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A Real-Time Saga:
Friend-by-Convenience


This excerpt is just me bitching again. If you must, please, read on . . .


I had just reached the point on the hill where your legs don't want to work anymore when a few kids on those damn scooters came down. Needless to say, they were all laughing, having a good time, making the most of life, yada yada yada. I just felt tired.

So yeah, I walked home alone today. What had happened was I had to stick around and meet a couple of teachers for this or that; I guess Tina couldn't afford the delay, so she high-tailed it (hmm, I wonder where that term came from . . .).

It was kind of a kick in the head, I thought. I don't know, maybe it's just because I'm currently blinded by emotion and stuff, but lately I've had nothing but like-incidents under my belt. Then again, maybe it's just me. But then again, maybe it's Tina.

It's funny, really. It's not as though I don't appreciate her being there when I walk home, or have the . . . company when I'm in line at the caf' - it's all the other times. The silence really is deafening during these times, and I try to shoot the breeze with her as we walk, but the fact is, Tina isn't a big small-talker. I can accept her preference of conversation, but her not talking is getting really uncomfortable.

What's even worse than quiet walks for long stretches of time, however, is when she does exactly what she has done today - just not give that I'm walking too. Well, she does and she doesn't; she's always gracious enough to ask if I'm coming to Safeway™ with her or not when she needs to pick up dinner for her night to cook. Who knows, maybe I'm just being stupid or something, but I never saw it as much of a hassle to spend an extra five minutes to hang out with a buddy (oh great, NOW I'm actually using the term "buddy"). But yeah, my patience is losing its Zen-quality . . .

And yeah, ONCE again I have to stress that Tina isn't a bad person. If you somehow picked her out to be one of those "witches-with-a-'b'" then you're mistaken. She's smart, more or less cares for her friends, and always sets a good example for others. She . . . just doesn't really like to talk a lot.

Really Tina isn't the only one, though. Everyone has his or her share of . . . personal failures under their belts (yes, again with that metaphor). A great example was a warm day in English class. I was sitting on the ledge under the window, writing my writings of whatever. I don't know, maybe it was my own fault for keeping to myself the way I did, but it just really hit hard when the first thing I heard for a long time was Jody saying, "Hey, Ernie can open the window!" I mean, really I was fine with opening the window (and she did ask nicely afterwards); it just bugged me how that was really it. No "so how was your day" or "what the hell are you writing now?" See what I'm getting at?

I was curious, actually, so I did a little experiment afterwards. I continued writing my writings as people packed up and got ready to leave. Well, the bell went, and to my (un)surprise, no one bothered to ask "hey, you comin'?" or anything like that. Well, I didn't really feel like being late for Physics, so I packed up my binder and left the now-empty room.

People have just been purely bitchy to me lately too. It's just the little things, really. In English class (again), I don't sit next to any of my close people. One day we were told to sit down in a seat we hadn't sit in before, and the seats filled up. This girl sits down next to me (since it was close to her people). I find it a little uncomfortable. I can't really have any friendly conversations with her (and I have tried - she's just too busy saying retarded things back and forth with her close people). Lately she's kind of been trying my patience. I don't much care for it.

Even happy-go-lucky Tracy snapped at me. Once again, probably my fault - it was still pretty harsh. Lately I took to calling her "Tayce" - just something innocent and cute, right? Well, one day she decides she's had enough.
"Okay, my name's NOT Tayce! Little kids call me Tayce. It's Tracy, okay?" My hands went up and back, palms open as I acknowledged in a defeated tone. I was just shocked at how angry she was about that. She was basically like a cat about-facing on me!

Regarding the above simile, that incidentally DID happen to me a little while ago with a neighbour's cat. He was rubbing his head along my arm as I petted him across the top of his neck and back . . . then he bit me in the arm.

I was thinking about my poor upper-arm when Sam "uh-oh'ed" me . . . . .

So do you have any new news for the committee yet?

Yeah, I'm feeling effing unappreciated right now.

Aw, that sucks. What happened?

Life is pissing me off. I'm getting that whole invisibility-syndrome-thing again, with everyone just . . . everyone's pissing me off right now, and I don't like having to be pissed off at everyone. It's not fun.

Yeah, that sucks. Oh man, I'm really in a bind too. Andrew was being all flirty with me during Italian class, and was still doing that all the way back to the lockers where I was going to meet Jeff. Well, Jeff already knows about how I'm using Drew as a pretend-bf to ward off the creepy guy, but things still got kind of tense.

Ouch, that sucks. Okay, so you have the real "bf" and the pretend "bf" and they meet each other. Yeah, I can see how that could suck.

Well, technically Jeff isn't my boyfriend, and I'm still sceptical whether I should ot not . . . . .

I'm just gonna cut out of this convo' now, because I think you get the gist of it. Even my loving cousin hath sold me out. Actually, she's kinda been always doing that. I have a problem that's really bugging me, and then she tells me her problems. I guess I could go on with mine, but we're both vying for soloutions to our own problems. I suppose I just figure she'll be able to do more with advice than I will. Still doesn't make me feel a whole lot better, though . . .

Yeah, that sucks . . . . . hey, I'd hate to do this to ya, but you know I have school tomorrow, right? Me thinks I should get there on time. I'll talk to you later, okay?

All right, sweet dreams!

Later, Sam.

I shut off the computer quickly and head back upstairs. By now my hands are also extremely cold just from being in the basement for too long in short sleeves. I walk into the kitchen to find something to eat or drink. Eventually I settle on some kind of hot-cereal-drink-stuff, and get the water boiling. While that happens, I try to find some food . . . and as per usual, there is none. The little package of hot-cereal-drink-stuff tears open easily (at least some things are) and dump it into a large mug.

Well, after enough time passes, I find myself lying on the couch, sipping from my hot-cereal-drink-stuff, watching The Tick™ on Teletoon™. As boredom and minor-depression settles in, I see my little phonebook. I go through the names . . .

Nope; nope; no; no; HELL no; no names here; uh . . . no. No name; no name; uh . . . . . I think I . . . no, it's 9:30 at night . . . I'd better not disturb her . . . . . wouldn't look very good anyway . . . . .

I put my phone directory away and just figure to hell with it all. I kill the TV, the lights, and make sure the doors are locked.

As I clumsily walk around, I can't help but notice how cold I am everywhere EXCEPT my forehead and neck and stuff. Actually, it's two things, that and the heavy feeling in my cranium wanting to crash me into the blue wall. Yeah, me thinks I'm sick . . . great . . . . .

The little movie I play on my ceiling as I stare at it in my bed is kinda hard to watch. A lot of it is just me moping about on my own. I remember watching myself going to my locker, watching the faces going by. I think I get one rising-eyebrow-thing from a guy . . . and yeah, that's about it. I kill the switch to the film projector (and no, it's not a REAL projector, it's just a figment of my imagination), sigh heavily to myself, and go to bed. Well . . . try to, at least.

I don't fall asleep until about 1:30 . . . . . but yeah, whadayagonnado, right?


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