I'm feeling very positive about this online journal thing tonight. I've added an "exercise" with no problem, and I think I am beginning to be comfortable with all the steps. It certainly has been a learning experience. And unfortunately, Lyra hasn't gotten too much of her own writing done as she's been fixing my page.
The little journey into the past that I took today (see poetry and exercises), was very interesting. I spent a while trying to find that poem, and in the process read and relived the time around dad's death, and several entries over the nearly 7 years that Ma lived with us. I can write about the latter now, and even laugh at myself, and remember her with fondness. But, oh my goodness, there were some hairy times! Like when in total frustration, I said to DB, "Maybe I should just get a room at the Y". And he said, "Maybe you should." (I didn't.)
Those entries are a paean to why communication is so important between two people who are in a relationship. So often, he was so torn between his duty to his mother, and his feelings for me, that he would just withdraw. And I would physically withdraw by hiding in our bedroom every evening as soon as I had finished the dishes. Not a good way to keep a marriage going.
So, in retrospect, the Rose saved us. It gave us a goal outside of the situation at home. We worked together to get the business plan written, find a building, mortgage our lives away, and open the shop. For the first two years, we also worked together in the shop, and it was our saving grace. As angry as Ma was over this new change, we were able to concentrate on our shared goal.
Of course, it all went sour, but even when that happened (and DB withdrew again--not even opening mail for months), we managed to keep together. And we needed to; those were very dark days!
It's funny; I haven't looked at the Rose experience in that light before. Rereading the journals, however, showed me how close we were to losing this precious partnership before we decided to open the Rose. I guess I should be grateful for the experience!
Last month, I was preparing to train a group of teacher aides in brain development and I found a box of little 1 1/2-inch squares of fabric. I used them for an exercise to help explain neurons, synapses, and pruning of synapses. The students enjoyed the exercise of putting these little squares into patterns, then combining, etc. I had a good feeling about the Rose that day.
My journal journey brought up many ruminations on communication, fabric squares, and how bad things become good things.
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