Cat: Hello, my name is Cat.
John: Hey! Mine's John.
Fun Board: Wassup? I'm Fun Board!
Suzy: Hi, I'm Suzy!
Kitty: Yo, call me Kitty.
Toby: Howdy! I'm Toby.
Strange Voice: Today we join our commenters as… well, I'd rather not say. Let's just get ON WITH THE FIC!
Disclaimer: Still don't own anyone.
Rating: PG-13, but nothing really dirty this time. Jesse does call Cassidy a very bad word though... >>
Toby: Darn. I mean, we are just dirty people!
Kitty: Do we get the good ol' baseball bat today, or do we get something else? (Kitty is handed a boomerang [like Link's in super smash bro's]) Thanks! (uses it on Toby)
<<Other: Ash's comment concerning evil people and their feelings is actually a direct quote from a friend of mine concerning Sailor Moon(when it was the "ite" people and the chick died and the guy was sad?). It is not meant to be an insult to non-Rocketshippers. If Butch and Cassidy seem a bit "off," it's because I've only seen bits and pieces of their first episode, and I don't really like them anyways. ^_^ But Zelda does like mail. So if you want to send me a few nasty letters, send 'em to Zelda. Another side note, this was written when there was the rumor that the Princess Day episode wasn't going to air in the US(hence J+J's confusion about Lickitung)Also, something I learned the other day was that the chick is not only named Zoicite, but wasn't a chick in Japan... >>
John: Did we really need to know that?
< Cat: Hey, Giovanni? Little hint. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT! They merely are trying to cover up for the fact at least one member of each team is homosexual!
Suzy: Even I don't believe that. Both Butch and Cassidy seem pretty hetero.
Fun Board: Cassidy was hot looking. (notices Suzy bringing out the boomerang) But not as hot as a real person!
Toby: Suzy, weren't you not going to come to this one?
Kitty: Fun Board er… converted her to one of us full time commenters.
< Cat: AH-HA!
Kitty: Oh, don't you steal my phrase.
Cat: Okay… SEE!
Kitty: Much better.
< All: Two?
Jesse slowly opened her eyes and found James lying very close to her. Extremely close. One of them must have rolled over in their sleep again. It seemed to happen a lot. She wondered if she could move a bit closer. He might not notice. She was just about to make her move when James woke up. They stared at each other, not quite sure what to do. >>
Kitty: AH-HA!
Toby: (imitating Brock on Together Forever) Oh, no. Not this again.
< "What if we get caught?" Jesse asked in reply.
"Oh yeah..."
"We could pretend we're selling Girl Scout cookies and once they're distracted-"
"We can capture the Pikachu!" >>
John: Proof that at heart, it's all about the Pikachu. Even Jessiebelle will one day try to capture Pikachu.
Cat: What the…
< "And they have such cute uniforms!" James squealed. "Do we get to eat the cookies afterwards?"
After breakfast, Team Rocket was ready for action! >>
Toby: What kind of action? Oh, Kitty's converted me to Rocketshipper-hood!
<<"I refuse to wear the beret," Meowth said, squinting at the pile of green and white Jesse had handed him.
"Just get dressed," Jesse snapped at him.
James had already taken off his jacket and gloves. Jesse abruptly stopped unbuttoning her own jacket. They always changed together--it was faster and easier. At first Jesse hadn't thought anything of it, but lately she'd started watching James. He didn't seem to notice her staring at him when he was practically naked, which was a very good thing for Jesse's pride. By now his entire uniform was in nearby pile. "Can you hand me that blouse?" he asked her. Jesse numbly did and tried to get her fingers to move again. He picked up a green pleated skirt and checked the size. "This is yours...here we go!" Jesse let out a sigh of relief as James was not only dressed again but also in women's clothing. That helped. She quickly removed her own uniform and pulled on the garish green and white ensemble. >>
Kitty: Ah-ha!
Fun Board: Nobody ever said Jesse's gay. Only James. Besides, this author is annoying!
<<"Ready?" she asked, pulling on the beret. James nodded.
