'" James said, giggling. Jesse hit him with her pillow.

"You're just jealous because I have a close relationship with my pokemon," Jesse said.

"I'll say! Who's the father?" Jesse hit him again.

Meowth shuddered, then took out the other two pokeballs he'd been handed. "Go Victreebell and Lickitung!"

"Treebell?" asked Victreebell, turning to Meowth. ("Who the hell are you?")

"Jesse and James left me in charge," said Meowth. "So treat me with the same respect you would treat them." Meowth realized his mistake when Victreebell tried to swallow his head.

"Chaarbbok," Arbok said to Lickitung.("You can take him.")

"Licki?"("What about you?")

"Charrrabok."("Jesse made me promise not to eat him.")

Licktung nodded, then hit Meowth with its tongue.

Ash sighed and headed back towards the pay phones.

"Hello?" asked Jesse, taking a break from pummeling James with her pillow. "It's for you,": she said, starting to hand the phone to her partner.

"Hello? What's Weezing trying to...oh, it's Victreebell. Just tell Meowth the damn thing won't listen to me, and he's on his own," said James. He then hung up.

"I can't believe your own pokemon won't take orders from you," said Jesse.

"Jesse, we don't have any badges! Technically any pokemon over level thirty should ignore us!"

"We could earn some..."

James snorted. "How? We don't even have enough pokemon to battle seperately!"

"And they don't let people share badges..." Jesse sighed. "Do they?"

"No."

"Damn! We could catch some pokemon..."

"With what? Food and rocks?"

Jesse pulled out a battered fishing rod. "We catch a bunch of magikarps, drop them off at the daycare center, wait awhile, then..." Jesse stopped. "Actually...we catch a bunch of magikarps, have you kick them, then enjoy our new gyaradoses for free!"

Ash returned from the payphones. "James said you're doomed," he told the portions of Meowth that were still visible. He looked around at Team Rocket's remaining pokemon. Arbok was sleeping under the lights on the stage. Lickitung was wandering off towards the fountain. "They sure did raise some loyal pokemon..."

Meowth screamed something at him.

"Weezing,"("Hi Lickitung.")

"Li," said Lickitung, sitting next to Pikachu.("Hi.")

"Ka," Pikachu replied. "Pikachu pika pika?"("Do you think we should go back now?")

"Weezing."("No, Arbok's probably still beating up Meowth.")

"Lickitung," said Lickitung, shaking its head. "Lick tung." ("No, she's not. Jesse made her stop.")

"Pikachu?" asked Pikachu, looking surprised. ("Arbok's a girl?")

Lickitung and Weezing nodded. "Weezing,"("At least I hope so.")

Jesse lined the three magikarps they'd caught up on the rug. "Are you sure about this?" asked James.

"Positive," said Jesse.

James looked down at the magikarps who were flopping just as pathetically as they'd been flopping in water. "You know they're probably going to try to kill us," said James.

"I thought you hated magikarps," said Jesse.

"I do!"

"Then channel your anger, James! One of these crappy things nearly got up killed! You wasted both of our salary advances just so..." Jesse kicked him.

"Ow! What was that for?" asked James, rubbing the back of his leg.

"I'm channeling my anger. Now just shut up and kick the damn things!"

James sighed and drew back his foot.

Quite predicatbly, four minutes later Jesse and James were clinging to each other and facing three very angry gryadoses. "Okay, they just evolved, all they should know is splash and maybe tackle," said Jesse, trying to sound calm.

"And splash can't do anything," James continued. "Of course, since they're all three times our size--" He paused to dodge a chunk of ceiling that fell near them. "Since they're three times our size, tackle will probably break every bone in our bodies..."

They shuddered and hugged each other even tighter. "Maybe they'll just slither back to their pond," said Jesse.

"Before or after they break every bone in our bodies?"

"Gyraaaaa!" screamed one of the gyradoses. It opened its mouth. The others did the same.

"But of course these are special gryadoses who learned hyper beam the moment they evolved," said James, somehow managing to pull Jesse even closer to him.

"Of course," Jesse said weakly. "This isn't fair! We're too pretty to die!"

