Chairs and Rugs
If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly.
If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug.
If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good.
When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as
long as the human's bare foot.
Bathrooms
Always accompany guests to the bathroom.
It is not necessary to do anything -- just sit and stare.
Walking
As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the
human, especially:
* On Stairs
* When they have something in their arms
* In the dark
* When they first get up in the morning
The above will help their coordination skills.
Bedtime
Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.
Toys
Any small item is a potential toy. If a human tries to confiscate it, this means
that it is a good toy. Run with it under the bed. Look suitably outraged
when the human grabs you and takes it away.
Always watch where small items are put away so you can steal them later.
Dangly and/or string-like things such as shoelaces, cords, gold chains, and dental
floss make excellent toys. When a string is dragged under a newspaper or
throw rug, it magically becomes the paper/rug mouse and should be killed at all
costs. Take care though. Humans are sneaky and will try to make you lose
your dignity.
Humans
Humans have three primary functions: to feed us, to play with and give
attention to us, and to clean the litter box. It is important to maintain one's
dignity when around humans so that they will not forget who is the master of the house.
Humans need to know basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and
are consistent.
You will then have a smooth running house.
