"I have had enough. This whole experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can't stomach any more. I feel as if I am getting the shaft, that this ugly matter has come to a head and blown up in myface.
"This may be a load to handle, but when things are hard, that is when I am at my best. I have faced hard things in the past, and I know what is coming. I will meet the challenge the only way I know how: head-on. "I have licked bigger things than this before, and I will again.
No one will ever be able to say that Monica Lewinsky isn't a finisher, that she quit before the job was done. I will work nonstop and fight this, blow by blow, until I am wiped clean of this dirty affair.
I will not be stained by it.
"Thank you."
Monica Lewinsky
MISS LEWINSKY's RESUME AS EVIDENCE
The federal attorneys disclosed to the courts an
unprecedented fact-finding case mounted against the nation's
President. Much of the evidence was trivial compared to the
notorious dress which Monica Lewinsky wore that contemptuous
evening. However, this wasn't the only controversial evidence
brought forth in this case. Another was Miss Lewinsky's resume.
Among her stately OBJECTIVES, EDUCATION, and HOBBIES, Monica's
EXPERIENCE was quite impressive!
It read, "Worked Presidential Balls".
CLINTON SPECIAL EDITION
THE INTEROGATION
Did you grope her
I did not do that
I did not do that
Did you smile?
And did you tell
I do not like you
I will not answer
The public's easy
*********
Q: How does Bill Clinton teach a woman to golf?
"One thing's for sure about Clinton...
Q: Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier?
*********
After the scandal is over, Monica will have to decide on a career path.
It has been determined that she is a "shoein" for those milk mustache
ads
*********
Sears is making a tool in honor of Bill Clinton....the
Clinton driver...screws everything guranteed.
Clinton's Alibi: "Well my first marriage was only in beta...."
*********
MORE WHITE HOUSE FUNNIES
On second thought, they decided a sofa would be
more appropriate.
- written by Bob Castro
********
There's a new Bill Clinton computer
coming out soon, it will have a six
inch hard drive, but no memory.
********
Five of our Presidents: Ford, Reagan, Carter, Nixon
and Clinton were on a ship that hit an iceberg.
Ford screamed, "What should we do?"
Reagan said, "Man the lifeboats!"
Carter said, "Women and children first!"
Nixon said, "Screw the women and children."
Clinton said, "Do you think we have time?"
- Submitted by Marc Cramer
-------------------------------
Now that Monica is ready to move on with her
life, she has now put togeter a new resume (CV) so
she can go out hunting for a job. Unfortunately, she never
expected that her resume would be held against her as eveidence.
- Submitted by ???
------------------------------------
Since President Clinton is testifying today, we felt that
we wanted to give all of our joke members some highlights
of the scandal. Some of these are new, some of these have
become recent classics
- Submitted by Sheffie Kadane
"STARR I ARE -- a newly discovered tale of Dr. Seuss"
------------------------------------------------
I'm here to ask
As you'll soon see --
Did you grope
Miss Lewinsky?
In your house?
Did you grope
Beneath her blouse?
Here or there--
I did not do that
Anywhere!
Near or far --
I did not do that
Starr-You-Are.
Did you flirt?
Did you peek
Beneath her skirt?
the girl to lie
When called upon
To testify?
Starr-You-Are --
I think that you
Have gone too far.
Any more --
Perhaps I will go
Start a war!
To distract --
When bombs are
Falling on Iraq!
A: He starts with the irons and ends up in the woods.
He sure doesn't neglect domestic affairs!"
A: To promote off-shore drilling
========================
Given her recent notoriety, the university where
Monica Lewinsky went to has just decided that they
were going to endow a chair of political science
in her honor.
