Chapter Twenty-Two: Someone Screwed-up.
Kevin took it better than I expected. He slammed his fist into the wall, not me. This meant another trip to the ER, but this time I got to stay home and watch re-runs of Will and Grace with Michael. It seemed the thing to do.
So we sat there, or Michael sat there. I wasn’t allowed to sit up in the traditional sense. I had to be propped on pillows while sipping my lemonade. By the way, AJ makes excellent lemonade.
“You’re quiet.” I was just wondering what Michael was thinking about. Safe bet it was along the lines of “How in the hell did I get mixed up with this blond kid with a death-wish and those insane bandmates of his.”
“Sorry. I was just thinking.”
“ ‘bout what?”
“You.” He didn’t sound
mad, or even exasperated. He
“I’m not. I’ve had a really good time the past few days. Except for the surgery and ER visits, I mean.”
“You’ve had a good time? Dealing with my shit?” The man was a masochist.
“Not really that ....” “Then what?”
Michael turned and gave me the oddest look. I could almost see the wheels turning in his brain. Should he? Shouldn’t he? Whatever it was it was going to be good.
“Spending time with you.”
“Huh?”
“Nick, the reason I did this wasn’t that I wanted to pull something over on Kevin. I came because I ...”
“Yea?” I told you I was blond.
“I wanted to spend some time with you. I like you Nick.”
“I like you too, Michael.” Very blond.
“Nick,” Michael sighed and turned back to the TV. “I mean I LIKE you, you know?”
“You like me?” The bulb was dim, but the light was determined.
“I like you Nick. Since the wedding, when we met? It was .... just instant. I just liked you. And then at the hotel ...” At the hotel. Where he saw me naked? “... it just clicked.” Michael turned his entire body, sitting Indian style next to me. “And I hoped that coming here ... that you might start to feel ... what I was feeling. That maybe you invited me because you all ready were ... I ...”
Oh no. Oh God. What had I done? I wasn’t sure what to feel.
Scared? I was alone in a room with a gay man that liked me and
had seen me naked. Guilty? There had most likely been hits and
clues along the way and I had missed them. Exited?
“Nick ... do you .... think ...”
Sorry Michael, I don’t do that. Not ever. I’m no longer going to attempt a thought. They just get me in trouble. From now on Brain’s vote can count for mine, Kevin can make all my major life decisions and AJ can pick my girlfriends. Howie can take my calls.
“I need to confess something.” I’m not sure I’m ready to hear this. “I did some other stuff, stuff you don’t know about.” What stuff? “Mandy called again ... and ...”
“And what?”
“I made it seem like ... there was someone here ... not me! I didn’t let on it might be a guy, I ...”
“You what?” Damn the rules. I sat up and pushed the covers back.
“Don’t Nick! You can’t get up! I’ll call her, I’ll tell her the truth ...”
“No, I’ll take care of it!”
“Please ... I just wanted a little time Nick ... without interruptions. Without her.”
“Jesus.”
“I’m sorry. One hundred and one million times I’m sorry.”
How mad could I be? I had blown Mandy off, Michael’s call didn’t make that much of a difference. I had her number, I could have called her, taken care of things. But I hadn’t. I didn’t take care of things .... I didn’t take care of things. Well, more than one Backstreet Boy needed to face the music.
“I guess ... while we were pretending that ... you would stop pretending. I never was.”
“That’s some confession.”
“Nick? I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“It’s OK. I really upset myself.”
“Sorry?”
“Nothing. You haven’t hung out with me long enough to get Nick logic.”
So, instead of solving my problem with Kevin I had created several new ones. I had one with Mandy, one with my mom, a new one with Kevin, one with Howie (I hadn’t seen him that day. I think he was mad about my “go with the flow” remark.) and now a rip-roaring one with Michael. I faced him with the intention to trying to clarify my situation. That was my intention, Michael had his own agenda. He kissed me, and this time it wasn’t on the cheek. Right on the smacker. I was surprised, but that was all. Not grossed out. Not freaked out. But not excited either. Zip. Zilch.
“Nothing, huh?” Michael got it before I did. “Well, it was worth a try. Listen,” Michael stood up. “I’ve gotta go pack.”
“No, wait. Let’s talk.”
“Nick man it’s cool. You never lied to me, you never promised me anything. You were clear from the start. I was the one with the alternative motive, not you.” He started for the door.
“Michael!”
“Nick, it’s fine! Really. And you know what?”
“What?”
“There’s another lesson someone here needs to learn. Nick Carter, not everything is your fault. You are not always the one that screws up.”
As I watched his retreating back I mulled over his words. I’m not the one that always screws up. I’m not. I might have screwed up some of my relationships, but the others involved had done their fair share of it as well. I was not totally to blame. Honestly, I had never considered that before. Now I just have to figure out what to do with my new found knowledge.
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