It is easier to be a lover than to be a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty everyday than to say nice things from time to time.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?

Marriage is a lottery in which men stake their liberty and women their happiness.

What's the use of getting married when you can sit in cinemas and do dirty things with girls from lanes who don't care what they do because they already did it with their brothers.

Well, no, not married as such, but yes, there is a specific girl that I'm not married to.

Marry me.
No.
Please?

God, I hate that bitch.
You probably shouldn't have married her then.

If you're going to marry someone normal, you might as well get a cat.

We have a four-page prenuptial agreement signed in blood.

I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance; a church filled with flowers and friends. I asked him what kind of wedding he wished for; he said one that would make me his wife.

What else happens?
You lose weight.
You guys look fatter to me.
Hey that's muscle, jerk.
What about sex?
Oh my God, it's constant.
And totally spontaneous. Totally. No more date nights. Just pure adventurous experimentation until ya fall asleep in a spoon position.
You still look at other women though, don't you?
Why? You've everything ya need wakin' up next to ya day in and day out. My wife's panties just keep gettin' bigger and better.
You will not believe how close you grow to your wife's family.
Yeah. It's almost scary how much you look forward to the time you spend with 'em. I mean I can't wait for the holidays. Hey, I love my wife's mother!
Should we tell him the truth?
Nobody told me, screw 'em.