Joey climbed through Dawson's bedroom window and for the first time felt a little apprehensive as she perched herself on the sill. Dawson's back was turned to her as he examined the contents of his closet, so she gave a little cough to hint that some one else was present in the room. "Hi," she saidsoftly.
"Hey Joey," Dawson said in surprise. He never thought that Joey would ever appear at his window again. After such a tempestuous argument where he basically degraded Pacey and Joey's judgement of character. He could've kicked himself for kissing her. Chalk it up to hormones again, Dawson thought. One final desperate attempt to win her over, and he definitely failed miserably. This was a surprise though, a pleasant surprise. He smiled at her in disbelief and stood frozen in front of his closet.
Joey noticed the goofy grin on his face and examined herself to make sure nothing was wrong. "What? Dawson? Did I grow two heads or something?"
Dawson shook himself out of his train of thought. "No, I just..." he approached her slowly and drew her into a friendly hug. "Never thought I'd see you here again."
Joey returned the hug, but pulled away quickly , "Geez, Dawson, you can be so melodramatic sometimes. I've told you already, this isn't some prime time teen soap opera. God, what kind of script would that make, a group of outcasted teens at the pinnacle of puberty with nothing to do on a Friday night but lay around analyzing Steven Spielberg movies in search of the meaning of life? I have a feeling that the storyline called our life would not take off."
Dawson smiled at his friend. Yes, she was definitely back complete with her attitude. "Hey, Joey," he said wanting to get this in before any other distractions. "I guess this is a perfect opportunity to say, 'I'm sorry' for the way I acted. I know that doesn't even begin to make up for things... but that's all that I can say."
Joey accepted his apology gracefully, she had actually visited with plans of apologizing to him. She shouldn't have walked out on him like that or given him the cold shoulder like she had . "Thanks Dawson. That makes what I'm about to say a lot easier. I'm sorry."
They smiled at each other. Both equally relieved to have their best friend back, and not needing to go into any more explanations. Their relationship had always been strong enough for them to just let things go sometimes. Dawson's mind wandered back to what Joey had said. "'Outcasted teens at the pinnacle of puberty', huh?" His mind raced with ideas as he jumped toward his computer to begin writing a new script, "Maybe not a television series, but it's got movie potential."
Joey stared at Dawson, "Face it, Dawson, our lives are not Hollywood material," she said sitting next to him as he clicked away at the keyboard. "You don't stop, do you?"
Dawson gave her a devilish grin, "Not if I can help it." *****
"I am... so bored," Joey replied lying in the grass staring at the wide blue sky above her. She glanced toward her friends basking in the sun. "Living in an isolated, predictable, provincial town gets tiring... I'm exhausted trying to think of something to do."
"There's got to be something we haven't done yet," Pacey said hauling Joey into his lap. Joey shifted to get a little more comfortable. "I can think of a few things, but we're going to have to ask Dawson and Jen here to leave. We need our privacy."
Pacey received a smack upside the head for that comment, but Joey remained in his lap enjoying the coziness. "Ow, hey!"
A grin found it's way to Joey's lips, "Why ask them to leave? Why don't we just go at it right here, right now?" she joked.
"The way my day is looking, I won't even argue," Dawson replied boredom seeping through his system as well. Seeing Joey and Pacey together was... weird to say the least, but he had to admit that they seemed to be happy.
"So? Let's go lover boy," Joey stood up challenging him. When Pacey remained seated, she looked down at him, "Oh, that's right. You don't 'perform' well under pressure." She winked at him. Whether Pacey was her boyfriend or not, he would always be her favorite punching bag. Her world ceased to exist without playfully joking with him.
"Guys, why don't we ditch Capeside for awhile?" Pacey asked. "This town obviously doesn't have anything especially worthwhile happening. So I say, I get the truck and we head out to Providence for the day."
"I'm game for anything," Jen said leaning herself against a nearby tree enjoying the shade it provided. "Me too," Dawson said.
Joey shrugged, "My calendar's open."
*****
"You and Joey are happy?" Dawson asked out of the blue as they sped down the highway. He glanced behind him to assure himself that both Jen and Joey had fallen asleep in the back cab.
