There is no witness so terrible--no accuser so powerful as conscience which dwells within us.

-Sophocles

Chapter Seven

The sun had set long ago and Jack was not sure how long he'd been sitting next to Ethan's plaque. He'd come back when everyone else had left and sat down. He tossed his insignia in the air, catching it idly. It had not taken him longer than an hour to figure out what it was he wanted to do after he'd said his piece and it was just a matter of how he would go about doing it. He looked down at the silver lieutenant bars in his palm before he closed his fist around it again.

"Listen, I never said thank you," he said, turning his head to look at Ethan's plaque. "You saved us, saved me, and you made the ultimate sacrifice. If I had the chance, I would have switched places with you because that wasn't your place, Ethan. It wasn't your time. Don't ask me how I know. I just feel it in my gut. This wasn't right. You had so much ahead of you and Merla ripped that away...like so many other things. I wish that I had been able to save you because that was my job...you were the Crown Prince, you weren't supposed to die in that robot, not by Merla's hand."

"But he was, Jack."

Jack started and looked up at Allura. The Queen looked tired and drawn, but she managed a small smile for him. She sat down next to Jack without asking if she could, resting her elbow on her bent knee.

"The first night we were back together, Keith told me that it had been Ethan's destiny to be in Shadow Voltron that day," she said. "It took me a while, but I realize now that he's right. I know what you're feeling right now. You can't help but ask yourself if you could have done something different to prevent this outcome. Trust me, you did what was best...I was there. I saw it. Ethan would not have let you fly Shadow Voltron because he knew only he could and even if you had ordered him to, he would have disregarded that order. It was his gift, his talent with the magic that made it necessary. He was the only one powerful enough who could defeat Merla at her own game. He knew that and deep down, you know that."

"He didn't have to die," Jack said stubbornly.

"No...but then who really deserves to? Especially during times like these. That's the most difficult part of command, Jack...learning to let go of the blame."

"I'm not blaming anyone."

"You're blaming yourself."

"That goes without saying."

Allura opened her mouth to argue but then she shut it.

"And I blame myself for putting you in this position," she said quietly.

Jack smiled humorlessly and stood. He tossed his insignia in the air one last time before heaving it into the lake. It made a barely audible splash and he watched it until the ripples disappeared, getting some sense of satisfaction in it. She was shaking her head in disbelief when he sat back down with a smug smile.

"It was a long time coming," he said.

"Yours is one of many at the bottom of that lake," she said.

"I'm leaving, Aunt Allura," Jack said after a beat of silence.

"Where are you going, Jack?"

"I don't know yet. I just know that I can't be here for a little while."

Allura nodded.

"Have you told your parents?" she asked.

"Not yet."

"Bethie?"

"No. You're the first."

"Anything you need, just let me know."

"I will."

Jack gave her a tight hug.

"I'm sorry about Ethan," he said tightly.

Before Allura could respond, he broke away and stalked off, his head bowed and his hands shoved in his pockets.

Lance sat in Keith's study with a bottle of ale in his hand and his head tilted back on the backrest. His eyes were closed and his expression was weary. Link was somewhere in the castle but he had wanted some time to himself before putting up a strong front again for his wife. He heard the doors slide open but he didn't open his eyes. He just held out the bottle in his hand and it slid out of his grasp.

"Tough day today, Your Royal Highness," he said but his voice was gentle.

Keith sat down hard in his armchair, took a long pull of ale and sighed.

"Listen, Keith..." Lance started.

"We were never good at this stuff, Lance," Keith said. "It's alright."

"No, no. Let me. Keith...I'm sorry. Ethan was a great kid and...damn. It wasn't fair."

"This whole thing wasn't fair."

Lance leaned forward on his knees, his eyes on Keith's face. His friend looked older and there was a set to Keith's mouth that saddened Lance. He was not so sure if he would have reacted differently if he lost one of his sons and the near loss of Jack had emptied him. Both times. He could not imagine what it was like for Keith and Allura to not have a body to bury, when being just an uncle and not a parent, it unsettled him. But they did what they could, tried to bring closure for all of them with the memorial.

"It was nice today," Lance said. " What you did. Ethan would have liked it."

"I hope so," Keith said. "He was something else, wasn't he? My boy."

Lance smiled sadly.

"Yeah, he was," he said. " don't think we'll meet anyone more selfless in our lives."

"I know. I wouldn't have expected less from him."

"Me, either, because he learned from you."

Keith rubbed his eyes.

"I gave Sven my resignation today," he said. "He didn't look too surprised, but I think he was a little hurt."

"Well, it's kinda like you're quitting the club that he's president of," Lance said.

"It was hard, even after all that's happened, to end it all. I've been in the IAF for so long..."

"Yeah and what did it get you?"

"Well, a wife and a family for one thing."

"Don't go giving them credit for that. It was a fluke that you landed on this rock and it was punishment, remember? For something that you only thought was the right thing to do."

"Allura wants to leave the Alliance."

"I don't blame her," Lance said. "What do you want to do?"

Keith put the bottle down on the table next to him.

"I just want to lock myself in here and keep the world out for a little while longer," he said.

Lance leaned back in his seat, stretched his legs out.

