"It's not you, it's me." = It's you, all you.
"Does this outift make me look fat?" = We haven't been fighting enough lately...
"Do you think she's cute?" = We haven't been fighting enough lately...
"We need to talk..." = We really haven't had a big fight in a while.
"No, it's ok, go out with the guys." = It's ok, go out with the guys as long as you don't mind living with them too!
"Turn off the lights, it's more romantic that way" = I feel fat.
"Oh, I'm so full." = Oh, I feel so fat.
"I think I need to start working out." = I feel so fat.
"Hi." = I feel so fat.
"It's not the size that counts." = Size matters, ALOT!
"It's not what you have, it's how you use it." = God I feel sorry for you girlfriend.
"Well, I've made it very clear." = I'm thinking about it, why can't you read my mind!?
"He disgusts me." = I want him so bad
"He is such a jerk." = I bet he is great in bed.
"You're so sweet!." = Go away.
"I do like you, a lot." = Go away.
"Aw, that's so sweet." = If you do this again, I WILL call the cops.
"There wasn't much to my relationship with him." = We had great sex.
"We had nothing in common." = The sex was mindblowing.
"I am much more satisfied with our relationship." = The sex with you is horrible!
"You would never do that would you?" = If you ever even think I about I will castrate you!
"You're the greatest guy in the world." = L-O-S-E-R
What guys say, and what they mean.
"You're so great." = I really want to sleep with you.
"You're beautiful." = I really want to sleep with you.
"Hello." = I would like to sleep with you.
"I hate you" = You're ugly, but I wouldn't mind sleeping with you.
"I want you so bad." = I would really love to sleep with your sister!
Top ten signs you've been watching too much porno 10) You answer all your phone calls in your sexiest voice, just in case. 9) You're actually shocked when the female delivery girl doesn't have sex with you for a tip. 8) You expect not be slapped when you ask "bald or trimmed?" 7) You actually tell a female police officer an interesting use for her billy club. 6) After getting turned down by your secretary, you are bewlidered and reply "but you're a secretary." 5) You think all blondes are true blondes. 4) You have a credit card just for porn, that you maxed out last week. 3) While watching cartoons you find yourself thinking Minnie is just a big tease. 2) You try to fast forward your dates to the "good part." 1) You actually think your girlfriend ISN'T faking it.
Top ten signs you spend too much time chatting online. 10) You say things like "grin" and "shrug" in casual conversation 9) You excuse yourself to the bathroom by saying "brb" 8) When things get hot you whisper "I want to cyber, right now." 7) Your answering machine says "I'm away from the phone right now." 6) When talking to someone new on the phone you ask there "a/s/l/" 5) You try to pick people up in clubs by asking "what's your ping?" 4) You have stress dreams about typing too slow. 3) You introduce yourself as your screen name 2) You type faster than you talk 1) You feel alone without your keyboard
Top ten clues you're bad in bed 10) Your gf says "again!?" one month after the last time. 9) Your gf has "have sex" on her list of chores 8) You've ever accidentally awoken your partner when you collapse on her 7) During foreplay your gf finds herself a good book. 6) Your gf says "make it quick, my show comes on in 10 mins." 5) Your gf says "take your time, my show doesn't come on for another 10 mins." 4) Somewhere in the middle your gf has ever asked "are you in?" 3) Your gf decides to invest in rechargeable batteries to save money. 2) You think your size is "average" 1) Your a guy.
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