Actual Bumper Stickers.... * We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated. * All men are idiots ... I married their king. * The more you complain, the longer God lets you live. * If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished. * Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply * I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. * I'm just driving this way to piss you off. * Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. * I love cats ... they taste just like chicken * Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. * Keep honking, I'm reloading. * Hang up and drive. * Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. * I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the other people in his car. * Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit. * I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen. * Cats... the other white meat. * The gene pool could use a little chlorine. * Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT! * Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. * It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you. * When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS. * Friends don't let Friends drive Naked. * If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? * Forget about World Peace... Visualize Using Your Turn Signal! * Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. * He/She who laughs last thinks slowest * Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. * Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. * Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes. * Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. * Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. * Be nice to your kids. They'll be choosing your nursing home. * Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? * Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock. * I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.