I've been watching too much Oprah and am wondering what will become of me if I fail to begin practicing "extreme self care." Apparently, I really need to start taking some time for myself before I get lost and numb and start sleepwalking through life like all the other mothers participating in Oprah's total life makeovers. This time for me, me, me is (according to Oprah's life experts) necessary in order for me to be a complete, grounded individual capable of living joyfully and finding true spirituality.

So, here I am. Alone at the keyboard while Jeremy whines downstairs with dad.

Seriously though, I've been wondering lately about the way I'm living. Having passed the six month mark with Jeremy, I'm starting to feel some subtle pressure from friends, family members and other new moms. I feel like I'm the only mother who hasn't gotten a babysitter and gone out on a date with her husband. I don't even leave Jeremy with my husband so I can go out and do something. What would I do that would be more enjoyable than being with my boy?

That's the question that has me wondering and gives me just the slightest twinge of self-doubt. What about this attachment I have to Jeremy? Is it so strong because my life was empty before, and he's just the latest thing I'm using to fill the void? Or, could it be that being his mom is, for now, anyway, my true calling? I hope, and I think, it's the latter because of the way I feel. I am truly happy these days, moreso than I ever really remember being on any kind of regular basis and I guess it's the consistency of mood that makes me think it's not a fluke; that he's not some kind of quick fix, allowing me to ignore what's really going on in my life.

Sometimes, I worry that I'll be one of those women who wakes up one day to realize that twenty years have gone by, her children are gone, and she has no idea who she is. Most of the time though, I don't care. There's nothing I'd rather be doing and what it really comes down to is that I tend to do what's easiest and what makes me happy. Right now, that means making sure I have the most well cared for, happiest baby I can have. I'll worry about the rest later.

It's summertime and the living is easy here in Pound Ridge. We spent Saturday morning at the pool in the town park and it was like we'd been transported back to some other time that only exists in t.v. sitcoms. The park was filled with families lounging on blankets and chairs splish splashing in the pool and having all sorts of family, neighborly fun. We hung out by the big kiddie pool and introduced Jeremy to some of his new townfolk. We got grilled cheese, hamburgers and ice cream from the snack bar, had a ride on the baby swing, swam, frolicked and soaked up the sun.

I'm thrilled about how nice the park is and I still can't believe we lucked out the way we did. I can't imagine a better place for Jeremy to grow up. I'll be spending a lot of time there in the coming months and I can't wait. I haven't been so excited about summer since I was a teenager.

When I haven't been hanging out at the playground, I've been a mother with a mission: meet some other moms. Sounds simple, but it's not. Far from it.

You get married, you move to the suburbs and you think your dating life is over. Then, you have a kid, go to a new mothers meeting at the local library and suddenly you feel like a lesbian picking up chicks at a gay bar. How do you approach these women? And which ones do you go for? Do you pick the moms with the cutest babies? Or do you go for the moms themselves? There are the ones who still haven't shaken the corporate look and treat their babies like business associates, the laid back hippy moms, the deer caught in headlights moms, the commando moms, I could go on and on.

I went to one of these library things and realized fairly quickly that the group had been gathering for awhile and most of the moms knew each other already. When the discussion was over and everyone started mingling, I was ready to just take off but I knew I'd never forgive myself if I left without getting at least one phone number.

Jeremy and I cruised the room, edging our way into various conversations and finally stopped next to the women with the friendliest smile. I started talking to her baby through mine and within minutes I had not one, but two phone numbers and a bunch of tentative playdates. After the meeting, I joined the group at the local coffee house for a mocha frappe and some more conversation.

A few days after that, I discovered a playgroup that meets here in Pound Ridge. Most of the year they meet at each other's homes, but during the spring, they meet at the town park once a week for two hours. I haven't made it over there yet, but I'm hoping to go tomorrow and I'm hoping even harder that I'll meet some nice women.

Today, I got together with two new moms from my childbirth class. We went to see a childrens' singer at one of their local libraries, then went back to one of their houses for lunch and play time. It was a lot of fun and we have a date for next week.

And as if that weren't enough, one of my oldest friends just moved to Chappaqua (yes, of Bill and Hilary fame) and I went to visit her and her four year old son and eight and a half month old daughter the other day. From her house, we went to visit her friend, also with a four year old son and baby daughter, who lives on a lake, and the whole herd of us went swimming.

In a nutshell, I'd say my mission has been quite adequately accomplished. Now when will I find time to do the laundry?

Tonight's the night. Again. After listening enviously to my two newly rediscovered friends today about their babies sleeping all night in their cribs, I've decided to give it another go. We're bringing the Pack-n-Play into the bedroom and after he's nursed to sleep, Jeremy's going in it. It's worth a try, and it'll be inches away from me so if he doesn't go for it, no harm done.

Jeremy's whining has just turned to crying, so it looks like my self-care must come to an end. I hope I'll find some way to start writing again on a regular basis (she says, again) but it's pretty silly of me to think that I'll have more time once Jeremy starts actually moving. Who knows, though? Maybe he'll like sleeping alone and will actually take naps without being attached to me. Here's hoping.