1.If you're driving at the speed of light, and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
2.If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week 365 days a year, why are there locks on the door?
3.Why do kamacazi's wear helmets?
4.If a multiple personality threatens to kill himself, is it a hostage situation?
5.Why do we drive on parkways, and park on driveways?
6.if a cat always lands on it's feet, & toast always lands butter-side-down, what happens if you tie a piece of buttered toast to a cat's back?
7.Does Sauerkraut go bad, & how would you know?
8.Who decided that putting bacteria in milk to make yogurt was a good thing?
9.Fish eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom in the same water. Why do we want to eat them?
10.Can fat people skinny-dip?
11.Why is stuff transported by ship called a "cargo", and stuff transported by car is a "shipment"?
12. How does teflon stick to the pan?
13. Why are there designs on underwear?
14 I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose
. 15.Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
16. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
17. Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
.18. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
19. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
20. Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
21. Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
22. Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?
23. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
24. Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
25. How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
26. Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
27. Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
28. . Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
29. Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
30.. Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?
31.Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
32.I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd begone. I said, "The whole time."
33.So what's the speed of dark?
34.How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees?
35.Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
36.I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
37.Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
38.Isn't Disney World a people trap run by a mouse?
39.Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
40.Light travels faster than sound. Is that why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak?
41.How come 'abbreviated' is such a long word?
42.Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
43.Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
44.Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" when they already know you don't have any?
45. If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
46.If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
47.Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
48. Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
49.Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in chargeof everything outdoors?
50.Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it'snot adore?
51.Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you.Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
52.If Superman could stop bullets with his chest, why did he always duck when someone threw a gun at him?
53.Why does lemon juice contain "artificial ingredients" but dishwashing liquid contains "real lemons"?
54Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
55.Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
56.Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
57. Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
58.What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
59.Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
60.Is boneless chicken considered an invertebrate?
61.if you're a lesbian/gay person, do you just stare at yourself naked in the mirror all the time?
62.Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
63. Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
64. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
65. One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
66. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
67. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
68. The older you get, the better you realize you were.
69. I doubt, therefore I might be.
70. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
71. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
72. Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
73. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
74. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
75. A fool and his money are soon partying.
76. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
77. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
78. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
79. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
80. If God dropped Acid, would he see people?
81. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown also?
82. If the #2 pencil is the most popular pencil, why is it still #2?
83. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
84. If you were born again do you have two bellybuttons?
85. If you ate pasta and then antipasta, would you still be hungry?
86. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
87. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