Pacey shrugged, "I guess... everything is as it should be." He didn't know how to express the insecurity that he'd been feeling. How can someone explain that now that everything he'd ever wanted was in his hands... he didn't feel like... that he... He shook his head trying to knock himself out of his paranoia.
"You don't sound too enthusiastic," Dawson looked at him very concerned. What was going on?
"No, Dawson," Pacey denied. "Everything's great, really." He seemed to be trying to convince himself of that more than the friend that sat next to him.
Dawson didn't believe him for a second, not a single solitary second. "Are you sure?"
Joey stirred in her sleep hearing the two talking. Still halfway in her dreamlike state, she shifted in the cramped space. Pacey turned to look at Joey sleeping so peacefully, "Yeah, man. Joey's better than any woman that I ever thought I'd hold in my arms."
She smiled to herself listening to his words. She sighed contentedly and drifted back to her dreams.
*****
Dawson watched the newly matched couple skeptically as he walked behind them with Jen at his side. "Dawson, if you stare at them any more closely, your eye balls will fall out of their sockets. What is with you?" Jen interrupted quietly so that Joey and Pacey wouldn't hear.
"There's something wrong," Dawson tried to explain without getting into too much detail.
"Oh," Jen replied thinking that Dawson's jealousy was getting the best of him once again. "Is it because Pacey's on her arm and not you?" she snapped out bitterly. "No," Dawson pulled her aside out of earshot of Pacey and Joey. "Jen, there's something wrong."
"What? What's wrong?" Jen asked. "They look perfectly happy together. You know, if you would stop dwelling on that girl maybe..." Damnit, she always did that... spoke before thinking things through.
"Jen, these two are my best friends. I've known them since kindergarten. There's something wrong," he repeated again.
"You keep saying that Dawson!" Jen cried. "If something's so wrong, just say it. What is it? What's so wrong? What doesn't fit? Because last time I checked, Joey and Pacey seemed very content in each other's arms."
"I don't know," Dawson replied humbly. "I don't know what exactly..."
"Goodbye, Dawson," Jen said walking away from him seething in anger that Dawson was still hung up on Joey.
Dawson grabbed for Jen's arm before she could get away, "Jen, look, I know what you're thinking. You 're thinking that I'm still obsessing over Joey's blatant rejection of me. I just want to put those fears to rest. Right now, all I see is my two best friends and I know that one is seriously going to get hurt. Jen, can you help me? Just get Joey away from Pacey for awhile, I have to see what's up. Will you, just this one time?" Dawson pleaded her with his brown eyes. Jen stared at him trying to detect any hint that he was lying.
"Are you sure about this?" Jen asked slowly giving in. Dawson nodded.
"Oh, all right. I'll drag Joey to Victoria's Secret or something."
"Thank you so much!" Dawson pulled her against him in a thankful hug. Jen rolled her eyes ashamed of herself as she lay her head on Dawson's shoulder knowing that she was falling for Dawson all over again. She could be so weak sometimes. She hesitated when he pulled away, and she met his eyes with a longing stare.
Dawson ignored Jen's eyes and just gave her a smile as he began to run to catch up to Joey and Pacey. Jen sighed and remained standing in her place watching him pick up his pace. She shook her head and followed his steps.
*****
Dawson and Jen managed to seperate the two lovebirds without much of a hassle. Pacey stood with Dawson leaning on the railing waiting for the two girls to meet them back there as they had planned. "Pacey, are things okay with you and Joey?" Dawson asked trying to sound casual and nonchalant.
"Man, not this again," Pacey complained. "Dawson, things are fine. I already told you." "Well, I don't believe you," Dawson said matter of factly.
Pacey pushed away from the railing and began to pace in front of Dawson. "I..." He wasn't at all comfortable relaying his mixed feelings to Dawson. He'd been in love with Joey just as long... and surprisingly, Pacey had won her. It never happened like that. He never won the girl in the end. The only woman in his life before Joey was a mistake that would forever follow him, not to mention yet another reason for his father to humiliate him. He just couldn't accept that his life could be that right, that it could be this perfect.
