EDITOR's NOTE!!!!! - If you have not yet read Part 5, do not go any further, as you will be completely lost!!!!!
The story you are about to read is a 3-part saga in the life of our hero, Banana Joe. The sequels will be up monthly.
Banana Joe took one last hit from his huka before he pulled the needle of the last thread through Yoko Ohnow's cuntlips. Standing back and staring at a perfect sewing job, he began to slap her sealed vagina with a ping-pong paddle at full force. In the midst of her salmon-spanking, Yoko Ohnow grabbed the infamous monkey-wrench from the nightstand and jammed it up her sushi smelling shit-locker.
Banana Joe pulled one of his famous bum-blunts from his asshole and lit it as he continued to spank Yoko's snatch. After he felt his eyes turn bloodshot, he pulled individual hairs from his passionately moaning partner's fuzzbiscuit.
Forty-five minutes later, when her pubic palace was finally barren, Yoko Ohnow removed the monkey-wrench from her well-ravaged anus. Banana Joe bent her over and impaled his "prisoner" with his mighty bamboo rod.
After he filled her rectum with his sack mush, he slapped her ass and yelled, "Have you learned your lesson, or are you going to vandalize again?"
Yoko bellowed, "Yeeeeees!"
Banana Joe slammed the monkey-wrench against her ass. She moaned as the stitches ripped out of her swelling cunt. The frayed ends of thread hung loosely up and down her cunt-lips as she gently pulled them out.
Banana Joe took one last swing at her ass with the monkey wrench before shoving his warrior past the broken barrier.
"Take that you fucking brainless whore!" he began yelling with enthusiasm.
After fucking her for awhile, he grabbed the monkey-wrench and opened it. Banana Joe pulled his cock of chaos from Yoko's twat, inserted the top of the monkey-wrench in her chasm, and the bottom of the opening in her crap cavern. Seconds after he closed it tightly against her 'taint, he dragged her across the room by the handle of the infamous monkey-wrench.
Here's where the new shit begins. Let's welcome back an old friend, and a big fan of Banana Joe's.
Somebody began banging hared on the door to Banana Joe's room. He quickly dropped the monkey-wrench and kicked Yoko Ohnow out of the way. She moaned at the sound of her rib cracking. Banana Joe grabbed a lollipop from his nightstand and handed it to her.
"That's for being a good girl," Banana Joe said as he watched blood pour from her smile.
Somebody was pretty fucking persistent and kept knocking on the door. "Jesus Christ," he yelled in annoyance. "I'll fucking be right there, goddammit!"
Banana Joe opened the door to see a man dressed in a white robe wearing long hair and a beard. Banana Joe smiled as he saw his reflection in his friend's round sunglasses.
"Banana Joe," the bearded man began to calmly and politely ask. "Why do you speak of myself and my father that way?"
Banana Joe shrugged and said, "Beats the shit out of me!" He reached into his asshole and pulled out the mightiest of all joints. He handed it to Jesus, who gladly indulged. Jesus passed the joint back to Banana Joe with a large grin on his face.
"There is trouble, Joe," Jesus Christ stopped his sentence to see Yoko Ohnow pulling herself up from the floor. He noticed that her rib was broken. "Joe! Her...her fucking rib is broken! How could you do that?"
Joe shrugged once again and answered, "Just taking back from her what her kind took from mine." He smiled wide and exhaled a cloud of smoke that would smother hell.
"Oh," Christ paused. "I see. Well, anyway, there is a great trouble that I know only you can help with."
Banana Joe toked another fat burst of Buddha before asking, "Talk to me for Christ's sake! Stop beating around the bush. It sounds like this one is burning!"
Jesus Christ exhaled his scale version of a heavenly cloud. "Pharaoh Magnum has kidnapped the Kind-Buddies. He has enslaved them to work the hemp fields and give him all of the marijuana!"
"So what the fuck is your problem?"
"I don't think you understand..."
"The hell I don't! The Kind Buddies are some kind of 'Let's Love Christ!' campaign!"
"No, you stupid asshole! They are the harvesters of Heaven's Crop! They must be saved!"
Banana Joe agreed as he lit another joint. He then walked over to his closet, kicking Yoko Ohnow back down to the ground. This time, she bashed her head on the corner of his CD cabinet. Banana Joe laughed...to...himself God I feel like a dipshit. It's this fucking "to himself" shit again! I must be fucking stupid!. Yoko picked herself back up, holding her head with one hand, and her side in the other.
"Banana Joe," Jesus Christ said once again in his calm and polite voice. "Why did you push her?"
"Ah, shut up you pussy," Banana Joe answered. "If you would turn yourself away from being kind all of the time, you would've noticed that she was in my way."
"Oh. I see."
Banana Joe came out of the closet don't you even fucking think that stupid shit! holding his chocolate-tie rod, and wearing his tye-dyed robe.