"Jesse, this is probably the last moment we'll even have together," James looked her in the eyes.

Jesse blinked back tears. "Oh, James," she said.

"So I'd just like to say something now, beacause I might never get another chance." He took a deep breath. "I can't believe you came up with such a stupid plan!"

"I can't believe you followed it!" She glared at him. "I'll see you in hell!"

"If you were there, it wouldn't be hell!" James snapped back.

"Yeah, well, same to you!" snapped Jesse.

They both blinked, realizing the gist of what had just been said. James slowly extended his hand and tilted Jesse's chin up. They were both leaning towards each other, eyes closing when--

"Gyaaraaaa!" screamed another gyrados.

Mood shattered, Jesse and James looked away from each other so they could stare at the gyaradoses and wait to die. Naturally, these were in fact special gyaradoses who hyper beamed the two Rockets.

As they found themselves flying through the air very much alive, Jesse sighed. "All right, it was a stupid plan," she said.

"Are we blasting off towards the mall?" asked James.

Jesse looked down. "Oh, crap," she said, somehow managing to throw herself into his arms in midair. "That ceiling's probably going to kill us.

James shook his head. "Somehow, we're going to hit it with enough force that we break through, but somehow don't die."

Jesse scowled. "Very reassuring."

Ash was just about to ask Meowth how he was doing, when Team Rocket fell through the ceiling. Victreebell spit out Meowth and hurried towards his pokeball. Arbok looked up and slithered over to his master. "I hate gyaradoses," Jesse mumbled. She sat up and looked down at James. "Thanks for breaking my fall..."

"Nnnghh."

"What happened?" asked Meowth. "Ash is right over dere!"

"Don't ask," snapped Jesse and James as they staggered to their feet.

"Where's Weezing?" asked James.

"And Lickitung?" asked Jesse.

"Dey...left," said Meowth.

"What do you mean they left?" his teammates screamed at him.

"We put you in charge of our pokemon for twenty minutes," James began.

"And you lose them?" Jesse finished.

"Dey won't listen to me!"

Using their inherent knowledge of when the best time to show up would be, Weezing, Lickitung, and Pikachu reappeared. Jesse and James immediatly ran over to their pokemon and hugged them protectively. "We're so sorry we left you with that stupid cat!" said Jesse.

"Weezing, are you all right?" asked James.

"Wee-zing."

Pikachu snickered behind his paw.

Arbok nudged Jesse's arm. "Chaarrbok!"

"Arbok claims Lickitung and Weezing were trying to capture Pikachu," said Meowth, rolling his eyes.

"Awww!" sighed Jesse and James.

"Chaarrbok-aa!' Arbok added proudly.

"Arbok is also claiming that she stayed here to distract Ash," said Meowth. "It's all a bunch of lies!"

"And what were you doing, Meowth?" Jesse asked.

"Yes, Meowth, what were you doing while our pokemon were being useful?" asked James.

"Bok," said Arbok.("Playing with Victreebell.")

"It's a lie!" said Meowth as his teammates continued to glare at him. "Your Arbok is a compulsive liar!"

Jesse petted her first pokemon. "It's all right, Arbok. Meowth is just jealous."

"Of what?!"

Jesse lowered her voice to a whisper. "He doesn't feel he's getting enough attention from his trainer, so he takes it out on others."

"And Jesse doesn't feel she's getting enough attention, so she takes it out on James," said Meowth. He was backhanded into the Reawor scenery.

"And you!" James said cheerfully.

"Well, it's your fault she's so moody all the time!" snapped Meowth, rubbing the large bump on his head.

"My fault?" asked James. "Is it my fault she's always..." James noticed Jesse slowly pulling a mallet out of thin air. "Had such a strong personality?"

"Wise decision," said Jesse, putting the mallet away.

"Hey, you would've hit me for dat!" complained Meowth. "How come you let him talk his way out of a beating?"

"Well, duh," muttered Misty. She looked sheepishly at Ash. "Sorry it took us so long to get back here..."

"We...overslept," said Brock.

