Helen Hunt Jackson
I read an article about women and heart disease that really frightened me. I have 6 out of the nine or so danger signs. It scared me into taking my slightly high sugar reading seriously again, and got me out into the lovely, crisp, fall afternoon for a walk.
I have so much trouble walking in the late afternoon; my legs feel like lead, and I am generally tired. Walking up and down all day in the old school building that houses our program is hard on my knees. Those tiles were laid right on the cement, or at least they feel that way. And there is a bit of a ramp half-way between my office and the main office that is hard for me to negotiate down-hill. I have to do this dozens of times a day.
But fear made me persevere, and I walked about one and a half miles. I still can't manage the two miles in the afternoon that I could walk without problems in the early morning. I am determined to do it, though, and soon. I think it is as much mental as it is physical. Once I am over the hurdle a couple times, I think I will be able to do the two miles regularly.
Of course, I have to undertake the intuitive eating program again. I'm already visiting my nutritionist regularly, and I will have to pay more attention to her advice. I did so well three years ago, but have back-slid badly. The real obstacle is to get rid of the "dieting" mentality. Obviously I didn't conquer that before. Can I this time? And just eat what I NEED to eat and make that a life-long program?
I was lulled into bad habits by the ease in which I brought down the sugar before. However, I never really brought down the upper blood pressure number to the level my doctor wants (the bottom number stays pretty safe). That takes much more discipline than I apparently had last time.
I have a grueling schedule looming ahead of me. I have to be fit for it. My first personal goal is to reach that two-mile mark. I'm not going to worry about the scales until I am sure I am eating only what my body needs and am listening to when I am full. Today I did that successfully. One day at a time; maybe even one hour at a time for a while.
I started out planning to write about the walk. As usual, I got side-tracked. So what else is new?
7:34 PM
Something wonderful happened this morning; I opened up my Yahoo E-Mail, and TWO lovely people had sent me "October's Bright Blue Weather". I have copied it into my off-line journal and made a couple hard copies. I always loved that poem, and find that I still do, maybe even more because I have experienced:
"When comrades seek sweet country haunts
By twos and twos together,
And count like misers, hour by hour,
October's bright blue weather.
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