Jesus rolled his eyes and mumbled, "Oh, Jesus Fucking Christ!"
Banana Joe marched into the city of Tokalotta carrying with him, only his chocolate-tie rod. The Kind-Buddies now all turned slave stared in awe at the mighty Banana Joe. Banana Joe frowned at the sight of his people in shackles, chains, and other bondage material he would normally enjoy.
When he arrived at King Magnum's palace, he marched inside past all of the soldiers. The Pharaoh was eager to meet such a man who would dare challenge him. Usually he had been used to the Kind-Buddies who were usually too stoned on their rations to even put up a fight. This was a rare and exciting situation for Pharaoh Magnum.
"What is it you will have with me?" Pharaoh Magnum demanded of Banana Joe.
"You know why I have come," Banana Joe replied.
"I do not. Please explain your presence now or be put in the ring with the lion's"
Banana Joe slammed hi chocolate-tie rod on the ground and demanded, "Let my people go!"
The Pharaoh became angry and stood above Banana Joe. He pulled from behind him two wooden rods. "I too have the power within me."
He threw his rods to the ground and watched as they became snakes. They began to head for Banana Joe's feet. But Banana Joe only grinned, then slammed his chocolate-tie rod to the ground, turning it into a large bong.
He blew smoke in the direction of the snakes. The snakes stopped, looked at each other, and began to fuck.
"My snakes!" Pharaoh Magnum cried in horror. "My fucking babies are stoned!"
"You can't even share your wealth with your own two snakes," Banana Joe began to reprimand Pharaoh Magnum. "How is it that a piece of shit cheapskate like your scumbag self could have such powers?"
Pharaoh Magnum called his guards in, who immediately surrounded Banana Joe with their swords directed at him. Pharaoh Magnum arched his head back as he laughed.
"Crucify him!" he ordered.
Banana Joe was led through the streets of Darezinjem with a crucifix tied to his back. Kind-Buddies were forced to throw dogshit at him and scream vicious insults. Banana Joe could only smile his evil smile back.
He nailed into the crucifix when they reached the hill. His robe was auctioned off to the highest bidding soldier. Once he realized the robe was made of uncut green buds, he used it as a rolling paper to get his troops, Banana Joe, and of course, Pharaoh Magnum.
"Alright, asshole," the Pharaoh yelled at the top of the hill where Banana Joe was hanging around. "We'll be back in a few days to grab your dead body!"
"Guess I won't be pulling any magic tricks this weekend, will I?" Banana Joe yelled back.
Pharaoh Magnum gritted his teeth. "No! Any you won't be able to smoke through your hand either!"
Two hours later, after the stoned armada left, Jesus Christ walked up the hill to see his friend Banana Joe on the crucifix. Banana Joe, tired of just hanging around doing nothing, yelled down to Jesus, "Hey man! Where the fuck have you been?"
"I just decided to take walk along the shore. Funny, though. Nobody bothered me this time."
Banana Joe tried to smile, but his hands and feet hurt too much (like one has any thing to do with the other...).
Jesus Christ tried to be sympathetic, "I remember being in the same shoes you are one time."
"Oh yeah?" Banana Joe looked down. "Well, pal! This time around there isn't going to be a fucking magic trick over the weekend! No fucking bunnies for me!"
Jesus Christ floated up to meet Banana Joe's height. To all of the religious: If Jesus Christ is so great, he can do this! Don't bitch to me about this! He reached into his robe and pulled out a joint. He held it up to Banana Joe's lips so he could inhale.
"I'm sorry my friend," Jesus Christ grimly said. "There's nothing I can to for you but tell you that if you see your shadow on the ground in the morning, winter will be over soon."
"Thanksthefuckalot," Banana Joe said. "Can't you see I'm sick and fucking tired of just hanging around?"
Jesus sadly and quietly turned around and walked away. Banana Joe understood. "If there's a chance of me dying," Banana Joe began to plea. "Just let me at least get a blowjob?"
V. Mary appeared on a ladder in front of Banana Joe wearing a dental-floss type G-string and a tube top revealing perky, hard and happy nipples. She immediately went down on his massive cock.
Banana Joe looked up to the sky.
To be continued............
Will this be the last of the Banana Joe saga? Will blowing a load in V. Mary's throat be the first or second coming? Will Pharaoh Magnum be a fucking bogart and keep all of heaven's harvest for himself? Am I going straight to hell for writing this one?
How the fuck should I know? I'm fucking baked out of my skull and know I can definitely not read what I have just written later. The shock might just kill me, and then none of you "kill in the name of religion" assholes have the fucking chance to kill me.
Well...
..at least that's a relief. I feel glad to know that I will most likely dies of shock later knowing that I'm not going to be assassinated by some inbred wearing his father's wedding ring.
Until next time????????????
Completed
10:04:55 AM
Wednesday, February 26, 1997