"Now you can help me battle Team Rocket!" said Ash. "At least...I think we're battling..."

Jesse and James exchanged a glance. "I think we've already had enough of a beating for one day," said James.

"Will you take a rain check?" asked Jesse.

"Can we just battle?" asked Ash.

"Sorry, it's in our contract," said Jesse. "We're only obligated to blast off once a day."

"Jesse, why would something like that be in our--oof!" james was interrupted by Jesse's elbow in his stomach. "I...guess I just didn't read the revision!"

"Exactly," said Jesse. "So, we'll be hiding backstage. Lickitung, return!"

"Victreebell, return!"

"Arbok, return!"

"Weezing, return!"

Ash, Brock, and Misty started at the empty space in front of Squirtle. "What're you going to fight with?" asked Ash.

Jesse and James quickly ran backstage. "Meowth, fury swipes!" they shouted once they were a safe distance away.

"What?" asked Meowth. "I didn't agree to..."

"Squirtle, water gun!" shouted Ash.

Meowth dodged the stream of water, but Squirtle ducked into its shell. "Ow!" Meowth screamed. "I think I broke a claw..." He waited for more instructions. "What do you two numbskulls expect me to do now?"

Backstage...Jesse was blushing and keeping her eyes on the ground. "What were you going to say before we blasted off?" she asked.

"I wasn't going to say anything," James replied. His lips were about half a millimeter from Jesse's when they heard what sounded like a throat being cleared. They both opened their eyes and saw Meowth along with Ash and friends glaring at them.

"I'm going to start carrying pepper spray," Meowth announced.

"What about our battle?" asked Ash.

"We've got stuff to do," said Misty. "We can't sit here all day because you two are off in a corner somewhere!"

"It's not what it looks like!" James protested.

"Then what is it?" asked Meowth, folding his arms across his chest.

Jesse grabbed James by the collar and dragged him a few feet away. "James," she said through clenched teeth, "I thought we agreed to make it through this episode without any Rocketshipping!"

"Jesse, come on!" said James. "We're in a darkened area...behind a wall...we've conveniently gotten rid of Meowth..."

"Hmm...I guess you're right," said Jesse. "And we've even got the deprived and lonely writer...you know what that means..."

"Hentai!" they cheered, throwing off their uniforms before throwing themselves into each others' arms.

"Uhm...we're still here," said Ash.

"Oh yeah..." said Jesse and James. They gave each other a panicked look.

"Where did we throw our uniforms?" asked Jesse.

Meowth and Pikachu, despite their differences, had decided to unite on this one. They were currently dragging everything except Jesse's shirt and James' jacket towards the mall fountain.

"Whoo-hoo!" cheered Brock.

"Take it all off!" added Misty.

Ash stared at his friends. "Look, Ash, we all know I've got a sick mind and massive sexual appetite," said Brock.

"And I've gone through puberty," said Misty. "I do have breasts, thank you very much, Team Rocket and occaisionally Ash and Brock!"

James snorted. "I've got bigger breasts than that!" Everyone looked at him.

"Where exactly are you hiding them?" asked Jesse.

"I didn't mean right now...and I've had bigger breasts than you!"

Jesse put her hands on her hips. "You gave yourself bigger breasts than me deliberately!"

"Jesse, they...came that big!"

"No they didn't! I saw you inflate them!"

"Me too!" added Brock. He lowered his head and sighed. "That was such a confusing day..."

"Just face it, James," said Jesse. "You have severe egocentric transgender issues!"

"What?" asked James, Ash, Brock, and Misty.

"You've always wanted to be prettier than me!" said Jesse, starting to sniffle.

Brock quickly sidled up to her. "No one could be prettier than you, Jesse," he said. James' eyes narrowed.

"Freak," said Jesse. "Although...you wouldn't try to be prettier than me, would you?"

"When have I tried to be prettier than you?" asked James.

"Salon Roquet battle, the underwater ballet costumes, and the magic show we put on for those little brats," snapped Jesse. "You always try to make me be the man!"

"Jesse, do you remember how ugly the female costumes were?" asked James. "You should thank me! Besides...you don't even look that good in pink..."

