It rained a lot today. Jonathan was so late for dinner, I chucked the whole thing and we ordered a pizza.
July 27, 1975
Freeway barfed all over the kitchen floor today. I think I am going to start getting him that special food the vet is always talking about. Not that much happened today.
July 28, 1975
I woke up this morning and the sun shone through the window, casting shadows on the wall beside my bed. I danced out of bed to the song the birds were singing, opened my window, and breathed in air so fresh it cleaned all the...
oh hell i’m no writer forget this
Okay, It’s August 10, 1975
I started this journal because Jonathan said that he was toying with the idea of doing a thing where Hart Industries would bury a time capsule to be opened in the year 2100. He said he wanted me to put down my thoughts and experiences so people could get to know me 125 years from now. He said it would be like creating something that
would live on long after I bit the dust.
I tried writing this thing before, but it didn’t work out so good, so Jonathan gave me this little mini tape recorder, so all I have to do is talk into it. My friend June is a court reporter, and she said she would type it all up for me. Hi June!…[Hi Maxidoodle!]
So anyway, maybe this’ll work out better. A funny thing did happen today. Oh wait, someone is ringing...
Is this thing on? Um, it’s August 11, 1975
I hope this thing is on. I saw Jonathan cooking today for the first time I can remember. He had a business associate over to the house for an informal business meeting. Well, I figure this guy must have something Jonathan really wants, ‘cause I come out to make a sandwich, and there is Jonathan in the kitchen cooking…something. I’m not
sure what it was. It smelled like something died. And the guy was sitting there at the kitchen table making notes or something. So anyway, Jonathan introduces me to this guy…it was nice by the way, he introduced me as his "friend and mentor"…and the guy barely looks up from his notes. "Nathaniel" something. I never seen a guy with so many
monograms. The guy has three monograms on one shirt, one on his pocket and one on each cuff.
Anyway, I rescued the dinner and we all had a nice meal. So the guy, Nathaniel, starts showing us pictures of his new baby daughter. I was tempted to ask him if he had her monogrammed yet, but I figured I better keep my trap shut.
I think Nathaniel and Jonathan are still out there hammering out their deal as I speak. I hope Jonathan gets this deal, ‘cause I had to sit through more baby pictures and baby stories than any man should have to. I’m going to bed. I hope I don’t have nightmares of dirty diapers.
Today is, uh….August 14, 1975
Jonathan’s real depressed tonight. Turns out that Nathaniel bum wasn’t really interested in making a deal with Jonathan. He just wanted to get an offer from Jonathan that he could use to get a better offer from the guys he really wanted. I told Jonathan he ought to gut that [Maxidoodle, I can’t quite make out what you said here, but I have a
pretty good idea what it was! Next time we take a bath, I’m gonna wash your mouth out!]
Jonathan said it was okay, just business, but I could see it bugged him. Jonathan said he want to invite the jerk over for dinner again so I could make him some of my famous chili. Hmmmm… I hope I don’t "accidentally" make it triple-strength.
Jonathan seems down these days. I don’t know what to do for him. Oh, gotta go.
It’s August 17, 1975
Jonathan is still depressed about that deal from the other day. Or maybe it’s something else, I don’t know. I think I’m warming up to this journal thing. The tape recorder was a good idea. I hope your fingers aren’t getting too tired, June [You know me Maxi, my fingers would never get tired where YOU’RE involved].
I tried to get Jonathan’s attention on something else, and I think it worked a little bit. There was a Three Stooges marathon on cable tonight, and we watched it for three hours. I haven’t seen him laugh so much in a long time. I tried to talk him into investing in cable television, ‘cause I think it’s gonna be a big thing someday, but
Jonathan doesn’t think people would pay to watch television.
I’m thinking about investing some of my money in it. I may not have any ideas about transistors, but I think I know a little something about what people want.
There are a few things even Jonathan doesn’t know about me.
It’s August 22, 1975
Jonathan seems to have perked up these last few days. He hasn’t said anything, so it can only be one of two things: a new deal or a new dame. He walks around the house humming…oh, he’s calling me…coming, Mr. H! Gotta go.
Today is… August 25, 1975
I haven’t taped anything in a few days ‘cause this stupid recording machine has been giving me trouble. I think I got it working again.
When I was trying to fix this thing, I went back and listened to some of the stuff I recorded before. It’s funny, this thing started out like it was supposed to be about me, and I mostly talked about what was going on with Jonathan.
