Thom's mind (from lauren's point of view)
THIS IS JUST FOR FUN. I wrote it in one of my classes cause I was bored. This doesn't represent that I think I know how Thom thinks, it's meant as a compliment because I like to pretend I’m in his mind, thinking out. To the best of my writing ability. That is all.
It was another morning of me being me again. With all the stories and reviews, I sometimes loose track of who I’m supposed to be. And I sometimes allow myself to be what they think I am, whenever I get tired of defending myself. I have to stop doing that; it isn't to my benefit. I end up regretting it later.
I threw up before. It’s becoming part of my everyday schedule, along with all the other uncommon bullshit. I’m so used to my life that I sometimes forget that not everyone else out there has to deal with anything of the sort that I do. That can be disturbing and/or frightening. If I see a billboard with my face on it, I find it that much harder to look in the mirror and brush my teeth in the morning. A quarter of the time, I’m in a good enough mood to deal with all of that rubbish because I tell myself that it’s really what I’ve always wanted. The rest of the time, it can leave me irritable and uncomfortable with my own demeanor.
And that's what leads to their stories and reviews. It’s sickening to accept how many people can function without any real sense of purpose. There are so many of them and so few of us. (But then again, maybe I am one of them). And that is why I threw up before (that and cause I had a bit of a hang over). It’s not that I’m sick, just that I’m easily sickened. I sometimes wonder if that makes me a weak person. But then again, not many people could handle my life style.
this is what I wanted. I am jack's tortured life. and after all, when I do take that stage, I am reminded of all the fantastic fantasies that I would have as a young boy. all the misconceptions of how ridiculous it all is. we all knew it must be rather bad out there, after reading all their stories. but now I’m on the other side of the people who write those stories and I now can witness it all. usually against my will; aren't I so lucky. (I must tell myself; "I am lucky, I must know I am lucky").
I make sure in my pathetic moments of self-loathing, where I become one of them, I don't forget who that really is in the mirror. I, too, have little bloody tissue squares on my chin after shaving. and I make sure I give respect to all of those people who show me how good it is to be a fan of a real person. they are what make it worth while. (even those weirdo people who bring a whole new meaning to "over-obsessed fan". as long as they remain non life threatening, they can be rather humorous.) and that is what I wanted.
So if you'll excuse me, I have to make it to the toilet one last time before I take the stage again.
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Email: radioquai@erols.com