"Oh, and I looked great in ugly grey tights?" Jesse asked in reply.

"Duh," said James and Brock.

"And the magician outfit," added James.

"So you're the one who cut that piece out of it!" snapped Jesse.

"Oh, come on, Jess, we all know you're an exhibitionist."

"What?!"

James rolled his eyes. "If you had any clothes on, they'd probably be slutty..."

"I'm comfortable with who I am!"

"You could try to be a bit less comfortable..."

"Look who's talking!"

"Me? What have..." James trailed off, noticing that everyone was giving him an "oh, come on" look. "It's just a hobby!"

"You know, I read somewhere that by the time he's forty, he'll probably get a sex change operation and become a lesbian," Brock said. "Most transverstites do." He put on his suavest smile and leered at Jesse. "So...in case that happens, do you want my number?" Jesse started to reach for a mallet, then stopped. James smirked at her.

"At least I'm not confused," muttered Jesse.

"What's a lesbian?" asked Ash.

Everyone stared at him. "You idiot!" exclaimed Jesse. "It's bad enough you don't know what a carnivore is--"

"You don't know what a carnivore is?" asked Misty.

"But you brats grow up with Jerry Springer! You should at least know what a lesbian is!"

"Well...what is one?" asked Ash.

"James," said Brock.

"With hooters," added Misty. "And if you ask me what 'hooters' are, Ash Ketchum, I'm going to beat you senseless!"

James looked at his partner. "She sounds like you," he said.

Jesse kicked him. "Very funny," she muttered.

"Where are our clothes?" asked James. They both saw the remaining black and white fabric and grabbed it. When Jesse came up with only James' jacket and James came up with only Jesse's tank top, they both sighed. "Spaghetti straps, of course."

"It's the only one I own, okay?"

"So...where are the rest of our clothes?"

"And where's Meowth?"

They exchanged a glance. "That stupid, stupid cat!" screamed James.

"I'm going to rip his whiskers out!" screamed Jesse.

"You were the ones who performed that stupid strip tease in da foist place," said Meowth, having returned from his mission. "Don't make me fury swipe you!"

"Ewww! No!" screamed Ash, covering his eyes. "What if you rip the rest of their clothes off? I've already seen enough of them to last me a lifetime!" He thought for a moment. "Well...James at least..."

Jesse stuck her tongue out at James. "See? You're not the favorite anymore!"

"Oh, darn, I was really hoping that Brock and Ash wanted to see me naked!"

"You would."

"I was being sarcastic!"

Brock and Misty exchanged a glance. "I think Meowth should definately use the fury swipes on this one," said Brock.

"Definately," added Misty.

"Bleah," said Ash. "They've probably got double cooties..."

"I'm aiming above the neck," snapped Meowth.

"Good," said Ash.

"Awww," sighed Misty and Brock.

"Ahhh!! My face!" screamed Jesse and James.

"Before you ruin my perfection," Jesse began.

"And she says I'm confused," muttered James.

"What was that?" asked Jesse.

"I said you're an ugly troll," said James, pulling down his lower eyelid. "Where're you going to pull that frying pan out of now?"

Jesse reached into her bra and pulled out a pen and a pad of paper. "Note to self," she said, writing as she spoke. "James called you an ugly troll. Now, Meowth," she continued, returning the notepad to whence it came, "where are our clothes?"

Meowth gave her the finger. "Screw you!" he said. "You don't even have your pokemon!" Jesse took out the notepad and started writing again.

"Meowth, you realize that we can never let her wear clothing again," said James. Then something occured to him. He hugged Meowth. "I love you, Meowth!"

"Don't touch me!" Meowth screeched.

"This is certainly an odd turn of events," said Brock.

"We could have the police arrest them for public indecency," Ash suggested.

"You could get our clothes back!" Jesse suggested.

"It looks like Team Rocket's learned a valuable lesson today," said Misty. Everyone except for Jesse and James nodded thoughtfully.

"Pikachu pika pika pi pi ka chu," said Pikachu.

