I work in a grocery store in the side of Rome, New York where people who make $20,000 a year think they're snooty and buy all their stuff (because we're is the most overpriced grocery store in town) while talking about their latest kayaking trip (most likely in their backyard creek.) These types of people like to think they're extra important and command extra respect among us lowly cashiers. They won't help bag or put things in the cart, but they'll be happy to criticize every move you make in your attempt to do it all for them in a timely fashion with 6 other people in line behind them. We also boast a large number of fat people on welfare, who come in with $2000 of foodstamps on their little EBT cards and buy 20 bags of potato chips. Then, on the way out, I hear them talking about stuff like how they're fat, how they're broke, etc. One person with the foodstamp card actually said something to me today about how she will never work and working is stupid and women should never have to work. Whatever. Anyway, these are pretty stupid things, but they are not even an icecube of the tip of the iceburg.

Everyone in my store does and says stupid things. This includes myself and other employees as well as customers. This is a short list I will be adding on to regularly as I remember things that have happened. Let me begin.


Guys seem to think the grocery store is a really great place for picking up girls. Normal people who hold this belief will attempt to pick up other girls who are grocery shopping. Not the people in Rome. They come to the register, wait behind 8 people in line with their 1 stick of gum, and go "Uhhhh, you wanna hang out sometime?" I had an even better one once. Some guy came up to me and goes, "What gives you the right to be so pretty?" I'm like, uh, give me some of what you're smoking, dude. What a bunch of morons.

Among the mannerisms of the snotty "I make at least 7 dollars an hour, so I'm rich!" people in Rome is one of my many pet peeves: people who insist on scanning their own membership card. It isn't so much that they do it, but that they do it while I'm trying to type things in, while I have something else waiting, when I'm not ready for them, when I'm about to open my drawer, when my drawer is still open... well, you get the idea. They do it RIGHT when it's going to mess up their order or my computer. Then they look at me like *I'm* the stupid one. My other favorite is the idiots who try to scan their cards themselves and can't get them to scan but insist they have, and the people who try to run their cards through the credit card machine.

Along the topic of membership cards, there are moronic customers who wait til peak time of the day to shop, buy three items, none on sale, and insist on spending 5+ minutes fishing through their wallet or purse to find their card, despite my assurance that there IS NOTHING ON SALE.

Tonight, I was bagging for Jenn (one of my favorite cashiers :) and she kept ringing up all the items but the one I was waiting for to complete my bag. So I started calling "Fork it! Fork it over! Fork that box over here!" and she turns around and looks at me like I've gone insane, and goes "Did you just say 'Fork the fork?'" I guess you had to be there.

For as long as I've been working at Price Chopper, two cashiers, Nadine and Kendra, have not gotten along. Apparently Kendra calls Nadine a slut and a whore and ditzy among other things behind her back. Well, today Nadine comes up to me and goes "Oh my god, I have to tell you something! Did you see the picture upstairs?" I told her I hadn't, and she told me there was a picture upstairs of this guy with piercings all over him and someone had written over the top "One of Nadine's boyfriends" and at the bottom it said "Kendra", which was crossed out, and then "HAHA". She went on to tell me she was so mad she crumpled it up and threw it away. After that, she started speaking incoherently, then choked like she was starting to cry and apologized, saying she was so mad she couldn't talk straight. I just burst out laughing my ass off. I felt kind of bad for her, but at the same time it was just funny as hell.

I have a lot of pet peeves. Let me tell you the background of this particular one. When we leave our registers to bag for another person, we are required to leave our light on to let customers know we are open. I always return to my register and call a customer over if any of the lines get longer than three people. However, people still just assume I'm there and sit and wait at my register while my back is to them for like 5 and 10 minutes. I kept telling my friends every day for weeks that one of these days, I would forget and leave my light on when I went on break, and the customers would line up and sit in that line for 15 minutes thinking I was coming, all because they were too lazy to sit behind one other person in line. Sure enough, last week, I was bagging for someone else when I was told to go on break, so I forgot about my light and my closed sign on my register. When I came back, my supervisor told me I forgot to turn out the light, and I silently wondered whether anyone had come, but I didn't give it much thought until tonight. Once again, a customer just assumed I was on register while I was bagging for Jenn, and when she was done with that customer she came over to bag for me. I brought up to her the fact that I had left my light on that night last week, and she burst out laughing and told me I had like 3 customers sitting in line for 15 minutes waiting for me to come back before anyone said anything, and then they were all pissed off. Well, how fucking stupid can you be to sit for 15 minutes in a line when nobody is at the register? I can't wait til I leave my light on after I leave someday.

Today one of the bag/cart boys came in with this giant inflatable striped snake, saying it had been floating over the hill towards the store by some balloons which had been taped to it. Nadine sat for 10 minutes whining "Shawwwwwwn, I want your snake, Shawwwwwwwn! Shawn! I want your snake!" You don't know how hard it was to keep from laughing.