Meowth muttered something inappropriate. Then he noticed the envelope that had mysteriously appeared at the edge of their camp. Using his claws as a letter opener, he quickly shredded the envelope and pulled out the contents. "Uh-oh...."
"What?" Jesse and James asked in unison, looking up from their make-up.
"Da Boss sent dis around again." Meowth handed them the pamphlet.
"I wonder why?" James asked, flipping through it. A large sweatdrop appeared over his temple.
With a sweatdrop of her own, Jesse added, "It's not as if we're anything but professionals." >>
Toby: Only a professional will call themselves a NidoKing of Love and their colleague a lovely Nidorina.
< "I thought it was a ghost!" Jesse laughed sheepishly.
"You knew dat was me!" Meowth screamed. "Maybe you two should pay more attention to number seven," he added, preparing to scratch them. He stopped mid-attack when James pulled a small note out from between the brochure's pages. "What's dat?"
"It looks like a note from the Boss," James said. " 'I've heard of certain activities not supported by the Team Rocket handbook occurring between you and your partner. Generous man that I am, I have decided to temporarily reassign...' " James and Jesse exchanged a nervous glance. " 'reassign you both to temporary partners. Hopefully this will give you time to think about the potential mistakes you're making. You will meet with your temporary partners at the next Pokécenter.' Maybe they'll have a different next Pokécenter," James said hopefully. >>
Fun Board: Outta luck, James. Maybe it'll be a guy for you!
<<"Either way, I smell a rattata," Jesse said, looking at Meowth.
"Yeah, someone must have snitched on us!" James added, fists clenching. "Not that we've done anything."
"Of course not! Nothing that can't be easily explained."
"Right."
"Right." The two looked at each other again. "There has to be someway out of this!" Jesse cried, throwing her arms around James just as he threw her arms around her.
"This plan was even guaranteed to work!"
Meowth decided that it was time to act. "Do you lame brains know what the word 'temporary' means?" he screeched, scratching them both. >>
Cat: That Meowth is the coolest character in Pokémon! He's smart!
<<"My face!" Jesse wailed, looking at herself in her mirror. She slammed a mallet into Meowth's head. "How dare you desecrate such beauty!" >>
John: And not quite as vain as some.
" '...at the next Pokécenter,' " Cassidy finished. "I can't believe this!" Butch exhaled another cloud of smoke and said nothing. "Who could possibly have known?" Cassidy continued.
"Jesse and James?" Butch suggested, naming the only other Team Rocket members he could currently remember. >>
All: Uh-oh.
< "I guess we can save it for later," Cassidy sighed. "Besides, an order from the Boss is far more important."
By an astonishing coincidence, the next Pokécenter was the same for both sets of disgruntled Rockets. "Jesse, fancy meeting you here," Cassidy said in the sweet voice women use right before they rip someone's throat out. >>
All boys: What a familiar voice!
All girls: (take boomerang and one by one hit their boy) Don't even think about insulting us, even if it is true!
<<"Don't tell me you got one of these?" Jesse asked, holding up Giovanni's note. "Or are you just here to admire our superior looks and style?"
Cassidy reluctantly held up an identical piece of paper.
"So how're we gonna do dis?" Meowth asked. The fur was already starting to rise on the back of his neck.
"I'll go with Cassidy," Jesse said. "Even James doesn't deserve her as a partner."
"Do you think Butch wants to deal with James?" Cassidy spat back. The two women glared at each other, fists ready.
"Ooo! Cat fight!" James exclaimed. >>
Cat: I resent that remark.
<<"We're supposed to be capturing Pikachu, correct?" Meowth asked. Jesse and Cassidy nodded. "Since it's a bit obvious that you...ladies have a slim to none chance of surviving if left alone, why not trade guys?" When this proposal was not met with acclaim, Meowth asked Cassidy, "Just how assertive as Butch?" Cassidy looked at the ground. "Exactly. So we'd have one group with the pushiest people I've ever met, and one group that would sit on its hands." >>
Fun Board: Just how assertive “AS” Butch? Okay…
< Toby: Survey says: Number 2!
< Toby: Survey says: Number one! Congratulations, Meowth! You won! See you next time on “Pokémon feud!”