"That's right, Pikachu!" said Ash, laughing. "I bet they'll think twice before stripping down in a mall next time!"

"Dere won't be a next time!" snapped Meowth. "I'm turning you two into the Boss."

"You're telling on us?" asked Jesse.

"It's our word against yours!" said James.

"And he hates all of us equally," said Jesse. "Besides, you don't have any proof!"

"Gengar!" screamed Meowth, pointing behind them.

"Yeah, right," said James.

"We're not going to fall for that," said Jesse. Meowth started mutely pointing behind them, staring in horrified shock. "Just give it up, Meowth," Jesse continued, slowly turning around and seeing a PO'd rent a cop glaring at them. She and James screamed and leapt into each other's arms, only to find Brock between them. They both recoiled with sounds of utter disgust. "What the hell is wrong with you?" they snapped.

"Team Rocket Babe Magnet Method," said Brock, winking at Jesse. Meowth started snickering.

James motioned to Brock. "Brock, let me explain something," he began.

"That's the Team Rocket Babe Magnet Method?" asked Jesse, staring at her partner.

"There are two basic rules of using the Team Rocket Babe Magnet Method," James continued. "One: never tell any Rocket chicks what the method is. Two: never use the method on any Rocket chicks."

"But I thought she was available," said Brock.

"I am," said Jesse.

"Excuse me," said the rent-a-cop, continuing to tower over everyone, "but I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you two to come with me."

As Jesse and James were led off by the rent-a-cop, dragging what piddly amounts of clothing they had with them, Ash-tachi turned back to Meowth. "Can you battle without a trainer?" asked Ash.

Meowth glared at him. "Can you get dressed without your mom?"

"Only on his better days," laughed Misty.

In the security headquarters of the mall, Jesse and James had clasped hands and were now sniffling profusely. "It was all that horrible man's fault!" wailed James.

"He molested us!" sobbed Jesse. She'd put on James' jacket and was using the sleeves to wipe her eyes.

"Could you give us a description of the perpetrator?" asked the rent-a-cop.

"He had hair, like this," said Jesse, gesturing Florinda style.

"And he has no eyes!" added James.

"We don't know what he did with our clothes," said Jesse, wiping her eyes.

"And our pokemon are missing too," said James.

"Oh, James," said Jesse, turning to her partner, "Do you think we'll ever see Morty again?"

"Morty?" asked the rent-a-cop.

"Our moltres," said James as Jesse collapsed against his chest and started sobbing loudly. "Jesse's just so fond of him..."

The rent-a-cop looked at him, then glanced at an old wanted poster on the wall, then back at them. "What did you say your names were again?" he asked.

Jesse and James froze. "You're not going to help us find our poor, lost moltres, are you?" asked Jesse, looking up but still keeping her hands on James' chest. "Or our clothes!"

"Jesse, you wouldn't happen to have any smoke bombs on you..." whispered James.

"Oh, of course, James...I use them to stuff my bra, after all," Jesse snapped back.

James sighed. "Who should we use our phone call on?" he asked.

"The man with no eyes still harassed me!" Jesse informed the rent-a-cop.

"We'll look into it," said the rent-a-cop. "Meanwhile, I think I'll tell Officer Jenny that we've finally captured the notorious Jesse and James from Team Rocket..."

While he made the call, Jesse and James' eyes went all wobbly. "We're still notorious!" they squealed.

Meowth was ready to give up, when an Officer Jenny appeared. "Which one of you is the man with no eyes?" she asked. Ash, Misty, Pikachu, Squirtle, and Meowth pointed at Brock. "You're under arrest for sexual harassment and molestation!"

"What?" asked Brock.

"You have the right to remain silent," Officer Jenny began.

Handcuffed to each other and still near naked, Jesse and James were soon brought to Pallet Town's minimum security prison. "You two are in luck!" said the Officer Jenny at the front desk. "Today is free shovel day! The first five hundred entering inmates get a free shovel! Now, you two have been working together and causing mischief for Team Rocket for years...would you like separate cells, or not?"

"We'd like to be together," said Jesse.

