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Gina W's Story

My Story-Lyme Disease,Babeosis & Ehrlichiosis

August 24, 2000 @ 10:40pm

It is way past bedtime for a Lymie (someone who has Lyme Disease). But I must finally sit down and write some of my thoughts about this illness that has affected my life so drastically. I do believe that one person can make a difference if they can perservere.

I hope that I can somehow one day make a difference in the Lyme community. All my life (life before Lyme) I believed that we all had a purpose here on earth, a way to give back for any good fortunes we have received along the way - family, friends, health, love, happiness ~ all the things that really matter.

Once I became ill six years ago I lost the feeling that my life had a purpose, even though I was happily married and had two beautiful children. All I know is that living with this has been the biggest challenge of my life. I now am trying to figure out what to do in the meantime while the world goes on around me, and this illness keeps me in my own little world.

This can be and is a very lonely disease. I am now since divorced, my ex-husband along with almost every one else thought there was nothing wrong with me. I have been to countless doctors in the last six years and no one could come up with a reason for the way I was feeling. I finally wound up with a diagnosis of Chronic Fatique Syndrome, which at the time and still today doesn't mean very much.

I became very depressed and tried to do my best to overcome my physical and mental inabilities. To say the least, it was a very difficult time. In between then and now I have had periods of time where I feel almost human, but the majority of the time is spent just trying not to drown in deep water.

It is hard for me to remember what it is like to feel normal. I am still very much the person I was before Lyme, but this disease is very debilitating. Sometimes the treatment can be worse than the disease. It can and will affect every system of the body - nervous system, brain, heart, muscle, joint, etc. It is an extremely challenging illness to deal with, especially in the respect that most times I happen to look ok. This is such an invisible disease.

I lie here tonight going over all the different ways my body and mind are affected, ie: cognitive problems-short and long-term memory loss, blurry vision, Bell's palsy (facial and body), extreme muscle pain and weakness, joint pain, sharp ghost pains through- out my body, neck and back stiffness, arthritis, sleep distrubance; the list seems endless and overwhelming. AND IT IS.

I'm not sure there has been a day in this last six years that I haven't thought about what is happening inside my body. I try not to focus on it, although it is scary to know what the extent of this illness can be. I am so glad that I have been given a gift of strength and optimisim to help me survive in all of this.

I am also thankful that I have been blessed with a special angel in my life that never doubted the fact that there was something wrong with me. That person is my Aunt Sharon, to whom I dedicate this story. I hope with this dedication I can make a difference in the Lyme controversy, like she made a difference in my life.

I can never repay her for all she has done for me and my children over the last six years, but I will always try and let her know how important it is that she stood by me. I am sure she helped save my life in more ways than one. In writing this I am looking for others (physicians, politicans, celebrities, insurance companies, etc.) to come forward and help bring an awareness and understanding to this complex and controversial disease.

I ask you for myself and my children and all others who suffer from Lyme Disease and are misdiagnosed (sometiems for years), to take a stand and come forward to help make a difference with this misunderstood disease.

Gina Williams
Revised January 21, 2001

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