"What is it, Pacey?" Dawson asked genuinely concerened for his best friend. "I don't know why I have this inherent feeling about you guys. Like something's not right, there's this unsettling emotion in the pit of my stomach, and as much as I try to ignore it, it nags at me unrelentingly and causes complete mental meltdown. So please just tell-."
"-I'm not good enough for her!" Pacey spit out just wanting to get the words out and interrupting Dawson's babbling spree that Pacey hadn't been listening to again.
"What?" Dawson asked not understanding what those few simple words meant.
"I'm not..." Pacey looked down at the ground a little timidly afraid of revealing his insecurities. "I'm not good enough for her."
"Pacey, that's ridiculous," Dawson said trying to reassure him.
"Yeah? Why?" Pacey faced him finally, "Geez, she was in love with you for god knows how long, she should be with you. You're the one that's supposed to get the girls." "She picked you," Dawson explained.
"I just think that maybe..." Pacey trailed off not knowing what he wanted to say. "Maybe I got into this thing a little too hastily. Maybe I wanted it so much that I refused to see the discordant reality of it all."
"Pacey, what are you saying?"
"I'm saying," Pacey clarified. "That maybe I should let her go. She deserves someone better than the high school goofball and family reject."
"You're insane!" Dawson exclaimed. "You let go of this you're going to regret it for the rest of your life. You may think you have Joey's best interest in mind, but I suggest you take a good look at-"
"Dawson, I think I've made my decision already," Pacey said indignant on his stance. "You are so wrong," Dawson said ending it there.
"Hey guys," Joey walked up to Pacey and slipped her hand in his. Jen followed closely behind her. Dawson and Pacey remained staring at each other.
"Is this a bad time?" Jen asked noticing the very cold atmosphere surrounding her.
"No, Jen," Pacey replied breaking away from Dawson's chilled stare. "We were just... settling something."
*****
A few scatttered clusters populated the ice rink as Dawson, Joey, Pacey, and Jen stepped carefully onto the ice. Without a word, Pacey skated off leaving the three behind. Joey stared after him. "Is there something wrong with Pacey?" she asked still watching him skate a lap on the ice... alone. Noticing she wasn't getting an answer, she turned to her friend, "Dawson?"
Dawson looked at Joey and then his eyes met the silently questioning eyes of Jen who stood behind her. "I...," Dawson searched for an excuse he could give. "It's just one of those days, you know how it is Joey." He tried to be as vague as possible.
The ambigious statement made her even more concerned and even more curious. She scrutinized the silent conversation that was taking place between Jen and Dawson's eyes. "What?!" Joey cried, "Anyone care to let me in on your little secrets?"
Jen took her arm and pulled her into the flow of traffic. "Let's just skate for now," she replied.
*****
Pacey skated quickly trying to sort through his chaotic mind. He watched Joey laughing at Dawson as he tripped himself up and landed directly on his bottom. How was he going to let this go? Somewhere in his head, he had decided that the best thing for him to do was to let Joey go before he got too close. Before when she decided to let go of him, he would love her too much to let her.
"Damn, that girl's fine!" he overheard a group of guys talking amongst themselves. "I'd go for the brunette." One whispered haughtily and pointing directly at Joey. "Ah, yeah, 'hey, baby,'" his apparent sidekick agreed.
"Chill, all right?" he ordered his minion. "That one won't go for the 'Hey baby, what's your sign?' line.'" He began to skate toward her ready topounce.
Jealousy and anger overtook Pacey, and his foot 'accidentally' moved out a little too far causing the arrogant bastard to fall with his face plastered to the ice. "Hey, man! Watch where you're going!" He yelled at Pacey.
"Oops, sorry!" he mimicked Joey during their first date. "I guess my foot slipped," he replied trying to cover the satisfied smile he felt creeping up to his lips. Before he got into any more trouble, he raced toward his girl.
*****
"Hey," Pacey said grabbing Joey around her waist.
"Pacey!" Joey yelped in surprise, but enjoying his closeness.
"Miss me?"
"Are you kidding? I've been too busy surveying the area for my pimp," she joked and pulled him into a hug.
