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What can a bird do that a man can't?

Whistle through his pecker.

Why don't women blink during foreplay?

They don't have time!

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

They won't stop and ask for directions.

Why did God put men on earth?

Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Why don't women have men's brains?

Because they don't have a penis to keep it in.

What do electric trains and breasts have in common?

They are usually meant for children,
but it's the men who usually end up playing with them.

Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?

Because their balls fall over their asshole
and they vapor-lock.

Why do men masturbate?

Because it's sex with someone they love.

Why were men given larger brains than dogs?

So they won't hump women's legs at parties.

Why did God create man before woman?

You need a rought draft before you have a final copy.

Why is pee yellow and sperm white?

So he can tell if he's coming or going.

How many men does it take to put the toilet
seat down?

Don't know, it hasn't happened yet.

Have you heard of the Lorena Bobbit computer virus?

It turns your hard drive into a 3 1/2 floppy.

What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brain?

A widower.

What do you do if you look out into the backyard
and find your husband stumbling and staggering about?

Load another clip.

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