This is the space for the other things about me that I cannot really group.
Sound sensitivity-
I cannot tolerate sounds. Paper being crumpled, people eating, loud voices, etc. This is part of the reason I vent by self harming. I get so angry that I want to hurt myself. There are a few reasons this could be happening to me, according to my newest psychologist:
Borderline personality disorder, obsessive-complusive disorder, bipolar disorder, and just plain anger problems can cause this. So can a myriad of other disorders, but I have not been diagnosed with any of those. A head injury I had as a child is always another possibility.
My head injury- When I was almost three years old, I fell ten feet onto the concrete, off a retaining wall. I had a four inch linear fracture of the skull, and bleeding on the brain. My current physicians are looking into this, as it may be the cause of my mental illnesses. I get a lot of headaches, and sometimes I will have headaches non stop for months at a time. Some are more like a "shooting pain", or an "electrical pain" and cannot be treated with pain medications fully. I had to wear a neck brace for a year when I was 26, in order to keep the pain to a minimum. I was also on Tylenol #3s (30 mg of codeine with acetaminophen) for a period of time. I have had one of these headaches for several days now, and I am able to function to a point. I can "handle" them for a few hours sometimes.
Dissociation- I call it "being detatched". I start to feel "different", almost like I am leaving my body. This is when I am most likely to have angry outbursts, or do something other people may feel is "out of character" for me. Some people dissociate to the point where they are actually "someone else". This used to be called MPD (multiple personality disorder) but is now referred to as DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder). I have dissociated to that point, but I am trying to learn to control it. I do not know how well I am doing though! For me, it is simply a personality change, as in I refuse to be called by my real name, I may choose to be called another name (which is how being called Cari began.) I also tell people off so to speak, strangers, friends, family, etc and I may not remember it at all! My psychiatrist told me not to worry about it too much, which I find kind of odd, but I am doing exacty what she said and trying not to worry.
I also have other illnesses. One is hypothyroidisim. My thryoid gland is damaged and does is underactive. This can create a myriad of problems. My metabolism is slow, making it difficult to lose weight. I take synthetic thyroid hormones, and will have to for the rest of my life. An underactive thyroid can mimic depression and other ailments, because it causes fatigue, loss of appetite and a few other symptoms similar to those related to depression. Other symptoms include: dry skin and hair, hair loss, memory problems, low body temperature, and jaundice. I was diagnosed with this disorder when I was 20 years old. I had been lethargic, gained nearly 100 pounds, and had stiff and aching joints. It can be controlled with the medications, but some symptoms linger. The worst one (other than the weight gain) is fatigue. I hate being tired all the time. It makes me miserable. 12 hours of sleep is not nearly enough for me some nights. I can awake after 10 or 12 hours of sleep, and still need a nap!
I have recurrent kidney stones as well. In my experience, that is the most painful thing a person can endure. I thought giving birth was horrible, but until I got my first kidney stone, I did not realize there was a pain that could not be controlled by any drug; including morphine. When a stone forms in the kidney, it has to try to pass through in order to leave the body. These little stones can cause excruciating pain. I have had 15 documented kidney stones. I have one now, and I am on medication for the pain. It is bothersome, having to be on pain pills for months at a time. It is nearly impossible to get into a urologist's office in this city, so I wait and suffer until someone can see me. Then, it takes months to have the surgery booked. If you have given birth, just imagine being put through the pain of labour day in and day out for several months at a time. Not a pleasant thought, is it? That is what I have to deal with.
