Strange Voice: Hello. These are the Mystery Pokémon Theater 2187 people. Welcome to Zelda's Unaired Episode 1. Our commenters are:

Cat: Hello, my name is Cat.

John: Hey! Mine's John.

Fun Board: Wassup? I'm Fun Board!

Suzy: Hi, I'm Suzy!

Kitty: Yo, call me Kitty.

Toby: Howdy! I'm Toby.

Strange voice: today, we join them as they are arguing amongst themselves.

Cat: Okay, Kitty. Prove that you can romanticize every song in the universe by romanticizing… the songs on that ancient Pokémon album, 2 B A Master!

Kitty: Okay…

John: The Theme song.

Kitty: "A Heart so true"? And in the TV part, Misty grabs Ash's arm.

Fun Board: 2 B A Master.

Kitty: Er… you can get confused. It could be something like a dominatrix, for some people!

Suzy: Okay…Viridian City.

Kitty: What happened on the road to Viridian City? Ash met Misty-they like each other- AND Pikachu-in my mind, they like each other too. Need I say more?

Toby: What Kind of Pokémon are you.

Kitty: "Share with me your secrets deep inside."

Cat: My Best Friends.

Kitty: Often, friends can become more than that…

John: We've never heard 6 all the way through… The Time has Come.

Kitty: Remember my "Pikachu is really an attractive female" theory.

Fun Board: Never heard 8 all through… Double Trouble.

Kitty: Jesse and James. Need I say more?

Suzy: F*g and Hag. Sure… Anyway, Together Forever.

Kitty: The theory…

Toby: I'm not even going to say Misty's song. So… the PokéRap.

Kitty: Well… "I want to be the best, there ever was"… at what? And we've never heard 13 all the way over and done with.

Strange Voice: It is good that you were talking about Pokémon, my friends. I'm giving you a Pokémon fan fiction to do your commenting on. Now, ON WITH THE FIC!

<<Disclaimer: Pikachu and his fuzzy(and non-fuzzy)buddies belong to Nintendo, Game Freak, and a bunch of other nice companies who we should all thank for bringing sunshine to our lives.(please don't sue) >>

All: Right…

<>

John: Mom doesn't care about language!

Cat: Our mom does.

<>

Fun Board: I thought this was a comedy fic! A make over?

Suzy: On an electric rodent. (stares in disbelief)

<< by Episode Unaired>>

All: Huh?

<>

Toby: Let's see… A Staryu, Starmie, Horsea, Psyduck, and Togepi. Yea, a new Pokémon is in order.

<<"Maybe it's a new species!" Misty gasped excitedly. She grabbed her fishing rod and reached into her bag, hunting for an empty Pokéball. "Ohhh, I have to have one somewhere!" Misty frantically rummaged through the bag, tossing out everything that wasn't an empty Pokéball. When her bag was empty, she was struck with the unfortunate realization that there was only one thing to do. "Ash, do you have any extra Pokéballs?"

"Huh?" Ash looked up from another one of Brock's lectures on Pokémon care. Pikachu had fallen asleep in his lap. "Yeah, probably. My backpack's by that rock." >>

Cat: When in doubt, ask The Dense One. He has the amazing ability to give a very good vague answer.

John: What gender is Pikachu in this? Either way, the lap thing is weird.

Kitty: Does anyone here have a baseball bat? (one appears out of thin air) YAY! (hit's John over head)

<Ugh! Does he ever throw anything away? She gingerly reached in, hoping that her hand didn't come across anything slimy. >>

Fun Board: Just like Suzy's locker!

(Kitty hands Suzy the baseball bat, Suzy hits Fun Board)

<"Do you know where Ash keeps his Pokéballs?" Misty asked in return.

Pikachu thought for a moment. "Pi-pika!" he exclaimed, diving head first into the bag. He returned with a photograph. "Chu," he said proudly, holding it out to her. Then something in it caught his eye and he looked at it more closely. "Pika!" he screamed in horror. >>

Suzy: This is gonna be good. A rodent is freaked.

<<"What is it, Pikachu?" Misty took the picture from him. Then she screamed. >>

John: Probably a bug with rubber gloves on or something.

<>

Cat: See! John, I told you that you had to be Ash!

John: Damn you.

<<"Not quite," Misty said through clenched teeth, holding out the photograph. "Pikachu found this with your stuff!"

"Uhmm...how did that get in there?" asked Ash.

"Is that who I think it is?" asked Brock. >>

Toby: Oh, geez…

<<"Chu, pika-pi!" Pikachu added sternly. >>

Cat: And he just said?

<<"I think you kids are a bit young to be looking at things like this," Brock said, starting to take the picture from Misty. "I'd better just put it in a safe place..." >>

Kitty: And you are how old?

<<"Oh no you don't!" Misty snapped. "First I want to know where this came from!" She glared at Ash. Pikachu did the same, folding his little arms over his chest.

"Bill's PC," Ash said, grinning. "It's amazing what you can find there!"

"Really?" asked Brock, a fierce blush covering his face. >>

Fun Board: Naked picture of Nurse Joy?