Jenny handed her a ring of keys. "Could you hold these for a moment?" she asked. "I have to get out the paperwork."

"Of course," said Jesse, stuffing the keys into the jacket.

"Who do you want to call?" James asked her.

"How about Mondo?" Jesse suggested. "I'm sure he'd love to hear from us..."

"Can we make our phone call now?" asked James.

Officer Jenny nodded. "It's right over there," she said. "Remember, you're on the honor system!"

Jesse quickly dialed. "Hi, Mondo!" she and James said when the younger Rocket picked up.

"Hi, guys!" Mondo said cheerfully. "What're you up to?"

"We're in jail again," said James.

"A rent-a-cop busted us for indecent exposure after Meowth took our clothes," Jesse began.

"Long story," James interjected.

"And then he saw our wanted poster and...here we are!"

"Do you need me to pick you up?" asked Mondo. "Me and Ditto can--"

"Don't worry about it," said Jesse. "Jenny asked me to hold her keys for her."

"And it's free shovel day!" added James. "And they're going to put us in the same cell again."

The three Rockets were enjoying a good laugh when someone tapped Jesse on the shoulder.

It was Brock. "Can I use the phone soon?" he asked.

"Hold on a second," Jesse said sweetly. "We still haven't made James' phone call..."

"Hey, that's right!" said James.

"Who're you guys going to call next?" asked Mondo. "After all, your one phone call is very important!"

"Especially on shovel day," said Jesse. Team Rocket started laughing again.

"Who else do we know?" asked James.

"We could prank call someone," suggested Jesse. "Mondo, are you doing anything right now?"

Mondo shook his head. "No, I'm just looking through what our unit's spent this quarter...do you guys know anything about tattoos?"

"If we tell you, can you change it?" asked Jesse. Mondo nodded. Jesse and James showed him their joint tattoo.

"Wow," Mondo said. "Were you guys drunk?" They nodded. "Meowth's fault?"

Jesse shook her head. "We were playing the Sailor Moon drinking game with Butch and Cassidy," she said.

"I think we watched at least ten episodes," said James. "Not that I remember much..."

"Still, it was worse than the rare candy incident," Jesse reminded him.

"True..."

"You guys never told me about that," said Mondo.

Jesse and James looked over at Officer Jenny, who was still obliviously digging through her desk. "Well, we broke into Professor Oak's house and were going to steal his rare pokemon," Jesse began.

"But he saw us...and invited us to tea," added James.

"Then we found out that he was in Team Rocket and his overbearing, insensitive bitch of a partner--"

"I know how that can be," muttered James.

"--ditched him at a crime scene. So, not knowing that she was scum, we decided to hunt him down. Meowth got us a car...somehow..."

"We still don't know how..."

"Of course pest-tachi wanted to tag along. But the little twerp gets bored, slips rare candy into our donuts--"

"Real donuts or rice ball donuts?" asked Mondo.

"Real ones," said Jesse.

"Jelly filled," added James.

"Naturally we wake up the next morning in the same bed--"

"How many beds were there?" Mondo asked.

"One," said Jesse and James.

"But don't you normally--"

"Yes, but normally we're wearing more clothes," said Jesse.

"Ah."

"Meowth refused to tell us if we did it," said James. He sighed. "Eventually he said we didn't."

"We couldn't remember anything, but the brat confessed, then we got back in the car, got lost again..." Jesse sighed. "And eventually found the damn Team Rocket nursing home."

"Where the twerp tricked me and locked me in a closet," said James. Noticing that Mondo was about to make the standard, smart-assed remark, James quickly snapped, "Don't say it!"

"So I had to deal with that bitch Annie by myself," said Jesse. "That idiot..."

"Then I had to deal with her," said James. He shuddered. "She told me these awful, boring stories about her and Aido..."

"Then it was off to the cafeteria for that slop..."

"Apparently they couldn't catch a cold..."

"Then using a brilliant revised plan I captured Pikachu and ran like hell to the car."

"The worst part was when they started arguing about whether or not they ever caught this dratini..."

"James had the keys, of course, so I had to stand out in the rain, getting wet and ruining my hair, to wait for him."