<<"Raticate comes with me," Cassidy said. Butch shrugged.
"Jesse, I don't want to deal with the Raticate and her!" James whined to his partner in a low voice.
"Is there some way we could...pretend to have done this?" Jesse asked.
Butch and Cassidy shook their heads. "I'm not going to throw away a promising career over something like this. I'm not pathetically dependant," Cassidy said.
"What do you mean by that?" asked Jesse.
A few minutes and several insults later, after tightly squeezing James' hand, Jesse found herself following the trail of Ash and his friends with Butch and Meowth. "Are we keeping da same plan as before?" Meowth asked, a devilish grin on his face.
Jesse nodded. "If that's all right with you, Butch," she said. He shrugged.
Meowth and Jesse exchanged a giddy look. There could be some fun in this after all. Jesse tossed Butch his costume. "What's this?" he asked. >>
All: (Pause)
All: (crack up)
<<"We're Girl Scouts," Jesse explained. "Once we've distracted the pests with cookies..." She stopped, waiting for her partner to finish her sentence. Butch only looked at her, wondering why she had stopped talking.
Out of pity, Meowth eventually said, "...the pikachu will be ours!" Jesse smiled gratefully at him. "Dis isn't going well..." he muttered under his breath.
James looked at his watch. Fifteen minutes had passed since he'd said goodbye to Jesse, and he was already on the verge of insanity. Cassidy would not shut up. At first he'd tried to be understanding. If he had a voice like Butch's he would have been the strong silent type too, but not only was Cassidy overly talkative, she was also boring. At least the Raticate was in its Pokéball. That thing gave him the creeps. >>
Fun Board: Who do I know who is overly talkative and boring. Could it be Su- (remembers boomerang) I mean, Ben Stein?
Suzy: Nice save. (Hits him anyways)
<<"Now, after I say that, you nod," Cassidy was saying to him.
The plan was something involving lab coats. It didn't inspire him at all.
Cassidy glared at her temporary partner. He didn't seem to be listening to her. "Still awake, pretty boy?" >>
Cat: SEE!
<<"Pretty boy?" he repeated indignantly. He hoped this would be over soon.
Butch emerged from behind the bushes, feeling like the world's biggest idiot. Jesse and Meowth were staring at him with what looked like a combination of surprise and disgust. Hopefully they'd be willing to rearrange their idiotic plan. >>
Suzy: Smoker's voice… hey, didn't Jesse have a crush on him last unaired ep?
John: Suzy, there is something Ed taught me a long time ago. In a romantic comedy Pokémon fanfiction, do not worry about continuity. Except if it is by Rocket Jesse, Frogwoman, etc. certified geniuses.(Webmistress' note: What, what what?!)
<<"This might take some work..." Jesse said. "Can you prance?"
"Prance?"
"Maybe you should let us do the talking," Meowth suggested as he straightened his beret. He whispered to Jesse, "Dis isn't going to work."
"They might not recognize us this way," Jesse said, sounding more than slightly depressed.
Meowth squinted towards the road. "There they are!" he announced.
"If you could be any kind of Pokémon, what kind would you be?" Ash asked.
"I'd be a dratini," said Misty. >>
John: It is very rare to see such a strong runt.
<<"Pikachu!" Pikachu said.
"Awww," Ash, Brock, and Misty said in unison. Pikachu was just so darned cute!
"I'd be a raichu," said Ash. "How about you, Brock?" >>
Cat: Ash's got issues… has to be better than everyone, even his best buddy Pick-a-chew.
<<"I'd want to be a koffing."
Just as Brock was about to receive a serious McCarthyism style beat down, a voice from behind them called, "Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?" >>
Fun Board: Hey! We just learned about McCarthyism in school! Ash is a commie! Comrade Ketchum!
<<"Oh boy!" Ash exclaimed. "Cookies!"
"Girl Scouts!" exclaimed Brock.
Misty sighed. "Boys..." >>
All girls: Know the feeling.
Toby: Do we get a weapon? (is handed a paper fan) Okay… (all boys, in sequence, hit all girls.)
< Suzy: Wouldn't Jesse hit him?
<<"Would you like some thin mints?" Butch asked.