Suzy: Probably worse.

(all grimace)

<

"How could a plan so brilliant fail?" asked

Jesse. "After all, it was thought up by-"

"Team Rocket!" she and James shouted triumphantly.

"Yeah, like I haven't heard that before..." Meowth said under his breath.

"Besides," James continued, "its simplicity itself! I put on this cheerleader's uniform and pretend that I'm hopelessly lost. Then-" >>

All: Wussy-boy!!

<<"Another dress?" asked Meowth. "Don't you think they've figured that out yet?"

"Figured what out?"

"That any deep voiced girl they meet in the middle of nowhere is you! Or possibly Jesse..." >>

Kitty: Since when does Jesse have a deep voice?

<"Actually, James, the crucial part of the plan is the part where we grab the rodent and keep it long enough to give it to the boss," Jesse snapped.

James thought about this for a moment. "But I'm the distraction!"

Meowth looked at Misty, Ash, and Brock. "I think that's already been taken care of."

"If I can't wear the cheerleading outfit, I refuse to say my half of the motto," James declared. >>

John: Idolizes Ru-Paul or Pro Wrestlers? (sees everyone looking at him funny) What? Pro Wrestlers put on STOCKINGS so they can grab each other in inappropriate places?

Kitty: I think he idolizes Jesse. Or maybe his Growlithe.

<>

Toby: Let's see, James, I think you've gone too far. Giovanni added a little thing for you in his seminar… then again, maybe that Mondo kid gave the seminar. Who the heck knows.

<<"Of course it'll work," Jesse replied.

"We've planned for every possible problem," James added.

"I say you're both incurable perverts!" Misty snapped, still holding the picture just out of reach. >>

All: NO DUH!

<<"Aww, c'mon Misty!" groaned Ash. "Let's just forget about it!"

"Not until you tell me where you got this from," Misty replied. "Pikachu, maybe you should see if there are naked pictures of any other Team Rocket members in there..." >>

John: Team Rocket members?

Fun Board: James or Jesse?

Kitty: My baseball bat… (takes it, hits them over the head)

<"Wow..." said Brock. "It's my lucky day! Jesse in the nude and now this!" >>

Toby: Oh, it's Jesse…

<<"I just don't know if I can-" the cheerleader stopped mid faint. "What?!" "She" lunged and grabbed the photo from Misty. "Oooo hoo hoo!" >>

John: Can I see the picture?

(without being asked, Kitty tosses the baseball bat to Cat. Cat hits John.)

<"Prepare for trouble..."

"Oh no!" said Misty.

There was an awkward silence. Pikachu tugged on the hem of James' skirt, waiting for him to speak. Finally, a familiar New Yorker added, "Make it double!" >>

Kitty: Must be a well taken photograph. Jesse must look like a… choo! No, seriously, that's proof!

Suzy: Not gonna say it…!

<"What am I doing?" James asked. "I'm not the one posing for little boys!">>

Suzy: (Jesse) Oh, really?

Kitty: (James) Huh?

Suzy: (Jesse) I saw you posing for that Richie kid…'

Kitty: (James) That wasn't me, it was that Victor guy, the surfer! He looks just like me, if he was um… 30 something years younger and clean shaven!

<<"Hey!" shouted Ash.

"What on earth are you talking about?" asked Jesse.

"Of course, we could make millions from this..."

"Millions?" Jesse was immediately interested. She quickly sidled up to James. >>

Cat: She sidled… nice word. Millions for a naked picture though… of that EW…?

<"Getting what back?" asked Meowth, leaping up to snatch the photo.

"Hey!" James shouted. Meowth held up his claws. Scowling, James snatched the Cat's head charm. "Now to buy the negatives and start planning Racy Rocket Magazine!" >>

All: Racy Rocket Magazine?(Webmistress' note: Hey, I hadn't thunk up Poke-Whore Magazine yet, you bastards!)

<<"We'll be rich!" Jesse exclaimed. Team Rocket threw their arms around each other and began jumping up and down with glee.

"Wow, Jesse, I didn't know you had it in you!" Meowth exclaimed. "James, maybe..."

Misty buried her face in her hands. "I don't know any of you."

"We'll have millions! Unless you weren't planning to split the profits with me..." James quickly returned to full Rocket regalia and began looking suspiciously at Jesse. >>

Kitty: I'm sure Jesse was thinking 'let's make a Racy Rocket Magazine' while posing for pornographic pictures.

<<"James, what are you talking about? I've never even seen this...flattering but highly accurate image of me," Jesse answered. >>

Toby: Then it can't be really posed, it must be candid or something. (sees baseball bat coming) I'M JOKING, DAMMIT!

<<"All these years and you betray me with...unless this was a plot to get the Pikachu..."

"But I didn't take it!" Ash quickly protested.

"What do you mean, 'all these years'?" Jesse asked James, giving him a warning look. >>

John: You have been friends since Pokémon Tech. You are 17. Pokémon Tech is for 10 year olds or so. Hm… long time, 7 years.

