WELCOME!!! I am the Muppet Dignitary assigned to plan and execute the Muppet Revolution. You, my fellow Muppets, must help me to carry out this mission of mercy for all Muppets under persecution. Muppets have been the victims of many prejudices. We are thought of as trash, pets and possible catastrophic sink clogs. We are laughed at, ridiculed and kicked in the head by all humans who want nothing more than to destroy our little piece of their world. Well, the Great Muppet Council discussed it and came to the realization that we shall not stand by and let this happen. It is time for a full scale Muppet revolt! I was appointed by the Great Muppet Council (GMC) to begin to organize this revolution. Please, if you believe in your rights as Muppets, read on.
1. We shall be referred to at all times as Muppets. Not puppets, Not furballs, Not "hey bluey," and Not "here kitty".
2. When writing, the word Muppet should be capitalized at all times.
3. Hoboken, NJ (The most grossly populated Muppet city) must pass an anti-Muppet bashing ordinance to insure the safety of our kind.
4. Muppets shall be allowed to own firearms.
5. A Muppet's fur shall not be searched without a warrant, probable cause or prior Muppet consent.
6. Gonzo shall be recognized as Muppet Chancellor and treated accordingly. e.g. diplomat license plates, observer seat in the United Nations, etc.
7. Until the above right (#6) is followed, Muppets shall pay no taxes.
8. Great Muppet Scientists, such as Beaker and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, will be given credit for their ideas stolen by the American Scietific Association.
9. The S.T.S.T.M. (Society to Stop the Muppets) must be dismantled and reprimanded for their crimes against Muppets.
10. Muppet-anthropology programs must exist at most major universities.
FACT..........There are over two-million Muppets in the United States alone. Roughly five-hundred in The United Kingdom, two-hundred and fifty in Russia, two-hundred in United Europe, two-hundred in Australia, Japan, Congo, Saudi Arabia, Israel & Brazil combined, and three in space.
FACT..........Muppets account for 10% of the voting population and have no representation. Fraggles account for more than 40% of the Muppet voting population.
FACT..........Any idiot can make up statistics. 30% of all Muppets know that.
FACT..........In 1904, , "The Muppet Doctrine" was passed outlawing any Muppet Causes and calling for the arrest of any Muppet sympathizers. This Law was not appealed until 1993 by Sonny Bono, the first Muppet in congress.
FACT..........Muppets, at an average of less than three feet tall, are excellent warriors, waist high, and have very sharp teeth.
FACT..........The weapons of choice for the Muppet revolution, due to availibilty and preference, are cream pies, rubber chickens, white and green striped socks, and the letter "Q".
FACT..........Super Grover, whose alter-ego is unkown, has pledged allegiance to this cause and swears to fight for truth, justice and the Muppet way of life.
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Bert Is Evil---Anti-Muppet Propaganda
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