"Aughhh!" Ash and Brock immediately recoiled. >>
MPT Authors Note: That's exactly what people would do if I was a girl scout!
<<"Excuse me," said a voice in the opposite direction. "Is that your pikachu?"
Ash and Brock looked towards the man and woman in lab coats. "Did you know that the lightning involved in thundershock and other pikachu attacks can cause serious and permanent injury?" the woman asked. The man nodded.
"Isn't that..." Jesse started to say.
"Who else?" Meowth replied.
"Uhh, no..." Ash said.
"Lightning can literally fry sections of the brain-"
Misty laughed. "Well, that explains you, Ash!"
"And Team Rocket," Brock added. >>
Kitty: But James has his own song!
< Cassidy sadly shook her head. "Already feeling the negative effects."
"What...should I do?" Ash asked.
"Prepare for trouble and make it double," Butch and Cassidy said in unison while Jesse said , "Prepare for trouble," which was immediately followed by James' "Make it double." >>
Cat: Huh?
< Having managed to return to their uniforms first, Jesse and Butch gained first dibs on motto saying. "To protect the world from devastation," Jesse said.
"To blight all peoples within our nation," Butch joined in. >>
Toby: It's “To blight all peoples IN EVERY nation, DAMMIT!
<<"To denounce the evils of truth and love,"
"To extend our wrath to the stars above,"
Jesse glared at him. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm saying the motto," he replied.
"You've got the words completely wrong," James said.
Ash looked for an escape. "They've got us surrounded!" he moaned.
"And completely confused," Misty said. >>
All: But the reader is much more confused than…(INSERT 50 BAZILLION BLANK LINES HERE
Kitty: BROCK!
<<"He knows what he's doing," Cassidy added. "Unlike a certain pair I can think of."
"It was our motto first!" Meowth snapped. "You stole it from us!"
Ash motioned for his friends to join him in a hundle. "I'll take Jesse. You two take James," he said. >>
Fun Board: What's a hundle?
< Jesse had also noticed the huddle. "We can talk about this later," she said. "Now we have to get the pikachu. Arbok, go!"
"Charrrbok!" the snake hissed. >>
John: Yay! Snakey! Arbok always reminds me of Snakey, my Cobra.
< The Pokémon circled each other, waiting for the command to attack.
"Where's the other one?" Ash asked.
"Yeah, since when did you guys stop cheating?" Misty asked.
Jesse looked at Butch. "Don't you have any Pokémon?" He shook his head. Sighing, she handed him a Pokéball.
"Go..."
"Lickitung."
"Go Lickitung!"
"Where'd that come from?" James asked. >>
Toby: (Jesse) We've kind of been carrying this catching Pokémon role-playing thing a bit to far…
<<"I..." Jesse's mind drew a blank. "I don't know..."
Cassidy folded her arms across her chest. "If you two are done with your illegal fraternization..."
"Bulbasaur, vine whip!" Ash called out.
"Arbok, bind!" Jesse called. Bulbasaur and Arbok lunged at each other, then stopped abruptly.
"Bok!" Arbok hissed impatiently at Likitung.
Likitung looked at Butch. "Lickitung...umm...lick?"
Ash smiled. This wouldn't take long.
Meanwhile, Misty and Brock faced Cassidy and James. "Do you know what's going on?" Misty asked in a low voice.
Brock shook his head. "Not a clue."
The battle was slowed by a second motto conflict. "Do you have any idea what you're doing?" Cassidy snarled.
"Me? You're the one saying it wrong!"
"As if it weren't bad enough to have to hear that thing twice in one day..." Ash said. Bulbasaur had quickly trounced Arbok and Lickitung. Now all he had to do was hold Togepi for Misty and try to stay awake.>>
John: That egg gets around almost as much as Pikachu!
<<"Idiot," Jesse said to Butch as she retrieved her Pokémon. She whacked him with a frying pan. "Don't you know anything about Pokémon?"
Cassidy was just about to send out Raticate when she heard the painful "clang." "Don't hit him!" she yelled at Jesse. >>
Suzy: Underneath that beautiful head of hair, Butch has a weak skull.