As the ideas came, I just kept putting them down. In a way, this one is about as "real-time" as it is ever going to get. It was funny, because at the time I had one ending set up . . . then the day just kept going, and I had to change it. Well, this one'll probably go in the dark chapters of this saga . . .
You know what? It's impossible to listen to "The Freshmen" by The Verve Pipe without being touched by it. It's just such an emotional song - beautiful yet somber. Only inhuman weirdoes would be able to walk past it without thinking a bit about it. And no, it's not just because I've listened to the song about
five thousand times in the past while - it's more so it's been about
five thousand years since I last heard it. I dunno, I guess it's one of those effects like when you uncover a time capsule. All these old memories mix with the new, and you just kinda stand, dumbfounded, going " . . . wow."
So yeah, I'm kinda in a weird place now -
that's right, my basement. I mean psychologically; school's over now, so I have a lot of time on my hands to do nothing. I'll put it this way: I can sleep, watch afternoon crap on TV, or try to get my way through "Fellowship of the Ring". Once again, I'm in a lost place. I can't think for the world what to do now - likewise, the world can't think for me.
This particular morning I got a call from Pete regarding what to do with our newfound time. About an hour or so later he called again.
"Hey, so who've you called so far?" he asked me.
"Oh . . . yeah, I was going to call a bunch of people, but I got caught up in all this other crap, and . . ." Pete cut off my string of cover-up.
"Oh God man! If you aren't gonna call anyone, just tell me and I'll do it." I replied,
"I know, I know, I'm sorry. You know I suck at these things."
"Yeah . . . . . alright, who do you want me to call?"
"I guess just the regular guys?"
"Alright, I'll call you back after I do."
"Okay. Sorry again, man."
"Yeah, I know . . ."
Really it's impossible to convey it over a phone-conversation like that, but I honestly did feel pretty bad about not calling the peoples. I mean, I complain and complain about a lot of Pete's misgivings (behind his back), while I likewise do just as much of this crap to him. Man . . . a decade ago this never would have happened.
Back in the day we were like the closest two guys you'd ever see - the "friends since kindergarten". We did everything together. Hell, I would risk wrath of my mother just to hang out at his place just a little longer! Heh . . . . . I remember we did this thing; after it was about eleven or so in the evening, and I'd FINALLY go home, he'd roll a dice for me - the higher the number, the less trouble I'd be in when I got home. If you still aren't getting the idea of how close we were, check this out: we would go to the orthodontist together! We would get our teeth-fixing appointments at the same time so we could go together! I mean, sure it was probably more of a gas-saving maneuver by the parents, but still - it was cool.
Now I look at us . . . . . we've drifted a fair bit by now, haven't we? We just started eating lunch in different parts of the hall and with different people. It was just a gradual, gradual thing. We still hung out together and stuff, but we both knew it was going to hell more or less.
I guess the big one was the day a bunch of us were just discussing whatever with Pete's old girlfriend and some others. We somehow got to the topic of sexuality and orientation and such. Well, all of us were more or less saying that we were fine with it, and Pete added the extra bit,
"Hey, my best friend is bisexual." Well, as far as I knew that was not my orientation . . . I had officially lost the title of "best friend".
Well, considering everything else, I wasn't devastated by the remark. Like I said, we were hanging out with different peoples for the longest time now. I lived.
I guess the biggest hit to me was the day when he told me he liked Jody. If you've been paying attention so far, I'm sure you can guess why. Well, I'm sure you already know how that whole ordeal turned out, so I'm just gonna leave it at that. The point is I never really forgave him for that for the longest time. I mean . . . well you people've been reading this stuff, right? Yeah . . . . . like I've said before, my "locker people" and my "other people" came together as a single people . . . and I was lost in the ocean.
"Now I'm guilt-stricken, sobbing with my head on the floor . . . . ."
I'll put it in YET another way. Everyone has their own respective groups of people, right? In general, how do you "define" them? You do it in the general manner of "he's the funny guy and she's the weird one," right? Well, with the addition of more polar-ends, I kind of lost my defining bits. Compared to guys like Pete or Ricky, well, my wit lost out a fair bit. With outlandish behavior by guys like Tony, I'm a tame one. I lost a lot during those times . . . . .
The part I love the best about all this crap is that you can't really JUST tell them about this kind of stuff, right? And even if I did, what would it prove? Should EVERYONE be uncomfortable just because of me? Geez, I'd hate that! I don't want to be the guy that makes everyone feel bad! I want to be the guy that people can come to with life's shortcomings. I want to be the one that "turns the frown upside-down". As I think about this, I can't help but smile a little - I just described a friend.
"For the life of me, I cannot remember, what made us think that we were wise, and we'd never compromise . . . . ."
At the same time, I also realise that the so-called merger has caused lots of turmoil on others too. Fact of the matter is Pete and Jason have NEVER seriously been able to get along with each other very well. They just don't much care for each other. But yeah . . . not a lot you can do about that, huh? If people are serious in their beliefs, no one can ever change their minds.
Well, I had just gone through "The Freshmen" for about the 37th time this afternoon when Pete called back.
"Okay, so far I still can't get a hold of Riley," he said.
"Oh, that's no good," I replied.
"No, 'tisn't," he re-replied. "Hey . . . did you have something at your place last night?" If I were a cartoon, I would've turned all white right there.
"Uh . . . yeah . . . . ."
"Oh . . .
well, thanks for inviting me . . ."
"Yeah . . . sorry 'bout that . . . . ."
"Whatever . . . . ."
Right then and there I felt like the world's worst person. I didn't even think about it and I just totally blew him off.
"It was kind of a spur of the moment kind of thing, and I just wanted to get some people together I hadn't seen in a while . . ."
"Look, I don't care. I just feel really insulted that you didn't invite me."
"Yeah . . . you're right, and you should . . ."
"Well, either way, I'm gonna keep trying over on my side. I suppose you could do the same . . ."
"Yeah, I can do that."
"Alright,"
"Alright, see ya." After I said that he clicked off - rather abruptly too, I must say.
Now why would I do this, you say? Hell, I don't even know . . . . . actually, now that I think about it, I think I kinda do . . .
The main priority I was trying to get at was to take some people to lunch to a place I knew about. It was a small diner, with the guy's artwork on the walls and stuff. I recall I had brought the place up before with the "other guys", and we went once. After that, there was a day I brought the place up, and Pete shot the idea down wholeheartedly. But beside that, with the artwork in mind, I wanted to bring Gavin to meet this restaurant owner. Now I don't care what either of them say, they aren't on extremely friendly terms. I have seen it too many times before; Gavin's immaturity pisses Pete off, and Pete's aggressive demeanour rubs Gavin the wrong way. I REALLY didn't want to see that at a nice, leisurely meal.
Well damn - I can't seem to see a "right" answer here. Can you? Please drop me a line if you can think of a way for all of us to get by . . . I'm getting kind of tired of trying.