"Let's give it a try then," he said easily.

Keith slid a faintly amused look at him but Lance could see the gratitude in his eyes.

"Alright," Keith said.

And he was still tired.

Running a hand through his hair, he got up and immediately wanted to lie back down. It took a lot of will power to change his clothes and leave the comfortable darkness of the room, but today was his chosen day of departure and he didn't want to waste anymore time. His bags were packed and he'd explained what he was doing to his parents. They had protested and argued, but in the end, they understood that he needed to go, needed to find some peace for himself from the chaos that was still going on inside his mind. They'd said their goodbyes the night before and he didn't want anyone there when he left. It would make leaving that much harder and he didn't need that.

He was at the doorway when he slipped on something under his boot. Kneeling, he saw that it was an envelope from the Queen of Arus' desk. He opened it and found a short note as well as an access keycard and a small black object with a silver lion head on it. It was something he'd seen before, for his father had a red one.

Jack,

I'm going to miss you but I know why you have to leave this place. Just know that we'll be here for you when you're ready to come back. Enclosed is the key to the fighter I gave Ethan after he punched some paparazzi in the face. I was so proud of him that day just like I'm proud of you...you did good even though you find that hard to believe now. The other thing is a penknife from Uncle Keith. He said that you would understand. Take care of yourself and come back soon.

Aunt Allura.

He was close to tears, but he would not let them fall. Jack pocketed the keycard with half a mind to return it but it meant so much to his aunt to give it to him and he did not want to hurt her any more than he already had. The penknife he kept in his hand. He flipped the blade out, studied it in the light. It was a nice piece of craftsmanship but he knew Keith had not bought it for its quality...this was a memento. Slipping it into his pocket, he thought of the one his father had, the ones each his uncles had and knew that he was now part of their brotherhood.

He turned to the three bags he'd readied, settling one strap across his chest and picking the other two up. Ignoring the interested glances that staffers were throwing in his direction, he made his way to the docking bay where the shiny black fighter was already prepped and ready to go. A crooked smile creased his face for a moment as he took it in, imagined the feel of the controls under his hands. Ethan had spent many happy hours in it and that was a memory that Jack was not afraid of. If there was something he needed, it was to remember happier times.

"Were you even going to say goodbye?"

The voice had haunted his dreams and out of everyone, it was those pair of eyes that he feared the most. To see judgment in Bethie's eyes would break him and so he turned slowly to meet her gaze. But there was no judgment there, just hurt that he was about to leave without a word to her. She was dressed for the official ceremony that day, in a long black dress that covered her from neck to foot. Her hair was swept back from her face by a simple black band and she was paler than he'd ever seen her. She was a woman in mourning. She looked the part.

Dropping his bags, he reached out and took her into his arms, holding her tight. She clutched at him, her hands grabbing his flightsuit and her tears hot against his shoulder.

"You idiot," she said. "How can you leave now?"

"I have to," he murmured against her hair. "I'm sorry that I'm leaving when you're about to start something new and exciting in your life, but...I wouldn't be good company, Bethie."

Bethie pulled away and cupped his face in her hands. She looked deep into the gray depths of his eyes, saw the emptiness and pain there and wanted so badly to make it disappear. She looked at him, at the droop to a mouth that had only known smiles before, and knew that she'd lost the carefree, laughing friend of her childhood--but she wanted to get to know this man he'd become too. He gripped her arms tightly, pulling her close so that he could press a kiss to her forehead.

"Why do you even have to go?" she asked.

He shook his head, broke eye contact with her because he couldn't take it.

"I just have to get away for a little while. I need space and I just need some time to myself. It was too much for me, Bethie. All of it. It was too much and I didn't realize it would hit me this hard."

"It was too much for all of us, Jack..."

"I flew the Black," he said, knowing she'd understand.

She did and she nodded, wiped at her cheeks with her bare hands.

"I didn't realize...I'm sorry I should have been there for you," she said. "I was your second-in-command..."

"No more blame," he said. "Just let me do this. I'll come back someday. Maybe sooner than you think."

"Where will you go?"

"I don't know," he said. "Somewhere where I can just be."

"You'll write?"

He smiled then.

"I'm going away for a while, not breaking up with you."

She gave a short laugh at that. Reaching up, she brushed a lock of chestnut brown hair from his forehead tenderly.

"I love you, Jack. Don't be gone too long."

His smile turned sad and he put a hand against her cheek.

"I love you too, my Bethie. Take care of yourself and the baby, alright? I want pictures when he finally shows up."

He hadn't called her that in a long time and hearing it again made her want to cry again.

"You'll get them," she promised.

He nodded and turned away, not wanting her to see his hurt. He picked up his bags and without another look, disappeared inside the ship. The door closed behind him and Bethie stayed rooted to the spot, not wanting to leave until he was gone. She listened as the engines powered up, imagined him waving to her inside the darkened cockpit, and watched as the ship hovered for a second, pointed its nose at the open doors and shot away.

"Goodbye," she whispered and her heart broke.

the legend will continue...

Comments? Questions? Email rayne21582@hotmail.com
To Final Curtain: Chapter One
To Black Arus 2