Let’s see, what’s going on with me….I took Freeway out to this big dog park today. As far as the eye could see were people walking their dogs. I was sitting on a bench while Freeway laid like a lump on the ground beside me. So I’m sitting there enjoying a cigar, and this girl, young enough to be one of my daughters, comes up to me and asks if I had an extra cigar. She wanted to smoke the damn thing. I told her that a smelly cigar hanging out of a young girl’s mouth was very unlady-like.
So she plops herself down on the bench beside me and asks me how come I can smoke a smelly old cigar and she can’t. I figure she ain’t gonna quit til she gets her way… she’s a dame after all…so I finally give her a cigar, and she lights the thing up, and she’s puffing away on it like a pro for a minute. I started thinking like she knew what
she was doing…but then she inhaled it. If I tell you, this kid started coughing and wheezing…I thought I was gonna hafta call an ambulance.
So finally she catches her breath. So after all this mishigoss, this young girl – must be in her twenties - asks me if I would like to take her to dinner some time.
I haven’t decided where I’m taking her yet. Heh heh, lucky thing you’re a modern woman, eh June. [Yes, Maxwell, "heh heh."]
Today is August 26, 1975
I think I need a vacation. I DEFINITELY need a vacation.
Uh, August 27, 1975
Jonathan’s away. I decided to sit this one out.
I never did find out why he was on such a high a while back, but things are back to normal. I never really noticed it before, but I think I’m starting to see kind of a melancholy in Jonathan. I’m starting to wonder if that’s why he jets around so much doing all this crazy stuff. He’s already got more money than he could spend in twenty lifetimes. I don’t know…I wish he‘d find the right woman, already. He ain’t no spring chicken anymore. Maybe then he’ll go to work in the morning, come home for dinner, and watch TV then go to sleep like a normal person. Hopefully she’ll be able to cook. I love cooking, don’t get me wrong, but I could use a break.
It’s September 4, 1975
Here we are again. It’s been a whole week since Jonathan’s been on an adventure, so off we go to Philadelphia. I needed a vacation, but I was thinking more along the lines of a sunny beach somewhere…I hear that nude beaches are the big thing now. Unfortunately, there ain’t no beaches in Philadelphia.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Jonathan like a son, but whenever we go on these business trips, people treat me like I’m invisible. Everyone knows Jonathan’s face, and as soon as they see him, I kinda fade into the woodwork. I might as well be the rack he hangs his coat on. I go with him because I know he needs me, but sometimes I think I would be
just as happy to stay home and go out playing poker every night with the guys.
It ain’t easy being an ordinary guy standing next to Superman all the time. I’m not complaining, don’t get me wrong. Gotta go.
It’s September 7, 1975
Okay, I take it back, I’m glad we came to Philadelphia. I dragged Jonathan away from business for a few hours and we took in a Philly’s game. As soon as they saw Jonathan, they put us in the press box. I caught a Mike Schmidt foul ball. Actually, I kinda saved Jonathan’s life ‘cause that foul ball was heading straight for his head, and he was turned
away talking to this young lady. And if that ain’t enough, they let us into the locker room after the game and I got Mike Schmidt to autograph it. THIS is going on the mantle.
It’s…September 10, 1975
Home at last. Jonathan made more money in the last two days than a lot of people make in a lifetime, and he still doesn’t seem happy. You know, I used to think he was trying to make all this money because he wanted to have something to pass down to his children. Make up for what he went through, being an orphan and all. I can’t imagine
what something like that does to a kid’s head. I try to put myself in that position in my mind, trying to understand how it feels…I can’t do it. No parents, nothing to depend on, no guidance. I like to think I had a little to do with him turning out so good, but I wish I taught him a little better how to enjoy everything he has.
It’s not that he doesn’t do stuff to have fun, he does, but I always get the feeling that he doesn’t really FEEL it, like he’s going through the motions but the pleasure isn’t really penetrating. He never does anything for fun that doesn’t involve spending a lot of money.
He’ll go to big openings and all that society junk, but it’s hard to get him to do something simple like a friendly game of poker, or watch a really, really bad movie on TV.
I keep thinking back to see if maybe it’s my fault. Like, did I give him my approval more when he did something good in business more than something that made him happy. I figure, an orphan kid even more than others is looking for approval. I just hope I didn’t give him all my approval for the wrong things.
(chuckles) Listen to me, I make it sound like the kid walks around depressed all the time, and that ain’t the case. He’s very happy. I don’t know.
I’m beat. I think it’s time to get some shut-eye. Gotta unpack my favorite pajamas first I guess.