One night just before I left to go home this couple in their early 20's (as in like, 20 or 21 tops) came through Jason's line while I was bagging for him. First the girl came through with a couple items, and Jason rang them up. He told her the price, which she needed repeated three times, then after she handed him the money, he gave her her change, which happened to be 69 cents. Just then, her boyfriend was coming up, and she turns to him and goes "Guess what! Guess what! My change was 69 cents! HEHEHEHE! MY CHANGE WAS 69 CENTS!" She then starts walking away without her bag. I hand it to her. The guy buys a soda and I think razors or something like that. He doesn't understand the total either. He hands Jason the wrong amount of money twice. He finally gets it together, so we think. The guy starts just walking off, without his change OR his bag. We hand him his bag, then he starts walking off and Jason calls after him asking if he wants his change. The guy comes back for his change, he and his girlfriend giggling like idiots the whole way. I finally spoke up and said "Um, I hope neither of you are driving, cause if you are, I think I'll wait a few more minutes before I get on the road."

I get at least two "clever" people a day who have to say "It must be free!" or something to that effect whenever something won't scan the first time.

Yesterday I was ringing up this guy and he thought this bag of candy was 1.99 a bag instead of 1.99 a pound, so he didn't have enough money to pay for it and we had to take some out. That in itself should have been worthy of a story on here, but it doesn't end there. My supervisor took some of the candy out and put it in a bag. She brought it over the podium, I guess to discard later. A few minutes later, I heard a commotion on the other side of the store. When I walked over to bag for one of the other cashiers, my supervisor walked over and gave a guy sitting on the bench at the end of the line a piece of the candy. I walked back over to my register to take care of some more customers, and when I came back over, a couple of the girls came running in from outside, where they'd been giving the guy some MORE candy. Then all the other cashiers were sighing and moaning about how cute and wonderful and (as I quote from one cashier) how "he's beautiful!!" Um. I got a look at this guy, and he was like, average. MAYBE. On a GOOD day. There was absolutely nothing striking about him. Then again, I've seen some of the other guys they thought were cute... My comment to them? "Oo, yay, it's a guy! We've never seen one of THOSE before!"

Today Jenn (a different one) and I were bagging for Nadine and Nadine was telling us how she went off-roading with Ted and jet skiing with Josh, and I said "Wow, Nadine, are you dating every guy in the store?" and Jenn goes "Yeah, really Nadine, what are you, the Price Chopper Ho?" I thought that quote *definately* deserved a place on here.

I had a really stressful day today. I wanted to rip a lot of heads off. I could go on and on for hours about the stuff that went on today. I'll start with something light. I discovered that Price Chopper is one big Wizard of Oz movie. The cashiers are people like the wicked witch, Glinda, and the munchkins, and the customers are Dorothy (that's the women), Toto (the ugly people), Scarecrow (the stupid people), the Tinman (mean people), and Cowardly Lion (people are are like "Is this line open?" when the light is on and people are in line and "Do you want my card? How much can I write this over? Is this okay? Can I do this now?")

I worked express today. Twenty items or less. Now, do you think the above-named "rich" people could read and follow one simple sign? Of course not. They were lining up literally one after another with 80+ items and just looking at me like "Okay, ring em up now." One of them even insisted on having them all double-bagged, and another wanted them all in paper. As if I can really double bag or use paper bags on groceries in a timely fashion to get them the fark out of there so I can wait on the good people who really belong in express. After the 4th one in a row, I was ready to jump up on my counter, rip down the sign, and scream "Okay, since we're all so SPECIAL here today, why don't we just make this line for the SPECIAL people and bring through EVERYTHING we want!" Swear to God, by the time I leave that store, there's going to be a customer WEARING that goddamn sign.

I had a real winner come in today with two 12-packs of beer and sits in my line when I'm not even there while I was bagging for Jennifer. The 24-packs were on sale. He wanted to know if we could substitute, my supervisor said no. My supervisor asks if the guy wants a raincheck, the guy goes "NO.", leaves the beer, and stalks off. So my supervisor voids out the sale, and I leave my register to go back and bag for Jennifer, and he comes back to my line and makes me come back AGAIN. This time, he has an 18-pack. I said "Um, this still isn't a 24-pack." and he goes "I know, but it's $9.99." I go "Uh, okay." and ring it up. It's $10.99. He has a fit. WHY do I get these people in my line?

I got yelled at twice today for doing a price check and putting away perishable goods for the supervisors. Really nice people. Then I got yelled at for bagging, because I supposedly had customers in my line (that I didn't see) for *ten minutes*. I don't think I was even away from my register that long. And what kind of fuckin moron sits for ten minutes in a line when nobody is there? And if my supervisor NOTICES there's someone waiting in my line and I'm not there, WHY didn't she call me over? "Duh, Hi, I'm a moron from Rome..."

Heh, I almost didn't catch myself today, I was coming up with a good song about morons from Rome, and I almost sang it out loud at work ;) Anyway, that's it for today, I guess.

I dunno, I can't think of anything else off the top of my head right this minute. I'll add some more later. I know Jennifer has a whole lot of good stories for this.