<"I always assumed that if anyone were going to take pornographic pictures of you it would be me!" James whined. "Or, possibly Meowth..." >>

All: MEOWTH?

<<"I really don't want to be hearing this..." Ash said.

"Me neither," Brock agreed, "but I would like to get another look at that picture..." >>

All Boys: I wanna see the picture.

(All girls, in turn, hit the boys over the head with the baseball bat.)

<<"Well, it's your stupid fault we're hearing it, Ash!" Misty screamed at him. >>

Fun Board: Stupid fault… isn't it just his fault, and then he's stupid anyway?

<<"I don't think we ever had any serious discussions on the matter," Jesse said, a large drop of sweat sliding down her temple.

"Yeah, you'd break the lens!" Meowth laughed. >>

John: Apparently not, not with the plot of this story.

<<"Shut up, you!" Jesse snapped, stomping on his head.

"Oh, Jesse, don't hide your feelings any longer-I'm a stud, an irresistible stud, and you know it!" James said, grinning suavely. "I've seen it in your eyes...I'm your NidoKing of Love, and you just can't wait to feel my poison sting." >.

Kitty: And what does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

<Brock was hurriedly writing something on a piece of paper. " '... my poison sting.' Got it." >>

Toby: Check out desperate boy!

<<"Look, Mr. NidoKing," said Meowth, "give me back my coin or I'll rip yer face off!"

"Not unless you give me back the picture of my sweet Nidorina!" James answered Meowth. >>

Cat: Nidorina? But he's a NidoKing!

<Jesse was oddly silent. The urge to crawl into a hole and die hadn't been this strong since that one childhood incident...well, Cassidy was still mad about the fate of her hair... >>

John: SHE DID THAT TO CASSIDY'S HAIR!

(all start cracking up)

<Holding his hands protectively over his coin, Meowth sat down next to Pikachu. "Pi chu pika pi?" >>

Kitty: Huh?

<<"I think this might actually be worse than the time I caught them in the balloon..." Meowth gave his sudden friend a warning look. "James told me he'd dropped a whole bag of coins about five miles down the road." >>

All: Crickey!

<<"Pi?"

"No, not really. It was just a dirty trick...thought up by a dirty mind!" Meowth shouted in the direction of the humans. >>

Kitty: Oh, Christ. What does he know about dirty minds… HA! This story must be based around the fact that JAMES SWINGS THE SAME WAY Y'ALL DO!

Cat: See! You just insulted your own beliefs! Cause John, Fun Board, Toby, they all are gay!

All Boys: Can we have a weapon? (they get a purse…weighted down with coins. They use it.)

<<"Kachu?" Pikachu asked, wrinkling his nose.

While this was going on, very few things had been resolved by the humans.

"Hey, Misty, will you be my sweet rattata?"

"Stop it, Ash!" Misty squealed. "You're not funny!" >>

Suzy: The sweet rattata squealed! Cool!

<<"And I'll be your cuddly diglett!" Ash snickered. >>

Fun Board: I am not going to steal the morons hat. I am not.

Cat: Bro, he's in a fanfiction. (hits him with the bat. Fun Board hits her back with the purse)

<<"That's it!" Jesse said to James. "I've had it with you!" She grabbed him by the collar and added in a lower voice, "I thought we agreed never to mention that in public!" >>

John: Okay…

Kitty: A-HA!

<"How do you think I'd look in black?" Jesse asked sweetly.

"You tramp! And I didn't finish!" >>

John: I don't get it.

Toby: Ditto.

(a ditto pops out of nowhere, then leaves)

<"I don't even want to see you with your clothes on, let alone off!" Ash replied, pulling down his lower eyelid. "And I didn't take that picture!"

"But Ash, if you didn't, who did?" Brock asked again.

Ash shrugged his shoulders and kicked up a small dust cloud. "That Todd kid must've taken it..." >>

Cat: (James) AH-HA! I knew he was evil at heart. Come, Toddy. I'll show you what to snap.

John: (Todd) Sorry, Jamie-boy, your on a waiting list. First, the Pikachu!

Kitty: John? Even I'm not that sick! (hits him with the infamous baseball bat)

<<"So why do you have it?"

"Uh...souvenir?" Ash asked.

James managed to escape from Jesse. He walked over to Ash and put his arm around the shoulders of the hopeful master. "I think it's time you learned about the facts of life," James began. "You're older now and perhaps you've started to notice some changes in yourself..." Ash was already squirming. "Maybe you're starting to be interested in girls...well, then, Ash, there's only one piece of advice I can give you-" >>

John: (James) run off with me! I'm much more reliable than some woman!

<<"Never give up?" asked Brock. "No matter how bad it looks?"

James solemnly shook his head. "No. My advice is...that women are the devil! Oh sure, they may look sweet and nice when they're trying to steal cute and beloved Pokémon, but lurking underneath that charm and beauty is a soul of pure evil! And not the good kind..." James paused in contemplation while Misty and Jesse glared at him. Ash had already started trying to gnaw his own arm off. "And after you've spent all this time on them, do you know what they do?"

