Alex's Biography.
By Professor Richard King.
The following is an extract from chapter five of the unofficial biography of our exalted 'leader' Alex, written by the eminent intellectual, Professor Richard King, from Iowa. It was sent to me by a prominent member of the Dorkshire resistence, whose name shall remain anonomous (save to say that, contrary to Dorkshire propoganda, he has not been executed, and is now enjoying the protection of Mr M's personal bodyguards). Because of the injuries this person recieved while escaping from his Dorkshire prison, he felt it best that I publish this extract on my website, rather than risk the attentions of the secret Police, should any print copy be found.
It was at about this time that Alex experienced a level of personal
rejection that he had never felt before. Since Graham had left his cave
some months before in order to make his yearly migration, Alex was this
time without a companion to share his darkest thoughts. An extract from
his diary may help us picture his mind during this troublesome time:
"KIL the babbies with stickks, and stuff, and Cut then into bits wiht wire and stuff and killL bloOODy eryething with firiie"
The above was written in his own body fat, melted down and thickened
into a kind of paste, and dipped in with a child's toothbrush that only
allowed for five lines on a page. Although Alex has since learned the
value of pens, he still uses this writing method on his more personal
documents, including his final edit of Graham's infamous Speech.
In mid July, shortly before Graham's premature return from the nether
regions of Wales, Alex decided to make the first decisive steps towards
establishing Dorkshire. The fact that he did so without Graham's
knowledge or consent is a sore point which has been much glossed over in
the duo's public image, but which still constitutes a serious rift in
their turbulent relationship. Alex's earliest policies were without a
doubt his most intollerant. It was not uncommon for those close to him
to be awoken in the night by his screams of anger as he roamed about in
the darkness and sought to destroy an imaginary "beast", or to suffer
from serious indigestion from his frequent mealtime rants on "gassing
them [southerners] all like badgers".
The forced hard labour to which he was subjected six days a week,
without Graham there to act as a buffer to his potentially violent
imagination, led to the development in Alex of a deep, seering
resentment of almost anything living. The potential for Dorkshire had
existed in him for years, but it was only during this period in his life
that he obtained the unnatural, near-primal drive that has wreaked havoc
across our once fair country...
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