"Harsh, Joey," Pacey replied looking at her and realizing that this just might be the last time together. His eyes softened as he stared into the brown depths of hers. He prayed that when the time came he'd have enough strength to release himself from the strong hold she had on him. He'd been so lucky to have a small taste of perfection, but he knew that his luck would run out some time. He didn't want to wait and have his heart stomped on again. From this, he might not ever recover. It hadn't happened yet though for now she was still his to hold. He'd make today count. This won't happen again. He pulled her next to him, and they began to skate together not uttering a sound, just enjoying each other.
*****
Joey could sense there was something wrong by the way Pacey had looked at her. She wanted to ask him what was the matter, but the words didn't find its way to her lips. Somehow she had a feeling she wouldn't want to know the answer. She glanced at him at her side. He held on to her hand tightly as they skated together... as if he'd never hold her hand like that again.*****
Joey came home to an empty house. She took pleasure in the quiet stillness the small house offered her. It set before her a solace that was unusually hard to find in her busy life. A sigh escaped her lips as she leaned her head against the wall and looked out her window. Something felt very disconcerting in her heart. "Why are you so uneasy, Joey?" she asked herself and moved away from the window. "Things are great... they're..." She paused and looked at herself in the mirror. "Perfect..." she whispered knowing that she was lying to herself.
A knock brought Joey back into reality. She shook her head, "You're talking to yourself, Joey," she said quietly. "Definitely not a good sign." She got up and hurried to answer the door.
*****
"Pacey?" Joey asked surprised to see him standing in front of her. "What's up?" she asked trying not to sound nervous. The discomforting feeling washed over her again even harder. "Can I come in, Joey?" he asked quietly.
"Yeah, of course," she moved away from the door and let him inside.
He took a seat on the small couch and Joey sat beside him bracing herself for what she already knew was bad news. "Joey, I-"
"Is something wrong, Pacey?" she interrupted trying to take control of the situation.
"I..." Pacey looked at her pleading eyes that seemed to beg him to say, "No, everything is wonderful." He couldn't say that though, "I think that we have to talk." "Talk?" Joey asked not wanting to know where this was headed.
"Joey," Pacey took a breath in hopes of slowing his rapidly beating heart. "This isn't easy for me to do, but... Joey, I think- I think that we should call this off."
"What?" Joey whispered faintly feeling as if she'd had the wind knocked out of her.
"I- I'm a nobody, Joey," he tried to explain, but the hurt in Joey's eyes made it so hard to concentrate when every part of him wanted to just hold her and tell her he'd never leave. "I don't deserve you. You're smart and funny and... and beautiful. You shouldn't be wasting your time with someone likeme."
"Pacey, where is this coming from?" Joey asked in a state of utter confusion.
"I'm just saying that you're worthy of far better than me," Pacey said with conviction. "Joey, don't make this harder than it already is." He touched her cheek when he saw her eyes begin to glisten.
"Don't waste your time on me, Joey, because I know it will only be a matter of time before you realize that this isn't where you want to be. You need someone... someone like Dawson."
"I don't want Dawson. I want-" she interrupted him but stopped herself short. She couldn't beieve this was happening.
"Joey, just, please... respect my wishes."
She shook her head, "I still don't understand..."
"I just... this is what I want," he stated. "to save us both a little peace of mind."
"Pacey, don't do this," Joey demanded. "Don't give up on this, don't give up on us..."
"Look, I don't want this!" he lied thinking this was the only way. He wanted this desperately, but for how long? and how much was it worth? How long before he was ripped apart again?
Joey stared at him, the tears ready to spill over the dam that she'd spent so long building up. Her head fell in complete distress. "Pacey, I-" The tears ran down her cheeks, and Pacey saw. Lord, he didn't know it would be this hard. He didn't want to see those tears fall, and to know that he was the one causing it made it so much harder to bear. Not being able to stand to hear the sounds of her weeping, Pacey jetted toward the door before she could protest.
She looked up and saw only the still swinging door that Pacey used as his
escape. She picked herself up and rushed to the door. Peeking outside she
saw him in the distance running away. "I love you," she whispered so softly
she wasn't even sure if the words had come out. She threw her body against
the door slamming it shut and slid herself down onto the floor still crying.