"But we finally got out of that, then the brats decide to make this bet with us..." Brock sighed and looked at the clock on the wall.

About an hour later, Jesse and James were looking around their cell, and arguing about the best place to start digging. "Did Jenny ever ask for her keys back?" asked James.

Jesse nodded. "Unfortunately. I still say we should dig here."

"But we've always dug over there before!"

"So what? It's not like this is...oh." Jesse stopped as James kicked aside a floor tile, revealing a partial tunnel. "When were we here before?"

"We weren't. But somehow, every jail we've ever been in has a started tunnel, just so it won't take us so long to dig our way out."

Jesse smiled. "Should we start digging then?" she asked, leaning against the door. It swung open. Jesse and James tossed their shovels aside and ran to the inner office. By an amazing coincidence, two uniforms had been hung up in easy reach. As they pulled them on, Jesse said, "I love our legal system."

"Do you think they're ever going to catch on?"

Meowth was curled up on a chair, sleeping peacefully. He had fished Jesse and James' uniforms out of the fountain, pokemon included, just to make sure they weren't too mad at him when they came home. Instead of being woken up by a swift kick in the butt delivered by Jesse or Jesse and James, he was jerked out a peaceful sleep by the sound of Officer Jenny shouting, "Freeze, dirtbag!"

"You two really suck," Meowth said once he had seen his teammates, dressed like Officer Jenny and holding up their voice changer megaphones.

"But we've got clothes," said Jesse, snatching her uniform, which some how included her tank top.

"And these great new shovels!" added James, snatching his also myseteriously complete uniform.

"It was shovel day again?"

"Shovel day always seems to coincide with us getting arrested," said Jesse. "Which is why I've stopped caring about the importance of a fair trial."

"Have we ever made it to a trial?" asked James.

"Have we ever made it through the first night?"

"Did you two learn a valuable lesson today?" asked Meowth.

Jesse and James looked at each other. "Well...we got our clothes back, free shovels, two free long distance phone calls, and new Officer Jenny uniforms...and all just for a brief bout of embarrassment," said Jesse.

"I didn't learn a thing!" James proudly announced.

Meowth sighed. "You didn't learn anything for this?"

"Meowth, we didn't even have to dig our way out," said Jesse. "They left the cell door unlocked. It's not like we actually suffered for anything we've done..."

"Besides, we're Team Rocket!" added James.

"Did we learn anything from that time we had our rubber protection suits blasted by fire?" asked Jesse.

"Just that we should've gotten fire proof uniforms," said James.

"Did we learn anything from the St. Anne?"

"That magikarps are the devil!" James thought for a moment. "And that we're invincible."

"Did we learn anything from Salon Roquet?"

"Never put Meowth in charge of finances. And I still want to know how Koffing could trip over a dress..."

"Did we learn anything from the whole mermaid princess thing?"

"Just that Arbok can breathe under water..."

"And did we learn anything from the time we stole all of those pokeballs from the Pokemon League?"

"Never use a rental car for evil!" James and Meowth shouted in unison.

"You see?" said Jesse. "No matter what kind of trouble we get ourselves into, we never learn anything that has a real life application!"

James and Meowth nodded. "And now that we've been arrested and failed to get Pikachu, there's only one thing to do," said James.

"Watch TV and eat popcorn until 4 AM?" asked Jesse.

“That’s right!” said James. “I think there’s a Star Trek marathon on tonight…”

Meowth glared at his teammates. “Shouldn’t we be trying to think of a way to capture pikachu and keep our jobs?”

Jesse and James shrugged. “Maybe if we’d learned something,” said James.

“Meowth, you’re pokemon,” said Jesse, plopping down on the couch and turning on "The Trouble with Tribbles.” “You can’t get fired.”

“Oh yeah!” exclaimed Meowth. “I’ll go make da popcorn!”

Well, Ash and friends certainly learned something today: those out of work and desperate actors may look like Jeremy and Jane, charming, lovely members of Team Mafia, but they could easily be, in reality, Team Rocket!

To be continued…