"Walk all over you!" Brock shouted. >>

Toby: Not in my experience… (grins at Kitty)

Kitty: TOBY! Not in front of the others!

Suzy: Relax. We know.

<Meowth and Pikachu finished their conversation and started taking an interest in James' facts of life statement.

"Women are nothing but pain..." James continued. "Now Growly...he was a noble companion!"

"Take it from me, kid, chicks always dig Persians! Nothing but filthy Persians!" Meowth contributed.

"Why can't a woman be more like a Growlithe?" James asked. >>

All: Three letters. PMS.

(females stare at males funny)

<<"They're just so unpredictable!"

"And violent!" >>

Kitty: And of course, that's because violence is so fun!

<"And then," Brock was saying, "There was this nurse in Lavender Town...I think her name was..."

"Joy?" Ash sarcastically supplied. >>

John: See! Ash kinda knows what he's talking about!

<<"Yeah, that was it! Man, was she pretty...I think she liked me, too..."

Meowth sighed. "When are we going to learn?" He looked over at Pikachu.

"What is it, Meowth?" James asked.

"We can send Pikachu over as our envoy!" Meowth said.

"Yeah!" Brock agreed.

"We'll tell 'em who's boss!"

"Yeah!" Brock and James chorused.

Ash rolled his eyes. "This is so dumb..." >>

Cat: I couldn't agree with that 10-year old dim moron more.

<"Only a little," Jesse sighed. "You wouldn't believe the stories I could tell about James when he was...that age."

Pikachu reluctantly walked up to the two girls, his tail dragging in the dirt. "Pika pi," he said sadly.

Misty pulled him onto her lap. "Oh, are they no fun, Pikachu? You can stay over here with us!" >>

Fun Board: Boy, that Pikachu sure gets around!

John: And it's obviously male in this story! EW!

<>

Suzy: But Brock and Ash are still there! Who's the man?

<<"What's taking him so long?" James asked.

Meowth squinted ahead in the darkness. "Your stupid Jesse probably stole him!" Ash shouted.

"Hey, Jesse, you'd better not steal the pikachu without me!" James called.

"Let's make him beautiful!" Jesse suggested to Misty.

"Ooo, a Pokémon make-over!" Misty exclaimed. "This is going to be so much fun!"

"Pika?" Pikachu asked fearfully. >>

Toby: I'd be afraid too, Pikachu. A 12 year old and 17 year old doing makeovers on a rat…

Brock reached into his pouch and pulled out a tray of triangular objects made of rice. "What are they doing?" he asked. "Donut?"

"Make-overs!" James squealed delightedly.

"I probably shouldn't be so worried about Pikachu," Ash muttered.

"Will you calm down and help me think?" Meowth hissed at James. "You have to suck up to Jesse so we can get the pikachu!" >>

John: Suck up where?

Cat: Baseball bat, please? (Kitty gives it too her. Cat hits John over the head with it.)

<<"As much as I love Joy's innocent, helpful demeanor, there've been some great looking gym leaders out there," Brock said. "Like Erika, mistress of plant Pokémon..."

"She smelled terrible!" Ash said, glaring at nothing in particular. "And all that perfume...I couldn't breathe!"

"I just wish I knew how to talk to pretty girls," Brock added, thoughtfully chewing on his donut. "Oh, who am I kidding? I'm never going to get lucky!" Brock began sobbing in despair.

"Oh, it's easy!" James said. "Just follow the patented Team Rocket Babe Magnet Method!" >>

Fun Board: (James) It helped me get 'Lucky Lucky!'

<<"How do I do that?" Brock asked as Ash rolled his eyes.

Meanwhile..."Well," Misty said, blushing as she brushed Pikachu's fur, "I've always thought Professor Oak was kind of hot." Both girls giggled. >>

All girls: EWWW!

<<"Don't tell anyone this, but...I've always had a crush on Butch," Jesse admitted, giving Pikachu's blush the finishing touches. >>

All girls: EWWWWWWW!

<<"You mean....urrrrghhh?" Misty asked, doing an excellent imitation of a smoker's voice.

"That did sort of put a damper on things..." Jesse muttered. "Do you see my mascara anywhere?" Misty shook her head. "It looks like someone borrowed my mascara and didn't bother to return it," Jesse said in a loud and obvious voice directed in the general direction of James. The tube in question quickly flew over. Jesse caught it and began working on Pikachu's eyes.

"You share make-up?" Misty asked, wrinkling her nose.

"It's not like we have a nice gym job where we can take all the time we want and still get decent pay," Jesse answered. "All we have is minimum wage and unpaid overtime!"

"How awful," Misty said sympathetically. She tied a bow around one of Pikachu's ears.>>

Toby: Wouldn't that be empathetic? I mean, Misty does have a nice gym job!

<<"And not only are these stupid uniforms white, they're dry clean only!" She looked up from her work on Pikachu. "Have you ever tried to get a sludge stain out?" Misty's expression darkened ominously. "Sorry...I forgot. Anyway, James had to choose between eating and dressing so...he wore one of my extra uniforms until we could convince Meowth to use pay day a few times."