Today is September 15, 1975
I didn’t tell Jonathan this, but I made a load on the stock market today. Jonathan doesn’t even know I invest. He’d tell me not to risk my money. Heh. The kid has no idea how much money I really have. I get the feeling if he knew how much I really had, he would insist that I go off and live my own life separate cause I don’t really need him. I’m not sure he understands that I don’t stay here and look out for him ‘cause I have to. I stay ‘cause I want to. This is where my life took me and I’m happy with it. He’s a good kid, but no matter how much money he has, I think I’m always gonna look at him like that mischievous little tornado I took out of that orphanage.
And I got plenty of life going, anyway. I travel the world, get my mug in the papers all the time…well, half my mug anyway. Heh heh. Funny, I keep thinkin’ about how I gotta stay and keep Jonathan on the straight and narrow, but maybe looking after the kid is what keeps ME on the straight and narrow.
Who knows how much mischief I could get in myself if I had too much free time on my hands.
It’s September 17, 1975
It just occurred to me that most of you George Jetsons reading this journal have no idea who I am, and might not even know who Jonathan Hart is, so I better explain. Jonathan Hart is a self-made millionaire. I first met Jonathan when he was a teenager selling newspapers. I dragged him out the back of a bar when the cops were coming in
the front. He was an orphan, and he didn’t have a lot of guidance in his life. In fact, he was a little bit of a terror. I bailed the kid out of more than a few scrapes, and had to box his ears but good to set him straight.
Still the best moment I’ve had to this day was when he was about to start college, and I gave him a car, so he could go in style. The kid never had anything of his own, and I thought it would put him on the right path to give him a little taste of what success is like. The way his eyes lit up, it was like a little kid at Christmas opening a present he thought was a shirt and finding a Pong game. You future-people still have Pong, don’t you? That is the greatest invention of the modern age. Talk about "space age"…that thing could keep me busy for hours. So anyway, Jonathan grew up to be one of the most successful self-made men in this country, and, one of the most eligible bachelors. And I been there like a mother hen keeping an eye on him the whole time.
The other day, a guy asked me why I call him "Mr. H" when I practically raised the kid. Funny story. One day when he was still a youngster, I helped Jonathan open his first bank account. Years later, Jonathan goes and buys that very same bank.
So the day he buys it, I say, "Hey kid, I guess now I’m gonna have to start calling you "Mr.," and the nickname stuck.
Next on the agenda I think is gonna be finding him a MRS. H.
So that’s the story. And here we are. Hey, I’m realizing that you future-people are gonna be living in a whole different world, with all kinds of gadgets and junk that I can’t even imagine… you’ll be able to cure all these diseases and be able to do other stuff that would look like magic to me, probably with a flick of a switch… or maybe just by thinking about it... and here I am with the opportunity to teach you something about your past. I don’t mind telling you the whole idea makes me feel a few inches taller.
It’s September 20, 1975
The weather was just beautiful today, like it always is in California when
things aren’t
shaking or sliding or burning. I spent the whole afternoon gardening. A lot
of people
hear this gravelly old voice and look at this old dog-mug, and they can’t
believe I spend
as much time in the garden as I do at the track. I love the track - you
don’t know how
much - but a person’s gotta be well-rounded in life. You can’t spend your
whole life just
doing one thing, no matter how much you love it.
Most people don’t know this, but when I was young, I was quite the artist. I
took violin
lessons, ballet lessons…a great way to meet the ladies, by the way… but then
my Pop
would make sure that I got a taste of other stuff. We would shoot craps
before I went to
bed, we played ball every Saturday… When I was real young, he would read me
bedtime
stories. That’s how I learned to read, actually. After a while, he would
read a sentence,
then I would read a sentence, and we’d go back and forth like that.
He was quite a guy, my father. Here’s a guy who worked twelve hours a day,
breaking
his back, and never a complaint, never a harsh word for his kids. I didn’t
know it at the
time, but things weren’t like that in most families. I have all these
terrific memories of
my childhood, but it’s like there are so many to choose from, I can never
pick out one to
tell to somebody. It’s just like this big haze of good memories in my head.
I think that’s why I wanted to make sure that the kid had a decent time
growing up. He
never had anything he could count on.
Not that there weren’t bad times. I was in my twenties when the depression
hit. That was
the first time in my life I didn’t feel secure. We were never sure if we
would have a place
to live the next week. It was rough. I think that’s the reason I got so
fascinated with the
stock market. Whenever I couldn’t find work, I went down to the library and
read every
book about the stock market, every newspaper I could get my hands on.
I’m afraid that I passed that obsession on to Jonathan. I don’t know if I
would do that
again if I had the chance to do it different. I mean, sure, he’s rich and
all, but I can’t
shake the feeling that he’s got some kinda emptiness inside. Maybe his life
would be
easier if I hadn’t made money such a priority when I was bringing him up.
