Psychiatric Hotline

Hello! Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline......

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.......
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.....
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6......
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call........
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press........
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer......
If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.......
If you are phobic, don't press anything......
If you are anal-retentive, please hold.