It didn't take much imagination for Misty to picture James in the female Team Rocket uniform. "What is the deal with that whole...umm...thing?"

"So what's the patented Team Rocket Babe Magnet technique?" Brock was asking.

"Patented Team Rocket Babe Magnet Method," Meowth corrected him. Under his breath he asked James, "Is this real?" >>

Suzy: (James) Of course it is! I attracted the Backstreet Boys, N*Sync, and a couple of Chanceys!

<<"Will it really help me get Joy?" Brock asked.

"Of course!" James said confidently. "She works at the Pokémon Center, right?" Brock nodded. "All you have to do is get a job there."

"So we'll have shared interests and something to talk about?"

"Not exactly. Now what would you do if a large, menacing Pokémon entered?"

"Hmmm..." Brock thought carefully. "Find out what the problem is in a calm and rational manner?"

James and Meowth looked at each other and laughed. "Why be calm and rational when you can panic?" said Meowth.

"It works every time!" James added enthusiastically. "With a little practice, any emotional moment becomes touchy-feely!" >>

Kitty: What would Nyasu say to this? Or Kojoro? Or Musashi? Or Takesheki? Or Kasumi? Or Satoshi? Or Yamato? Or Kosaburou? Or Mondo? Or-

Toby: Stop showing off. And Mondo, Butch n' Cassidy aren't in this story.

<<"Plus you get added sensitivity points!" Meowth concluded with a wink.

"Yeah!" Brock exclaimed. "I'm going to work at the next Pokémon center!"

"But, Brock, it's your dream to be a Pokémon breeder!" Ash said.

"Would that work?" Brock asked.

Before James or Meowth could answer, Pikachu returned, fully decked out. "Did you tell them?" Meowth asked him.

"Pika pika."

"Uh-huh..."

"Pi...kachu."

"What?!"

Brock and James leaned forward anxiously. "Well? What'd he say?" asked Brock.

"They brushed his fur and made him feel pretty," Meowth answered bitterly. >>

Kitty: Brushing a mouse's fur. BRUSHING a Mouse's FUR. How low can you go?

<<"Chu!" Pikachu happily agreed.

"Ash, you obviously haven't trained your Pokémon very well..." Brock scolded.

"I trained Pikachu to fight...not to yell at girls!" Ash protested. "Pikachu, thundershock!" he ordered, pointing towards Jesse and Misty. >>

Toby: Is that Pikachu's only move? What about something worth it, like thunder? Or thunderbolt?

<<"Ka," Pikachu said, shaking his head. At the sound of more laughter, Pikachu found himself being pushed back towards the female camp.

"...but that's not the real reason why they called him 'Little Jim,' " Jesse was saying as Pikachu curled up in Misty's lap again. >>

All: (Groaning) Oh, god!

<<"Wait," Misty said. "I've got better than that..."

Pikachu finally returned, this time giggling to himself. "Pika pika, ka pika, chu," he said to Meowth. "Pi chu, piiikaachuu!" he finally laughed.

"Meowth! I remember that one!" Meowth laughed. "What else did they tell you?"

"Kachu...pika pi!"

Ash was suddenly blushing. "Pikachu!" >>

Kitty: What is Pikachu saying?!

<<"Kachu," Pikachu said with a shrug. Then he continued his report.

"There has to be a better way to do this..." Brock said.

"And a less humiliating one," James added, noticing that Meowth kept looking at him and laughing. >>

Toby: Talking about the "Little Jim" story?

<<"You could apologize," Ash suggested. Then maybe I can get some sleep and start training again tomorrow...

"Truth," Jesse said.

"All right...how did Ekans evolve if it never wins any battles?"

"Rare candy. James and I have been stealing it from the Team Rocket break room for years."

"The break room? What happens when people eat it?"

"I haven't the slightest idea." >>

Cat: I wonder why this author named their web-page the 'rare candy' shop, then?

"...and you know why I was rejected that time?" Meowth asked. James yawned. Ash idly tossed a Pokéball in the air and caught it.

"Can't you just evolve into Persian?" Brock asked.

"I've got some rare candy you can have!" James offered.

"There's nothing wrong with me the way I am!" Meowth screamed, scratching both of them.

"Why?" Ash asked himself, feeling depression start to set in. "I think I liked Team Rocket better when I had to fight them..."

"Dare," Misty said.

Togepi waved his arms. "Gepi!" he cooed supportively.

"I dare you to steal that little twerp's hat," Jesse said, an evil glint in her eyes. >>

Fun Board: Somebody is doing my life's work for me! Misty, you are my new favorite Pokémon character!

<

"Fight me!" Ash cried, tightly clutching a Pokéball.

Brock popped a piece of James' rare candy into his mouth. "Other than cheap thrills, does the Team Rocket Babe Magnet Method really work?" >>

Kitty: Uh-oh. This can't be a good thing, if they mention him eating rare candy. The web-page is called the Rare Candy shop, and the author is rumored to be a sicko… so like I said, uh-oh.

