Nevermind the seizures and promoting violence. If kids today have any sense, they'll learn to love violence where it's really high tech and cool, like in The Matrix! Uhm, anyways, Pokemon hasn't made me go out and tackle people before finishing them off with a good psywave!(if I could do psywave, I wouldn't be trying to make money off All Advantage...)No, pokemon has taught me the beauty of slot machines, especially when I realized how much money little poke-Zelda has...lots of money...and poke-Zelda has a Persian, which means even more money to throw away on slot machines!!
That was just the obsession in Pokemon Blue. Poke-Zelda was eventually able to get on with her life, kick some ass, and is currently wandering around in a dark cave, wishing she'd brought an escape rope and wondering why that little creep Ash was able to find the Pokemon League so easily.
Then came Pokemon Yellow, where little Poke-Zelda learned that the slot machines are in color. With pictures of Team Rocket pokemon on them. Cute, little icon pictures of them.(okay, okay, I don't think anything will make Weezing cute, but Meowth and Arbok...)This is also the game where it's impossible to capture a Meowth and say, "Meowth, mommy just spent all her money on slot machines again, and we're out of pokeballs, so why don't you use pay day on the mean Bug Catcher and his crappy Metapod." Oh, no, that would just make your gambling problem a bit easier to live with wouldn't it? So the poor trainer who already has a gambling problem has to go find Jesse and James, because they have a Meowth and since he listens to them presumably(he counts as one of their pokemon anyway...of course, Jesse and James are also one person according to the game) That's why everyone in Team Rocket(well, J+J Team Rocket, which we all know is the real Team Rocket and to hell with those bastards in black!)looks so smug. They know I have a gambling addiction, and they and Giovanni(and some of those stupid chicks I put up with on the road)have the only Meowths and Persians in Pokeland. While I'm using itemfinder like mad in a stinking tunnel, they're probably sitting back in whereever I'm going to encounter them next and saying to themselves, "Hey, let's use Meowth's payday on the furniture here, then hide it so it doesn't count as our money, then grab it before we blast off so we don't have to give it to that little Pallet moron as half our money!" Then they laugh and start having wild sex(hopefully their pokemon are still in their pokeballs, Meowth included)which is why they're always so mad at me when I show up...
In Gold and Silver there had better be Gambler's Anonymous meetings in Celadon or somewhere nearby...yes, I know it's just a game and that it isn't even real money but...I will get that porygon...I will win all those coins and get my porygon and be happy and if it sucks, I'll just have to go back to the gaming center and keep playing until I can get something else...maybe a dratini...
Tune in next time I'm awake and makin' pages at 4 AM when I'll discuss how the Safari Zone emotionally scarred me!