If he heard me saying all this, Jonathan would tell me I’m being too hard on
myself, and
that all the good things he has he owes to me. But I don’t know. I just
sometimes think
he might have more important things in his life if success wasn’t the big
goal.
Anyway, I’ve rambled on enough for today.
It’s September 25, 1975
I just spoke with Big Miller. I owe him some money that I haven’t gotten
around to
paying him yet. He said he was coming over to get it. I really wish we had
some better
security around this place.
Oh, by the way, Big Miller is…well, never mind. Not worth going into.
I did a lot of house cleaning today. My back is aching me something awful.
Tonight, I’m
just gonna relax with a few episodes of Doctor’s Hospital. I’m sure that
you guys in the
future have all sorts of fancy contraptions, but this new videotape machine
we just got is
like a blessing. Imagine, being able to tape a show yourself and watch it
whenever you
want. I never thought I would live to see such a beautiful thing.
Oh well, I’m off to cook dinner. Jonathan better come home tonight when he
said he
would ‘cause I am making something special. It’s gonna be a celebration
because of the
new company he just bought.
It’s October 3, 1975
Jonathan had a date tonight, and when he came down, he was wearing that damn
ascot of
his. I can’t look at anybody wearing an ascot with a straight face anymore
since I realized
one of those "meddling kids" on the Scooby Doo show wears one.
I didn’t have the heart to tell him, though. As suave and confident as he
appears, when he
goes out with the women, I don’t know if he looks for the right things.
Sometimes it
seems like he goes out with the girls that a fancy millionaire is supposed to
go out with
instead of the girls Jonathan Hart the PERSON really wants to go out with.
It’s funny,
that’s one of the few things I have a hard time talking to Jonathan about.
Today is October 5, 1975
Wait til you hear this! You ain’t gonna believe this! So I go to the
theater to audition,
and the director tells me that they are doing it the way they did it back in
Shakespeare’s
time…oh, it’s Hamlet that they’re doing, by the way. So the director tells
me he wants
me to play a part, but that they’re doing it the way they did it back in
Shakespeare’s day.
"Women were not allowed to participate in theatrical productions," the guy
tells me, "and
so the women’s roles were played by men. That’s what we’re doing here,"
he says.
"And, Maxwell," he says, "I want you to play the queen." Can you imagine
that? Me,
the QUEEN OF DENMARK? Like anyone is gonna believe that the king’s brother is
gonna pour junk in his ear so he can marry ME, the queen!
I told that director that no one, but no one, will get this old dog in drag.
This ain’t related, but for some reason it popped into my head. When I was
younger,
people used to say I had an old soul. Now that I’m an altecocker, I actually
feel like I’m
getting younger. Oh, I don’t know, maybe not.
It’s October 8, 1975
This’ll probably be my last message for a few days. I’m making my annual
pilgrimage to
Vegas. No way am I dragging this tape recorder with me there. If I do, I’ll
probably end
up losing the damn thing on the craps table.
Um, October 17, 1975
I just got back from Vegas. What a time I had! For the first time ever, I
came back with
more money than I had when I left. I’m beat, though, maybe I’ll give some
details later. I
got a poker game with some of the guys tonight, too. I hope I have the energy
to go. Ah,
I’m sure I will.
It’s October 19th, I mean 20th, 1975
Off we go again. Jonathan and I are heading back to London to bail out some
car
company.
October 24, 1975
Even though I love the warm and sun of California, I have to admit that I got
a certain
what-they-call "affinity" for London. I don’t know. Just something about
the town. Our
hotel is real nice, but our hotel is always real nice.
I’m getting a big time headache, though. Actually, the pain is located a
little bit lower
down. There is some dame who will not leave us alone. A reporter, I think
she is. And
Jonathan is acting really weird, too. He asked me to find out who the best
sign-maker in
London is. I’m afraid to ask what he’s up to.
It’s October 25, 1975
I’m kinda warming to this reporter lady. And JONATHAN…I ain’t never seen him
acting this way…ever! It’s like this huge wind just came along and made his
sails stand
up and take notice. I think something happened between them, but I’m not
sure. Don’t
worry, though, I won’t bore you with any "did they-didn’t they"
speculation. But I don’t
know how he could resist THIS one... she’s gorgeous… and she’s obviously one
lady
who knows how to take care of herself.
I really think she may be THE ONE for Jonathan. And if she doesn’t get him
to settle
down, at least she’ll make sure he’s never at a loss for the excitement he
seems to crave.
And, ya know, I guess it’ll be fun having another person to take care of, but
I hafta tell
yuh…it ain’t gonna be easy, ‘cause, since they met, it’s been murder.