<<"Umm...what do you mean?" James asked.

"Will it make Joy actually respect and care for me, or will she just think I'm a cross dressing wuss?"

"What are you implying?" James asked, clenching one of his fists.

Ash was just about to scream another challenge when he noticed that something was wrong. "Who took my hat?!" >>

Fun Board: I AM THE HAPPIEST MAN ALIVE!

"Why do you always choose truth?" Misty asked, starting to feel aggravated. She placed Ash's hat over Togepi, who chirped happily.

"Just ask the stupid question!"

This is way too tame, Misty said to herself. I've got to find a way to liven this up...Inspiration struck her. "What's really going on with you and James?"

Jesse blushed and laughed awkwardly. "What...do you mean?" >>

Kitty: Now the truth will come out!

<<"You know what I mean..."

Brock took another piece of rare candy. "You sure this isn't toxic for people?" >>

Suzy: I wouldn't be…

<<"Oh no," James said sweetly, holding out a large handful. "Here, have some more..." While Brock was thus engaged, James leaned over to talk to Meowth in semi-privacy. "Do you think I'm a cross-dressing wuss?" >>

All: Yes.

<<"No, I'm not that generous..." Meowth said, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, my manhood is being questioned!"

"Again?" >>

Cat: Huh?

"...and after the bicycle gang, we decided to join Team Rocket where we both still work today," Jesse concluded, grinning broadly.

"That's not what I meant," Misty said dryly. >>

Kitty: Just reveal the truth.

<<"What else could there be?"

"What about all the hugging?"

"We're just....easily scared." Jesse, trying to maintain her dignity, lifted her chin proudly.

"The clothes sharing?"

"Having a part--er, team member is a lot like having a roommate. Maybe when you're-"

"The hand holding?"

Jesse's face turned bright red. "I...I don't know what you're talking about."

Misty folded her arms across her chest. "In the cave with the prehistoric Pokémon! We all saw you." >>

Cat: Misty wasn't there. I repeat. Misty was not there.

<<"Is it too late to choose dare?"

"You know, you make a very attractive woman," said Brock, looking blearily at James.

"Thank you!" James replied. Then he turned back to Meowth. "Likes me or like likes me?" >>

John: No, no, James, Brock isn't gay, you are!

<<"I don't know!" Meowth snapped. "I only had time to read one page!"

James gasped. "You read her diary?" >>

Kitty: HER!

<<"You haven't?"

"Well..." James blushed slightly. "Just the stuff she wrote after the Pretty Girl and Disguised Pokémon Contest." >>

Suzy: James makes an attractive woman.

<<"I don't remember that..."

Brock ran his fingers through his hair. "Why don't we go somewhere?"

James moved away from him. "Is that your hand?"

"Maybe you should've saved that candy for that nurse of yours," Meowth muttered. "Hmmm...that gives me an idea..." >>

Cat: A Meowth idea? Uh-oh.

<<"I should never have left Pallet town..." Ash groaned.

"Jesse, I could use your help!" James called.

"Well, I'd love to, James, except it turns out I'm the devil!" Jesse called back. >>

Toby: Sound familiar, Cat? Remember, when the teachers all called you the devil?

<<"You tell him, Jesse!" Misty cheered. In a lower voice she added, "Now get over there and do it!"(Webmistress again. I can't believe no one commented on that line!)

"I didn't mean it literally," James whined. >>

Fun Board: Of course, you meant it allegorically.

<<"Maybe if I were more like a Growlithe..." Jesse added. Turning to Misty she added, "Do I have to?"

James jumped to his feet, removing Brock's hand from his leg in the process. "Just remember that I'm the brains and beauty of Team Rocket!"

"Not this again!" sighed Meowth.

"Ha! I'm the one with the adoring fans!" Jesse replied. She stomped over to where James was standing. Misty cautiously followed.

"Does he count?" asked James, looking disdainfully at Ash. >>

John: I hope so, if that's who I'm stuck as.

<<"I do so!" Ash said. "And I'm not your 'adoring fan!' "

"Look, you're both special in your own ways..." Meowth said diplomatically. "It's hard to say which one of you screws up the most, or makes a fool of themselves the most, or...">>

Cat: That's why I like Meowth the best. He's the smartest, and the Pokémon with the most dignity and… he's a freaking Cat!

<<"There's only one way to settle this," James said, pulling out a Pokéball. "Wheezing, go!"

Wheezing emerged, hovering in front of Jesse. "Wheezing!" it gasped.

Jesse pulled out her own Pokéball. "Go, Arbok!" >>

Suzy: You know, Arbok is Cobra spelled backwards with a K rather than C.

<<"Wheezing, tackle!"

"Arbok, bind!"

Ash, Misty, and even Brock's eyes widened. >>

All: How?

<<"Wow," Misty said. "I didn't know that was possible..."

"Wait'll I tell Professor Oak about this!" Ash exclaimed.

Arbok and Wheezing had hit each other at the same time. Both were now lying unconscious on the ground. "Just when I thought they couldn't be more pathetic!" Meowth laughed. >>

Kitty: Why do I think that Meowth really should be eating an apple at this point?

