I had to be up and at'em at 5:30 a.m., which may be why I couldn't sleep. My restless legs were the culprits at first, but then I just couldn't turn off my brain.
I think everybody who reads this journal knows I love my job. I waited many years to answer the call to the priesthood, and then 6 more years for our new Rector to arrive and give me the go ahead. So, when I talk about the "downside" it doesn't mean that I wish I weren't an Episcopal priest.
The "upside" is my actual ministry to the 4th Street Cafe' and to three nursing homes. I love the diversity of the people who drop in, walk in, as well as the regulars at the Cafe'. I've described the latter before.
Today's drop ins were interesting: a 19 year-old who was laid off from his job a couple weeks ago, and came for help with his rent. I had seen him last week, and told him if he didn't find a job, or have a hot prospect for one, I would help him with this month's rent. I told him I couldn't give him the whole amount, but I could give him "earnest money" to hold his apartment until he found a job.
He came in during the Cafe' today, and I suggested he have coffee and donuts with us until the Cafe' was over, then I could take the time to talk with him. He sat down and joined us. He's a nice kid, who has a lot on the ball.
The bi-polar young woman I've written about before joined us after Bible Study, and when I introduced her to the young man, I said, "He's a graduate of Job Corps and is a Certified Nursing Assistant." "Get out!" she said, "We need someone like him at the After Care Program!" She took him up to the Medical Arts Building right away.
He didn't come back to talk to me, so I surmise that he has a hot prospect for a job there. Wouldn't that be a wonderful thing for both of them? He needs the job, and she needs to feel she can be useful and help someone in need.
All three of the nursing homes I visit are enormous buildings and of course my parishioners are from one end to the other. I drag my feet going to them, but once I'm there, I am energized by enthusiasm of those who are still with it. They are all interesting people with wonderful stories to tell, and I love to hear them.
When I leave the nursing homes, my legs ache and my back hurts, but I sing my way home. I know I have brought something very important to them, and I know how much they appreciate both the company and the Holy Communion.
Now the downside: Robert, one of my favorite 4th Street Cafe-ers, is in the mental ward at our hospital. He left a message at his Assisted Living quarters that if I called I should try him at the phone at the hospital. I called him and made a date to go see him tomorrow.
He has been doing so well. I think I wrote last week how he was so much better. He was joining in with the group, singing the songs and adding to the banter. It was the first time in over a year that he actually sounded like himself.
I don't know what happened this week that brought him down again. I may find out tomorrow. Talking on the phone was not fruitful, so I was left frustrated at the end of the call.
And I visited my old sailor friend back at the nursing home where he has lived for the last three years. He had spent 3 weeks in the hospital with pneumonia. I wanted to see why he isn't well enough yet to come back to 4th Street Cafe'. He was glad to see me, but he doesn't look good. The pneumonia is gone, but he says he can't walk. I don't understand this because he was walking in the hospital in rehab.
I suspect he is just depressed. He has been fighting depression ever since he had to leave his apartment and move into this facility. Now, weakened from the pneumonia, he seems to be giving in to the depression. I don't know what to do about it.
When I was leaving, after giving him Communion, he said, "Say hello to..."and he named each of the regulars. I told him he HAD to walk, so he could come back to join us. I am saddened that he might let this depression keep him from a group he loves so much (and who loves him, I might add).
This week, one of my nursing home people died. I knew she was getting near the end, but still it is hard. I get very close to them; sharing Communion with them strengthens the bonds. Her funeral is this Saturday. I will help, of course, but it will be hard.
It isn't hard for her; she was in pain and having trouble breathing and communicating. So I know in my heart that her death is a blessing for her. But for those who loved her, it is hard to let her go.
This past year 10 of our wonderful elders have died. Each one was unique and held a place in our hearts. We are richer for having known them, but poorer for losing them. And now I see a few more failing in front of my eyes.
Every trip to the nursing homes is precious and a blessing to me. Even when the person I am visiting has completely lost touch with the world. One of my all-time favorites will be 101 years old this May, and the last two times I went to see her, she was in her own little world. I couldn't break through either time.
So there you have it; the upside and the downside. But even in the downside, I feel privileged to be a part of their lives and privileged to keep them in touch with the church. So although I am saddened today, I am comforted by that.
Life is good, even in the down moments. Thanks be to God.
Another night of restless sleeping. I tried the couch, the spare bed, and finally back to bed again for 2 1/2 hours of sleep.
next~
home~
~Email Me!~~ Collaborative ~
Archives ~
Spiritual ~