<<"Well, it looks like there's only one way to settle this," James said.

Jesse nodded. "Prepare for trouble!"

"Make it..." James started to reply out of habit, then swore violently. >>

All: OOH!

<"Ooops," Misty said. "Maybe we should leave..."

"No way!" Ash replied. "I want to see how this turns out!"

"A hundred yen says Jesse wins!" Meowth declared.

"You're on!" Brock said, taking out his wallet. >>

Toby: This is a side effect of rare candy, isn't it. Liking James.

<<"I'm with Meowth," Misty chimed in.

"Pi chu!" Pikachu added, giving Meowth a piece of money that he'd just stolen from Ash's wallet.

Amid the flurry of limp wristed hands, Jesse whispered to James, "What exactly is this about again?"

"You're mad at me because I obliquely referred to you as the devil and I'm mad at you because you've been posing naked for 10 year olds." James flinched as a flailing hand came a bit too close to his face. "And because you have emotional constipation." >>

Fun Board: At least it isn't another kind of constipation.

<<"What?!" Jesse's eyes narrowed. "The twerp already told you that he didn't take that picture...wherever it is now..." She raised an eyebrow at a nervous laugh from James. "And I'm not the only one on this team with emotional constipation, Mr. Fear of Commitment!"

Pikachu and Meowth could hear the mumbled conversation much better than the surrounding humans. "Piiikaachuu!" Pikachu laughed. Ash's brow furrowed. His favorite Pokémon seemed to have a vicious little mind underneath. >>

Cat: Just like the trainer himself.

<<"Is meanness contagious?" he asked Brock.

Misty sighed. "I hope stupidity isn't."

"What makes you think I'm the one with a fear of commitment?" James asked. His hands were starting to ache.

"You're the one with a fiancée!" Jesse felt another attack of Repetitive Stress Syndrome coming on. "In another town...who you never plan to see again..." Thank God. >>

Kitty: Once again, I must say… AHA!

<<"That doesn't count!" A rose appeared in James' hand. He threw it at Jesse, who batted it away with one of her paper fans.

"Wooo-hooo!" Brock cheered, still a bit whacked out on rare candy. "Slaughter her, James!"

James threw another rose which Jesse easily dodged. "I think Meowth's trying to make money off of us," he said.

Jesse snorted. "Not very much..."

"Still, we can't accept an insult like this,"

"Especially not from that little freak."

Ash continued to look skeptically at Pikachu. The Pokémon had made no attempt remove either the lipstick, blush, eye make-up, or nail polish. Well, maybe Pikachu wasn't wearing blush. It was hard to tell. But he was definitely wearing the rest. Wild theories began to spin in Ash's mind. What if Pikachu had spent too much time around James? Ash then remembered how he'd gotten into the Celadon City Gym. What if he'd been a bad influence on Pikachu too? >>

Fun Board: This author probably has seen Pokémon Scent-Sation 20 to many times.

<"Make it double," James added.

"Aughhh!" Ash screamed, clutching his head in his hands. "Now what did I do?"

"To protect the world from devastation,"

"To unite all peoples within our nation,"

"To denounce the evils of truth and love,"

Misty snickered. >>

Cat: Before Kit can say it… AH-HA!

<<"To extend our reach to the stars above,"

"Jesse!"

"James!" They both moved closed to Meowth.

"Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!"

"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"

"Me-oof!" Meowth suddenly found himself being roughly stomped on. "Fight them! Not me!"

Once Meowth had been effectively dealt with, James took Jesse's hand and began pulling her away from the general crowd. "Jessica, I think we need to talk." >>

Suzy: Uh oh, a full name.

<"I think it's a draw," he said sadly, thinking of the money he could have made. True, it was a piddly amount, but it was hard to get cash when one was with trainers who couldn't even win a battle against each other.

"Oh well," Misty sighed. "It would've been hard to divide Brock's hundred among the three of us anyway..." >>

Fun Board: No it wouldn't! Each of you would've gotten 33.33 yen! Well, you could each get 33, then the other yen Brock could keep…

<Ash looked hopefully at Brock and Misty. "Don't you think we should get going now?"

Brock looked at his watch. "Yikes!"

"C'mon!" Ash whined. "I've got another Gym Leader to fight tomorrow!"

"Ash, it already is tomorrow..."

"What?" Ash screamed. "You mean we just wasted...umm.."

"Three."

"...three hours here so you could whine about girls to Team Rocket!"

"I had fun," Misty said, yawning and stretching. Pikachu nodded.

Ash began thinking very dark and nasty thoughts, thoughts involving Misty, a large amount of cement, and the term "sleeping with the goldeens." Hopefully Misty hadn't gotten any stupid girly attachments and hopefully Brock would forget all that male bonding junk. He looked at Pikachu, still nicely accessorized. >>

John: Oh, god…

Fun Board: How can Brock male bond when he was the only male (besides Ash and the rat) there?

"Chu!" Pikachu called to Meowth, waving as the Cat Pokémon dragged Team Rocket's stuff off in the direction Jesse and James had gone. He then smiled at Ash. "Pika!"

Ash shuddered. Visions of the Salon Roquet motto and Ekans in a dress danced in his mind. "Brock, do Pokémon have short memories?" >>

Toby: And Brock would know… how?

As Meowth dragged the equipment through the darkness, he tried to prepare himself for the confrontation. They probably weren't talking about anything conducive to his health. It would probably require the standard procedure of getting out an ice pack and waiting for James to wake up combined with the especially important task of avoiding Jesse. He sighed. Unless they'd simply decided not to speak to each other after a brief relay of insults, obscenities, and hair pulling. Nothing was worse than having to walk two feet from James to tell Jesse to pass "the freaking donuts, you psychotic bimbo." If he relayed the messages with true accuracy, Jesse tended to swat them both. If he...edited it a little, James would stomp on him after Jesse had whacked James. Then there was the situation that required a crowbar...Meowth was completely supportive of romantic relationships. The only problem was that the one in question spent half the time in denial and the rest of the time making up for lost time. Meowth was understandably relieved when he heard laughter up ahead. >>

Kitty: AH-HA!

Suzy: That's it, I'm not going to do anymore of these as soon as this one's over. I hate these team rocket getting together fics.

Fun Board: Oh, well, Suzy. See you some other time.

<"So I told him about the Team Rocket Babe Magnet Method," he said. He and Jesse burst into another fit of giggles.

"Do we actually have one?" Jesse asked.

"No, I just made it up!"

"Yeah, that was a good one," Meowth agreed, sitting between them. "Especially when Brock called you a cross dressing wuss." >>

All: HE IS!

Kitty: Just not a gay one.

<James started blushing. "It...wasn't that great..."

"No, I want to hear this," Jesse said.

"I thought it was an excellent method," Meowth added, smiling at James. "I'm thinking of trying it out myself."

Being unable to blush any brighter, the nervous reflexes area of James' brain had caused him to start laughing nervously. "I think it might be too much of a...guy thing." >>

Fun Board: I though being wimpy was a females' territory.

Suzy: Where's the bat? Oh, here it is! (uses it on FB)

<"Well..." Jesse said, deciding to compromise now and weasel it out of him later, "what did Brock say?"

"He asked if it'd make Nurse Joy actually care about him or if she'd just think he's a..." James froze. "An insensitive jerk," he finished weakly.

"He's lyin'," Meowth said. "Trying to protect his secrets," he added, nudging James and winking.

"Oh," Jesse said, her voice suddenly cold. "How effective is it?" >>

John: I don't get it.

Toby: Ditto.

(that Ditto pops in, then pops out again)

<"Meowth, my favorite Pokémon," Jesse said sweetly before grabbing him by the shoulders and spitting in his face, "I want names! I mean, why don't you tell me more about this interesting topic."

"Don't get so excited," Meowth told her. James opened his mouth, half willing to tell Jesse and get it over with. "It's only worked once," the Cat added, turning to wink at James. >>

Cat: On who?

<<There is no way in hell James thought as Jesse's ice cold blue eyes narrowed in on him, demanding information. No way in hell...

Suddenly there was a flash of lightning, followed by an especially loud burst of thunder. Meowth was barely able to get out of the way in time. "W-what was that?" James said, clinging especially tightly to Jesse.

"I don't know..."Jesse said, doing the exact same thing. "M-maybe we should get out of here..."

"It's called the weather," Meowth said harshly. "Now help me set up the tent." >>

Cat: Smart little kitty!

Kitty: Thank you.

Toby: She was talking about Meowth! (finds the purse, uses it on Kitty)

Hunched over a piece of paper with a flashlight in his mouth, Ash looked carefully at his friends. They were already asleep. Ash breathed a sigh of relief. Brock might let him get away with this, but Misty...After a final check for personal safety reasons, Ash began writing.

"Dear Todd,

I hope you've been doing okay. Thanks for that picture of Jesse you gave me. I don't know how you got it, but wow! Is there any way you could send me a reprint? We had another run-in with Team Rocket tonight, but instead of stealing my Pikachu, they took my picture instead! If you can get a reprint, just send it to me via PC.

Thanks a bunch,

your friend Ash" >>

All: Okay…

Kitty: Sick little Todd. I will never play that game the same way again!

Toby: Snap? Oh, god…

<>

Fun Board: Ooh! Maybe Oak has nekkid pictures of his cheerleaders!

<<"Who?" mumbled Misty, shifting slightly in her sleeping bag.

"My rival!" Ash said. No response. "The one thing that stands in my way between being the best Pokémon master ever!"

"Oh. Though that was Team Rocket."

"No, they suck! Gary's been my rival since...forever!"

"Maybe you two should form a team."

Ash gritted his teeth. "It was close, but I learned how to ride a bike a day and a half before he did! Ah ha ha ha!" >>

Suzy: That's just sad. It's almost as sad as the time that John and Cat competed to see who could insult the teacher more-with out the teacher realizing she's being insulted.

<